The Most Random Outing, As Of Yet.

About a week and a half ago, Brian got word that there were going to be 4 tickets for a Soundgarden concert up for grabs at work. Now Brian and I both listened to this band heavily in jr. high and maybe even into our freshman year of high school. Before I go further you should know that my taste in music spans all genres and I know the words to way to many songs for my own good its embarrassing sometimes.But further more he heard about these tickets that someone was trying to win through work but it didn't look like the guy was going to meet the requirements to obtain his goal. Well to bad for the poor dude, he didn't win. Lucky us Brian snatched them up.

So woohoo we won the tickets. The catch was the concert was at the Gorge on that Saturday and we found out about the tickets on Thursday. To further the interesting situation, we couldn't leave Lynden until 2pm on Saturday and the concert was at 6pm. And further yet we had to come back home after the concert because we needed to lead worship at church and I needed to teach Sunday school. But we went. In fact Brian wasn't going with out me he said, and beings that I have made him do 100's of crazy things in the span of our relationship (and I did actually want to go), we went.

The tickets themselves were part of the reason we couldn't pass up the opportunity, Brian's employer actually sponsers the concert producers of the Gorge so they have a box there. So we had four VIP Box seats, which included a waitress and VIP parking, which means no field walking for us. This was a pretty kush situation, how could you say no.

The concert was great there were some bands that I had never heard that opened for Soundgarden and the overall feel of that was a bit harder than I would go for, but sometimes live music makes everything that much greater and it was. Plus it was about 98degrees out and the Gorge is absolutely beautiful, I don't care what music is playing.

On another note the people in the box next to us were totally into the concert and seeing that made the whole trip worth it ten fold. This guy had this dance move that resembled what one looks like when riding a Harley....it was great. We took our friend/neighbor Dave with us and he asked me on the way home if that guy made me uncomfortable and went on further to tell me he would have traded seats with me. That was kind but I can appreciate the culture around me. Most people are beautiful in their own way...and this guy was that in his unbridled abandon:)



By the way we got home at 4:30am and had to get up at 7am:) Yeah we aren't as young as we think anymore...it was mighty painful!

Goings Ons and What Not

The boys have been working on working on a lego project for the library on Thursday. Brian is the Chief Brick FInder while Elliot is The Brick Master. This child has more Legos than we can house. I am always adding more bins to fit their needs.

And Grace is just Cute!

This is the sign that Elliot has hanging outside his doorway.

I like how he spelled my name with a "k" , I think it adds some spice.

We went to Whatcom Falls Park yesterday for a little family type. Grace was convinced I was going to throw her over the edge.....Not sure why hence the not so great pic. I was trying to convince her I would never do such a thing.


Best picture I have gotten of my kids together in awhile. They are pretty cute, with their various missing teeth.


Thanks to the self timer we actually got a family photo as well.



Grace is so cute to me these days.

And last but not least I had to share you one of my best Second Chance finds ever. First off I am a bit vintage clothing obsessed....I love vintage. I have acquired quite the collection of vintage pieces and I am always looking for ways to add more, and no better place to do that then Second Chance. So the skirt was a quarter....no joking people .25cents. It is most obviously home made and most obviously vintage judging fromt he style of zipper they used. Love Love Love. I cut the head off of the photo because I had a weird look on my face.

Outdoor Movie Night

The outdoor movie night was the best ever. We invited a ton of people up to my parents for an outdoor movie night on Sunday. I chose Sandlot...the only mistake I suppose...I hadn't seen this movie since I was a kid and what I remembered was a baseball movie involving young boys and a few shenanigans. It was this but it also had a lot of language I didn't remember. All is forgiven and I haven't had any problem with my kids repeating anything that they heard so it must not have been as bad as I thought.

So we made the screen out of a roofing frame my Dad had and some old sheets. We borrowed a projector from Uncle Loop and our friend Todd had all of the sound equipment because when he isn't farming he DJs on occasion.

We started the night at 6pm with a weenie roast, we followed this up with hours of zip lining until dark(Brian and his friends built a zip line that runs through the backside of their property a few weeks back), we roasted smores, fished in the pond and just hung around. Once it was dark we made popcorn and watched the movie. We all set up lawn chairs and blankets it was so fun. Some of us camped overnight and enjoyed breakfast together in the morning and some went home after the movie.

Miss Emma in her jammies enjoying a tasty smore by the fire.

This was one of the best nights I have had in a long time we are so blessed to have good friends and family that we enjoy spending time with.

And a big thanks to my parents for letting us take over their place and for accommodating all of our desires. My dad my jokes all night about charging us for camping and day use;)

And this is what you do when you think you are a man but you are really a boy in the country. You assert yourself by driving something with power and smells like gasoline and oil and you drive your buddies and your sister around.


Matthew and Grace talking about who knows what very seriously on the dock. The quality isn't great because I was attempting to take the picture from somewhat far away in an attempt to not ruin the moment. Grace and Matthew say they aree going to get married someday...I am pretty sure Matthew is one of the nicest boys I know so I am okay with this for now.



This was pretty much the energy level of all the kids for the evening, a lot of sugar and too much adrenaline from the zipline. I am happy to say they were all well behaved and had so much fun.

Amy was the fisherwoman of the night, she caught quite a few and helped the kids too.


Zipline spectators.

You can also kind of see the movie screen behind them.

I thought I took way more pictures...too bad. Guess we were having to much fun:)

Oh and one last tid bit if you want to see me make a total fool out myself but having a lot of fun in the process you can watch me take a trip down the zipline. It takes a few seconds for me to come down so just be patient.
http://youtu.be/l1PIP5-Yvso

Full Weekend

Okay so over the last two weeks I have lost my motivation to blog....not sure why but I am hoping the weekend will bring more material to write about.

Tomorrow we are going to a BBQ with some family.

Saturday is Graces 6th Birthday. Woohoo....three cheers for rainbow cakes, organized chaos and one more year on this planet for Grace. Sidenote....can't believe my baby is going to be 6 where does time go.

Sunday we are hosting an outdoor movie night at my parents house. Thats right folks nothing like watching Sandlot under the stars. The evening will also include a weenie roast, smores, popcorn, ziplining and kiddos galore....woo hoo! This evening will end with my family of four nodding off in our family tent all snuggled up like bugs in a rug. Camping at my parents is super fun!

Monday is the Fourth of July and while we celebrate the country we live in, we also enjoy family time complete with fireworks and more weenies probably.

Yeah for full weekends surrounded by family and friends. Can't wait to share all the pictures with my blog friends.

Yesterday Was A Long Day......

I started the day off with bootcamp, after waking up to the sound of birds instead of my alarm I realized my alarm had malfunctioned. Thankfully at 4:45 am I I still had plenty of time (15 minutes) to get out the door but waking up like that does not make for a good start. So anyway I finished out bootcamp and followed that with a long, extremely hot shower. Next thing on the list was a dentist appt at 8am for Elliot to fix his teeth. You see in his attempt to fly out of the tree in our front yard he fractured several teeth and killed one of them as well so after three weeks the swelling had subsided enough to allow for the dental work to happen. After that I took the van to Zylstras because Saturday night I got a flat tire.....all I have to say is lovely. After that I rushed home to pick up Brians car and get to my rheumatology appt, followed by xrays and blood work. Then birthday shopping for the E-man. After that I had to go for another test at the hospital for my gall bladder, unfortunately the test didn't work so after an all day fast with nothing to eat or drink (this makes for a crabby Jessica) it is being rescheduled for a later date when they can try again. Needless to say I was a little discouraged and a lot tired and even more hungry after my crazy day.

But I got to come home to food on the grill with cantalope and green salad. What an awesome hubby I have. I will not lie though, after dinner I crawled into my bed for a two hour nap only to awaken for TV night with the Bajemas.

What did my lovely family do all day without their mom you ask?

They were quite busy as well. Brian finished up building my raised beds and putting the new dog house turned chicken house up on stilts for me. He also fixed the inflated ring at the top of the pool:) Somewhere in between he took the kids to the library, for lunch and read them stories at home. Have I told you how wonderful he is!

I still need to paint the trim on the chicken house....I think its pretty cute though. The city will let us have three chickens so that is what will get. My mom has the chicks and we will probably be able to bring them home in a month or so. They won't start laying eggs until winter.

On the raised bed front, I will probably plant mostly tomatoes and zucchini this year maybe some carrots, heck if I know myself at all I know I will probably try to start a lot of things that I should have started months ago.

Anticipation and Fear All Rolled Into One

Today marks the last day of school for my Kindergarten girl and Second Grade boy. And as I am very much looking forward to the break from routine and hustle and bustle to get to school every morning, I am afraid. Very Afraid. Now if you don't have school aged children you may not know what I am talking about, however, it takes me a good week or two to get into my groove of having everyone home. I cringe as I write this because someone reading this will take it the wrong way. I love my kids, I love being with them, I love being able to do fun stuff.

So today is a day that I have looked forward to with great anticipation....day trips, the pool, lazy day picnics and camping. But also today I am approaching with a bit of fear for what tomorrow brings, the days when everyone is bored, the days when we are crabby, and the days we can't get along...they happen to us, maybe we are the only ones:)

Today also is the end of a chapter as next year I will have two full time school aged kids....seriously how did this happen to me and who pushed the fast forward button on my life. But I am so blessed with two very bright and healthy and most of the time kind children who love the Lord and are becoming smarter everyday in an environment that encourages putting your faith into to action instead of just sitting on your gift.

So heres to all you Moms that are looking towards your own anticipation and/or fear. Its going to be a great summer I just know it, we already bought a box of otter pops and having been moving right through them;)

Bellingham Bells Game with Gma and Gpa Boat

Gma and Gpa Boat took us to the Bells game on Sunday night and spoiled us to the max. About an hour before we left I told Brian I wasn't sure that going was going to be a good idea because everything was making Grace cry that afternoon. Turns out my worry was for nothing because we all had a good time and the kids were both well behaved and enjoyable to have out in public;) They both got baseballs and Elliot was able to get several autographs on his.

The whole experience was great. The team has done a lot of work to clean up the park and everyone we interacted with was super friendly and helpful. And Hot Dogs are only $3 which I feel is super reasonable for an outing such as this. They have tons of activities for the kids to be involved in during the game to keep them occupied, which were very exciting;)


Brian and Elliot...not sure what Elliot is doing with his face.? I do know that he has a new air about him in his last month of being 7, my mom says he has a swagger:)


Elliot and Grace with Dinger the Mouse, the team mascot.

After our experience I would totally recommend this activity for a family to attend. So fun...I am hoping we get a chance to go again!

Thanks Gma and Gpa Boat!

Meanwhile Back At The Ranch

Life is getting back to whatever normal is. Our focus seems to be back in the direction that I like it to be, meaning the four of us and our large envelope of regular responsibilities.

This week I heard that Gungor (a christian band that Brian and I love), was going to be playing at church in Mill Creek on Friday. So on a whim I asked Brian if he would want to go, of course he did. So we asked my mom to watch the kids and off we went. Now i know we just had an overnight away, but this was our first date in a long time, just the two of us, sneeking away, doing something out of the ordinary. I am just not the kind of girl that likes to "waste" date night on a movie or concert, I would much rather go for dinner and partake in an activity and talk without kids. But this was going to be an exception to my rule, and I am so glad we did it.

Now a little back story is, I have been missing a lot of church lately and not because I am not there every Sunday but because I teach Sunday School almost every week during the service and if I am not teaching we are leading worship during the service, wah wah (please don't feel sorry for me, its what we do and we love it). However with the last month going the way it has I have needed me a good old fashioned church service with a challenging message and no distractions or responsibilities. However I didn't realize I could get just what I needed attending a concert, with loud loud music and millions of youth groupers giggling and jumping around. I really should know better by now that God reaches you on His terms and in His time, doesn't matter where you are. And he reached me there in that place last night, it was the most beautiful worship I have experienced in some time. When I first got there my mind immediately thought we should have brought the youth group kids with us (this is how I get myself into trouble always thinking of a way to work and to serve). But little did I know God took me all the way to Mill Creek with the love of my life and and blessed me right there.

I love Gungor for many reasons. One- they do what they want, I mean they have a cello playing with a rock band and they use weird instruments like the melodica and bells and chimes, its amazing. Two- they are self proclaimed hippies, no need for explanation you know I love myself some hippie time. Three- they are authentic to themselves and do not stick to any one style its amazing, God is using them to bless others in a big way and it is so apparent. Four - They are a husband wife combo and I love that, Brian and I are able to worship God together side by side and lead our congregation and it is one of the greatest blessings in our marriage, not that we are anywhere close to as talented as they are, it all in the experience. My first time hearing them was after Brian attended a worship conference for leaders in Bellevue this past fall. Gungor was there to teach a session Brian attended and he fell in love. He came home and showed me this video I was hooked. We immediately learned the song and sang it for special music at church. Minus the leaves and twigs unfortunately. Beautiful Things (I have been listening to this album like a fifteen year old girl with the newest Taylor Swift Cd) is the name of one of their albums and I totally recommend picking it up, its great. Another song they wrote is called Please Be My Strength, I cannot tell you how many times I have listened to this song in the last 6 weeks, it has been a strong point for me, and when they sang it last night I weeped, God has used that song to bless me so much. Michael Gungor introduced the song by saying sometimes you breath out out out so much that you forget to breath in. I couldn't have pinpointed what I needed better than he did in that moment and the song took on a whole new meaning for me. And once again I was reminded of what a roller coaster my faith can take me on sometimes. I will share the lyrics at the end of the post it is a beautiful song...it was a beautiful concert and I can't believe for only $15 I was able to experience that.

Readership is down on the blog lately....I know it has probably been a depressing place to come and read lately. I am not going to apologize...this blog has been a place for me to be real and hold me accountable for what my life is really like. There are a lot of things that I can't say out loud, there are a lot of things I can't share with my kids yet, and isn't it always easier to say that you are fine when you are not. I don't want to forget I went through these experiences, I don't want to forget how God pulled me through, I don't want to forget the things that have shaped me into me, and some day whens its time I want my kids to read this and realize that I had struggles too. So I can't promise to write about happy fluffy things all the time, I can promise to be honest though and as authentic as possible and true to what God is doing with me and for me. Life is full of seasons and chapters, so happy, some sad but all great and full either way.

At the end of our wedding ceremony we sang the doxology, I was reminded of that last night. What a constant theme the words have been for me in our little life. However the blessings don't always come from the places you expect them to because God is so much bigger than that and his plan is so much more vast. We are a blessed people even in our suffering, and if you take the time to slow down and take the time to breath in once in awhile it doesn't take to much time to realize that!

So that's my soap box for now. Hope you try out Gungor they are amazing. But more than that I hope that you can find God wherever your are at in your journey in this crazy world, and get to know the promises he has for you, faith in Him He is the only one that can offer you new life.

Please Be My Strength
Gungor

I've tried to stand my ground
I've tried to understand
But I can't seem to find
My faith again

Like water on the sand
Or grasping at the wind
I keep on falling short

So please be my strength
Please be my strength
'Cause I don't have any more
I don't have any more

I'm looking for a place
Where I can plant my faith
One thing I know for sure

I cannot create it
And I cannot sustain it
It's Your love
That's keeping me

Please be my strength
Please be my strength
I don't have any more
I don't have any more

And at my final breath
I hope that I can say
I fought the good fight
Of faith

I pray your glory shines
This doubting heart of mine
And all would know that You

You are my strength
You are my strength
You and You alone
You keep bringing me back home

Oh, You are my strength
You are my strength
You and You alone
Keep bringing me back home

It's You and You alone
Bringing me back home

What We've Been Up To.....

The end of the school year is almost crazier than the beginning of the school year and this year has been no different from the previous years. When have been living life like school is already out, with lots of last minute fun and less worry over what needs to be done. I am not sure why this happens but with Memorial Day always comes the jump start for summer to me. Rain or Shine I am learning not to care, or maybe not to notice the difference.

A week ago I started a fitness bootcamp. This has been a big stretch for me seeing as it starts at 5:15 am. I am by no means a morning person. I don't mind getting up in the morning but I am normally pretty quiet and contemplative in the morning. I really don't enjoy the company of others or to much excitement first thing....so this has stretched me because it includes all of the above. On top of it, there is a very in shape women running me ragged for a good entire hour:) I secretly love it though and it is a wonderful jumpstart for my day. The reason I am doing it is to build my endurance so I can hopefully start running distance again. I am convinced this will accomplish that very thing.

So enough about the what how about some pics of what we did over the weekend.

No we are not making him wear a helmet all the time after his accident. It just seems that once the sun comes out his bike just becomes an extension of his body, so often he is on an off his bike so much I think he forgets to take the helmet off:) This particular evening we ate dinner on the front porch and let the kids kind of come and go from their food, while we watched them and enjoyed the warm sun. Sometimes life calls for a change int he norm, this was totally that.


Not the greatest picture...however, Grace is riding her bike everywhere. She even rode to Second Chance on Tuesday. That is actually quite a ways for her first time off the block without training wheels. She did great!


We had an impromptu BBQ with all of the uncles, plus Auntie Sarah and Jessie. We must have played four square on and off for hours. We also had a baseball tossing, football throwing and a game of bocce all going on at the same time at one point. WE had fun!


Uncle Luke and Elliot. Nice Guns Boys:)


And no BBQ would be complete without a Bajema sighting.


On Monday we went to Silver Lake with our neighbors to celebrate my friend Treasas birthday. It was wet and overcast but warm. We still managed to have a picnic, roast marshmallows, fish, play on the playground and have an all around good time.


Emma is Treasa's niece she is growing up so fast. She also happens to be head over heels for anything having to do with Grace.


This would be Zachary, when we moved into our house he was 6 months old and he has had me wrapped around his finger pretty much since then. I love this kid! He had no interest in casting but if I casted it out he would subsequently reel it right back in and ask for me to repeat the process. Sometimes you just go with it...it was a truly lovely day. I asked Brian on the way home if I could celebrate my birthday the same way this year:)


We may not have caught any fish but we did find a snail to make a pet out of for the day.

So whats up for this weekend you ask? Gungor concert tomorrow, Meat Feed for Bri, Chic Feed for me, a baseball game maybe, a parade and who knows what else. Oh and speaking of parades, I will say it in advance parades in our town make me crazy and I will be parking the van in the front yard to avoid being hit by all of the people that think they can parallel park a suburban in a space no bigger than a smart car.


Not sure why a couple of these pics are sideways, can't get them to post right in blogger even though they are the correct way in photobucket. So sorry in advance for your crooked neck:)

Dear Life....and Love...and Heartache...and Healing

It hit me this morning. While running through the woods in the rain with 12 or so other crazy women it hit me....much like I hoped it would. It meaning all of my experiences over the last month.

I have experienced new life, death, fear, hope, longing, anticipation, relief, a need for comfort, love, reminiscing, and a need to keep pushing forward. The need to push forward is something I have been experiencing since I was at least 4 although I am sure it started long before. 4 years old is the first time I remember the emotion so strong to want to cry, to want to break but knowing deep down that I needed to move forward, surprisingly I was 4 years old when I taught myself how to pray. And boy have I felt this is the last month! The good news is in these times I have learned that what doesn't kill you or rather what you don't let win will make you stronger. It will also be what you need to pull yourself out of the mud puddles and holes you find yourself in. The mud may still be up to your knees and you may have sweat on your brow from all the pushing and pulling it takes to get through, but the best part is you can look behind yourself and smile knowing you weren't alone in that hole, nope God was right there and even though you felt you were all alone he was there giving you a boost the whole way through. Then you smile at that hole and you may even taunt it a bit...knowing its no match for you and what you have chosen to steer your life. And this is when the healing begins.

I am so blessed it hurts sometimes. My life is so full even from the outside when it looks like everything is crumbling. I have so much to be thankful for!! And the difference between me and that little red headed 4 year old girl is I have so much to keeping pushing for, so much to hope for and look forward to! Somewhere down deep she must have known that it would look up someday, that there was a greater truth out there than the one she knew, and she survived because of it. She and I survived because of someone so much bigger than the daily problems we face.

We all have them, problems, and I have said this before, the only thing that makes mine different than yours is that they are mine:)

A Perfect Sunny Day....and Breaking The Rules

So I broke my own rules today. You see I have a job tomorrow. The job is me cooking for 13 high end clients. First I must say I love high end clients but more on that later. Back to my rule. I made a rule a long time ago that the day before a catering would be devoted to just that. Now on big jobs, weddings, funerals and the like, I have no choice but to devote an entire 4-5 days to a catering. But sometimes with a smaller job I tend to give my self more leeway, hence the need for the rule. However, faced with the nice weather and the opportunity to go on a field trip to the beach (my favorite place), I chose the beach and 15 adorable and fun 2nd graders.


It was way worth it, during the field trip I though nothing of the catering I was faced with, however afterward I quickly became freaked out about the amount of work I had to do this evening to catch up. So what does this Angry Blueberry do to get herself through the evening but stop for a coffee mid supply shopping trip and get herself all caffeined up for the long evening ahead. The problem was they were offering double shots and how could a frugal girl pass that up, it would be waste right? Brian reminded me upon my arrival home that I should always pass up double coffee shots because me on lots of caffeine and a sharp knife freaks him out:) Such is life to each there own....I am happy to report that I finished my prep work an hour ahead of schedule:) And Brian went to a movie so he didn't need to witness my wicked knife skills for to long.

Back to the field trip, first of all it was a beautiful day, I even was able to achieve the perfect amount of pink from the sun.... The kids were amazingly behaved(of course they were they are form Ebenezer;) And there was plenty to be found in the tide pools today. I even scored some sand dollars for my beach collection. Elliot had a great day, I had a great day and I was reminded that my children are my ultimate purpose right now, and that was totally worth breaking the rules!

Now why do I love high end clients. It is not for the reasons you may think. The main reason I love high end clients is because they don't mess around! They expect what they expect and if you don't deliver they blacklist you, send you your final check and you will never work in their community again(I love a challenge). They don't call you a half a dozen times in the week prior to the job because they are busy golfing, moving tables form the big house to the new house to accommodate their guests, ultimately they are just to busy to worry about if you are going to come through with what you said you would do. This creates bliss for me! It gives me time to process, provide and deliver the best that I possibly can. The other thing I love is that they usually have the nicest most well stocked kitchens , which makes for a nice work environment.

What am I making???

Appetizer Hour

Greek Style Stuffed Mushrooms
Bleu Cheese Stuffed Tiger Prawns Wrapped in Prosciutto
Seared Scallops Garnished with a Reduced Carrot Sauce (sounds weird, its not)

Salad Course
King Crab Cocktails (not traditional)

Dinner

Lemon Thyme Halibut
Roasted Asparagus
Mushroom and Thyme Risotto

Dessert

Brown Sugar Souffle served with creme anglaise and macerated Grand Marnier berries


And that's that. I am excited. Kristin and Brian are coming with me. The dinner is plated and the apps are passed so I need me some staff:)

In other news Grace learned to ride her bike without training wheels and lost both her front teeth within 10 days, I am so not ready for her to grow up, it seems I have no choice. If you ask her she will tell you she is famous because the neighbor boys witnessed her inaugural ride and cheered her on:) I love this girl! She is the picture of confidence, it melts me:)

Oh and she totally wears felted flower pins to kindergarten, because she is all about the accessory (Which she doesn't get from me). She also wheres rhinestone studded sunglasses into school and on the school bus. Shes famous...just ask her:)

A little piece of hope.

I slept for the first time in 3 weeks to the point of dreaming. I didn't wake once all night. This is a tiny piece of hope, a tiny piece of heaven. I have mentioned before that I am not a very great sleeper, however this doesn't mean I don't need sleep. The feeling of sleep however after not having any is a bit intoxicating when you wake in the morning, and the vigor and excitement that comes with it is very encouraging:)

I was reading in a devotional I turn to time and again called Streams in the Desert, it will always be one of my favorites. My system for reading it after picking it up again after sometime is to simply pick it up flip to a page and drink up the goodness that lies inside. So that is what I did yesterday I flipped to the date of May 11, and this is what I found, it is amazing to me that God can even use my random attempts at being fed. These were the exact words I needed yesterday, and He knew.

Part of it goes on to say....Oh, how everything gives way when affliction first comes upon us! The clinging stem of our hopes are quickly snapped, and our heart lies overwhelmed and prostrate, like a vine the windstorm has torn from the trellis. But once the initial shock is over and we are able to look up and say,"It is the Lord" faith begins to lift our shattered hopes once more and securely binds them to the feet of God. And the final result is confidence, safety, and peace.

The adverse winds blew against my life;
My little ship with grief was tossed;
my plans were gone-heart full of strife,
And all hope seemed to be lost-
"Then He arose"-one word of peace
"There was a calm"-a sweet release.

A tempest great of doubt and fear
Possessed of my mind; no light was there
To guide, or make my vision clear.
Dark night! twas more than I could bear-
"Then He arose"-one word of peace
"There was a calm"-a sweet release.

My heart was sinking neath the wave
Of deepening test and raging grief;
All seemed as lost, and none could save,
And nothing could bring me relief-
"Then He arose"-and spoke one word,
"There was a calm!" "IT IS THE LORD."

Oh how I love my God! I love that His presence alone can bring me the peace I need. And when I remember to ask he will give me rest! I love that when all my hope is gone my hope in Him never fades:)

And so I let it go yesterday with the knowledge that not everything is perfect yet, but it will be! I let it go knowing that not everything that has happened in the last three weeks makes sense or even panned out even close to how I wanted it to, but someday it will. I went to sleep knowing that my God know my heart hurts and my heart joys and He is there for both side of my life.

May 10th???

So I thought my life was settling down this week.....not:) Turns out I have just been neglecting my calendar. As in not looking at all. We have recently been in a season in which the tragedy at hand wipes out the previously planned events, which equals no need for a calendar:)

Well after two weeks reality has returned and I couldn't be happier. This week is teacher appreciation week, a granny's club luncheon, final eagle boosters meeting for the school year, a Jog-A-Thon BBQ, Worship Team Meeting, and a million other things. However the event that is bothering me the most is for next Tuesday, May 10, I have the word soup followed by 12pm????????? seriously for the life of me I can not remember who I am bringing soup to at noon, so if you are reading this and I am supposed to be bringing you soup please let me know;) In the meantime I am planning on making soup and having it ready in the event that someone calls and reminds me:)

I also have been desperately searching for the word vacation my planner? If you find it let me know;)

Funny Gram

My Grandma is the best ever I have said that before. She knows me all to well sometimes. She also is the best shopping buddy because after years of sewing for me she knows exactly what will look good on me and what won't. Which colors are complimentary to my skin and hair and which ones aren't. Shes a rockstar.

Recently I went to her house for a visit and this was our conversation:)

Grandma- If you were asking me(I wasn't)...I would say you have gained a few pounds:)

Me- cough cough cough giggle.....okay. Laugh some more.

Grandma- But don't worry a healthy backside is positive on a small frame:)

Me- No comment:)

Again I love my Grandma, she has also compared my backside to the likes of that famous girl you know something Lo. Not sure what it is with the topic, I am well aware that I have been blessed with certain curves, glad someone else is keeping track:)

Picture Update

Whats the saying? If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all....I am following the rule:)

The kiddos picked out new sunglasses, they wear them everywhere:)

They also play spies constantly.



My Elliot is the cutest ever.


This is Grace and her friend Mackenzie at church on Easter. Aren't they cute.


This is my Gram and 5 of her 20 some great grand children....picture didn't turn out so great so hopefully I can get them all to sit like this again some time.


Joshua and I...he is wonderful, and smells really nice like a new baby. This smell should be bottled, it is great stress relief.


Heres Layla my niece she is a chunky piece of love, I could just eat her.


These are the bricks that made up our old chimney, happiness is selling them on craigslist for $75:)


And last but not least my Grace. I baby her on Tuesdays and Thursdays when she doesn't have school. You see this girl is not a morning person, much like her Mom and happiness to Grace is morning where she can start life at her own pace. So we take our time have breakfast after Elliot goes to school, eat our english muffin split between the two us on heart plates and share a smoothie. There is no rush to eat and then she usually spends a good portion of time in the bath, talking to her Barbies. I must say I wish I could start out my days like this too, minus the Barbies:)

Well that's a boring attempt at catching up, I think we might have our first guest blogger in the meantime, while I try to come up with something fun and happy to right about:)

Dear You......An Ode to What Could Have Been

Dear You,

I heard that you moved on from this earth on Friday night. You would be surprised to know that it hit me like a ton of bricks. I really couldn't catch my breath. Millions of thoughts ran through my head at the same time, yet all I wanted to do was breath so I could run to my sister wherever she was. I had planned to see you on Monday, I wanted to come and tell you so many things and remind you that I loved you even though the last 5 years have been beyond horrible.

I guess thats where this conversation starts. Part of the reason I had to separate myself from you is because you weren't able to be the Dad of my childhood anymore. Your moods were unpredictable, and this was hard for me but it was hard on my children as well. It made me so sad to see you slip farther and farther away from who I knew you would want to be if you were all there. But you weren't. So on Monday I wanted to explain this, I wanted to tell you how much I loved you for the good times in spite of all of the bad.

I wanted to tell you that I would keep my promise that I made to you 17yrs ago when my brother was born, that I would look out for my brother and sister and keep us connected no matter what happened to you. I am keeping my promise, and I won't break it. I am helping them both now as much as I can and I will continue to.

I wanted to tell you I always hoped that all of these problems would go away so that we could have some sort of relationship. That I hoped some day you would have been able to get the help you needed so things could be better. I always held out hope that you would come to me in a gentle way and ask to fix it all.

I wanted to explain to you that there were so many other things that had happened in the last 4 years to complicate this situation even further.

Mostly though I wanted to tell you about Jesus' love for you, and I didn't. I wish I had gotten the chance, I continue to pray that someone did.

Brian drug me out of the house by my toes yesterday morning for our breakfast date, I didn't want to go, I wanted to lay around and be confused. Instead he took me to one of my favorite places, and there happened to be a man there singing and playing a guitar and he was playing all our old favorites, the ones you made me sing to you on long car rides as a kid. It was bittersweet to me. I thought of you and I remembered you telling me a couple of weeks ago that you weren't mean anymore, and I wanted to tell you I was not mad anymore.

I love you...and am sad about what could have been.

Jessica

Happy....Crappy

Happy - My Grandma took me to Boomers for a burger and waffle fires today.

Crappy - It cost $55 for a half a tank of gas in my crazy high maintenance car:)

Rhubarb, oh how I love thee, let me count the ways......

I love rhubarb....this is new for me, our love affair only started last spring. I grew up categorizing it among the other "old people foods"(all of which I love now), acorn squash, zucchini, sweet potatoes, rhubarb, beets and so many more that I am to embarrassed to admit to.

Well as you may not know rhubarb is a very versatile food, you can make desserts, sauces, glazes, compotes and chutney out of this heavenly ingredient. We even made a rhubarb sauce to top off salmon the other day and that tangy, sweet freshness was almost enough to send me over the edge.

So if you love me and you have rhubarb that you are not enjoying feel free to drop it by or tell me to come get it because I am not fortunate to have my own plants. My dad tried to plant some for me but it didn't make it. Maybe next year. But for now I am buying it from the grocery and they know what they want for it, as my grandma would say:)

In honor of this lovely ingredient I thought I would share the recipe for the pie I poured my tears into yesterday. I am proud to report there are only two pieces left, and no I didn't eat it all myself. I am enjoying it for breakfast though....don't tell anyone.

Rhubarb Berry Pie


The crust
2 cups flour
2 tblsp sugar
1 tsp salt
3/4 cup butter cold and cut into small tiny cubes
7-10 tblsp ice water

Get the dry ingredients put together in a bowl. Next cube the butter. Use your fingers and/or a fork to combine the tow together until it resembles a coarse sand. I don't prefer to use a food processor because I think this often results in a tough crust and that is already an easy enough mistake to make when making a butter crust. So get in there and get dirty..you can do it:) Slowly trickle in the water and combine together until it forms a ball.

Then break into to balls. One bigger than the other. The smaller one will become a lattice top for your pie. If even the phrase lattice top freaks you out feel free to make two equal size balls and make a traditional top for your pie.



Throw the balls of crust in the fridge until you need them again.

The most important part of the whole baking process is to love what you are creating. I swear to you it will know if you don't and you will turn out with a gross product:)

Next up the filling.

about 2 1/2 lbs of rhubarb - cut into 1 inch pieces
2/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup orange juice (freshly squeezed is the best option)
2 tsp grated orange peel
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 cup of jam - I used a raspberry jam, strawberry is the more traditional choice but really any berry jam would work.

Combine the rhubarb , sugar, o.j., orange peel, and spices in a large and deep skillet.

Cook over medium heat until liquid starts to bubble. Reduce heat to medium and cover, continuing to simmer for 8 minutes. If you like your rhubarb to have a little more crunch cook for less time.

Once you have completed the simmer stage strain over a bowl and return liquid to the pan.


The color is so pretty.
O.k. people you are now going to perform what us kitchen folk like to call a reduction. You are going to take this lovely liquid and turn it into almost a syrup. You are going to boil the liquid on its own for a good 8-10 minutes you want to be left with 2/3 cup of syrup when you are done. When that is complete mix in the jam and let cool on the stove for 15 minutes or until cool. At this point the smell will be taking over your home and if you don't eat all of the prepared rhubarb you will be lucky.

This is when I roll out my crust and get it put into my pie pan. You can also cut your strips for a lattice top.

Lastly mix the rhubarb in with the syrup and pour into your prepared pie shell. Top with your lattice. And voila. I like to brush my lattice with a bit of cream to give it some glisten in the cooking process.

375 degrees for about 50 minutes. I like to place a cookie sheet underneath to avoid bubbly messes.

Its delicious as usual let me know if you try it.

My Emmie Kaekers

My sister is my constant. I know coming from a nearly..ahem...30 year old woman, me stating this may seem strange and weird and well odd seeing as I am a happily married woman with 2 beautiful kids that are most obviously my constant, also coming from a woman who loves the Lord with all of her earthly being I could truly state that he is my constant as well. And in saying this that is true all three of these statements are true. However my sister has been my constant for her entire earthly existence, and for the last almost 25 years I have loved her with all of my being, cared for her and what not. I know that in recent years much to my dismay it is not like we are joined at the hip but I love her just the same. Our hearts are connected and we share experiences and stories and history that only we know and understand. For a lot of years she was my only constant, and now she is one of many.

Well this being said my Emmie Kaekers(her childhood nickname), is going to become a mama sooner than later, sooner being in a matter of days. She will be giving birth to a beautiful baby boy, I can say this because I already know he is going to be the cutest dark hair, dark eyed munchkin one has ever laid eyes on. I have watched her grow in the last few weeks from beautifully pregnant to beautifully pregnant, pained and uncomfortable, filled with excitement and impatience.

The last week she as well as I but mostly she has experienced some things that have brought great sadness, confusion, anger and anxiety and I am so proud of her for handling it all strong and brave. I have also been sad because I can not be her constant in the situation as much as I would like. My own choices for my family have separated us a bit in this. My original roll of caretaker, protector and defender of my baby sister, is no longer needed I know, but my heart automatically wants to go there. I have fallen asleep praying for her the last 6 nights and I imagine it will go on like this until some of these situations subside. Unfortunately only one of the situations will bring great joy, the birth of her son and the other will bring sorrow and a hole for her I am sure, death of a loved one, death of a father.

Emmi when you read this I pray that you will know how proud I am to be your sister...I will be in your corner through this. And most of all I am praying for you constantly, because this is one of my constants now. But no matter how old we get or what life brings us I will still be your sissy, I can still be your constant.......

It feels like Christmas around here...

without the biblical meaning and family obligations. It mostly feels like Christmas because packages and deliveries keeps coming. Why you ask? Because my kitchen remodel project is starting in t-minus 14 days. Woohoo!

Remodel = Renovation and Renovation = complete demo and removal of everything old in the space:) And I couldn't be more excited.

So I thought I would share some of the pieces that have arrived over the last three days.

Number 1 and what may have been the biggest decision for me.

My range:) It came today and even though it is now a piece of furniture staged behind my couch for 14 more days I am so excited I could pee my pants. That's right people I said it, I could pee my pants. I spend at least half of my life in our kitchen by free will and to have appliances that do what they are supposed to do is a huge bonus for me.

I chose a KitchenAid Convection Gas Range form their Architect Series. It has so many amazing features I can not hardly contain myself.
I was toying with two different ranges the other one didn't have quite as many raving reviews, and the only difference was rolling shelves and a perfect turkey button, and not to toot my own horn but I have been making a pretty close to perfect turkey in my hunk "o" junk oven for 5 years now so I am pretty sure I don't need a button to do it for me.

Notice all of the torn up packaging, told you its like Christmas. Did I mention it has a warming drawer? Perfectly warm buns,pancakes, and waffles for us:) It also has a built in temperature probe, wok compatible cooktop (yes I own and use a wok on a regular basis), the ability to dehydrate food and about a million other options:)

Next up and a another difficult decision was a faucet. I do not understand why something that provides one luxury is so expensive. So after looking at two million different ones I chose one in the correct color that was on sale(I use this word loosely). It also has a retractable spray nozzle(Brian's requirement).


Last but not least on our given date day we drove to Aberdeen to pick up our counter top. It was one of the longest dates we have taken on date day, and after 12 plus hours mostly spent in the car we couldn't wait for to get home. We chose a Mocha colored Paperstone. It is made completely out of recycled paper. It is for the most part a sustainable product which was important to me. We got a couple of friends to help us move it onto our patio which was no small feet at about 500lbs.


Lat two things I need to pick out are the back splash and the sink. So more to come on the kitchen remodel.