It's been crazy around these parts.

In the last two weeks we have had 3 sets of vistors.  It has been a crazy but it has also been a blessing.  

Today I feel as if things are getting back to "normal."  Everyone has gone home.  Grace is moved out of the closet.  I have done three loads of laundry already, the kids are half way through their lessons, I have a list of lesson plans organized for our vacation, grocery list in the works, bathing suit ordered, packing list started, and I have only been in tears once.  So I would say today is off to a good start!  

We shall have a couple weeks of this "normal", and then guess what?  We are going to the Caribbean on a cruise with Brians whole side of the family:)  T-Minus-12 days I think.  The trip came a massive surprise....we didn't think we were going to be able to go because of work commitments, but the commitments were canceled last week and we were able to scramble and get a room on the ship.  So yay...Bon Voyage.

I am having trouble uploading photos and I have a whole slew of them to share.  Be back soon!

Out In The Great Wide Open.

Under the skies so blue.

Yesterday we experienced the greatest Easter weather of our lives.  It was warm to the point of wearing shorts and tank tops.  And there was not a drop of rain to be had.

We tried a new church this weekend.  We joined them in their Good Friday service as well as their Easter service.  I will have to humbly admit that I had resigned my self in thinking we may not go to church this Sunday.  I dreaded the idea of visiting a church for the first time on Easter Sunday because my experience of being in church leadership has jaded me.  It was pride too I suppose.  I didn't want to appear as a Easter Christmas attender.  I loathe the idea of being someone's charity case or outreach opportunity and really I am so incredibly exhausted over the idea of church hunting.  The must ironic part of this statement is that it sounds as if I am the perfect subject to be someone's outreach opportunity my heart was so not in the right place entering this weekend.

I am once again beyond blessed to have a God that loves me despite my own misgivings, my own hang ups and sins.  We have been blessed by others in our journey to this side of the mountains.  Not only from the people we have left behind but with new friends as well. We have become friends with two other couples, the moms I met through our homeschool program.  They are wonderful Christian couples with imperfect children and loving relationships. The bond with them happened quickly and they have blessed us beyond with friendship and connection and a sense of belonging.

Hang on with me I am coming back to church and I promise this will all tie together.

When we first started looking for a new church here we chatted about what we were looking for, what we wanted for our little family, what we felt God wanted for us, and how involved we thought we would get. In the process we have experienced a church we could have been comfortable attending but never would have been able to be connected, a church that was operating on a completely different wavelength, a church with lots of rules but no love and everything else that resembles a poor fit for us.  Its been frustrating, its brought tears, its brought discussion, its been the root of my homesickness at times and it has brought much longing. 

Now back to the friends.

One of the couples is part of a church here that is missional.  It just so happens that was the number 1 thing Brian and I were looking for in a church.  It was #1 on our list.  We know that our time here in Spokane is probably going to be short and we want to serve as much as we can while we are here.  We want to connect through God using us here with others that belong to Spokane.  We know we can't make large commitments or fill callings because of our projected outlook of our time here but we can serve, we can be worker bees, we can connect.....we can work for God. And in doing this we will be fulfilling our own callings. 

This church has small groups throughout the city called missional communities they are not only filled with members of the church but they are used for outreach in the community as well.  They are filled with believers and people that are on the fence.  Together they all work through the same Bible study each week and then they talk through it.  They usually share a meal, there are kids running around like wild Indians and people are not only enjoying each other but they are learning and loving God through it all.  It is quite beautiful!  It is quite wonderful.  And God is it using it for his glory. 

So we tried their church this weekend.  On the weekend that marks the whole reason I can call Jesus my Savior.  And although I was apprehensive and at first I felt as if I were invading on this intimate and lovely family experience, I soon saw that this is a group a people that are loving each other not only for their likeness but I believe their differences as well.  We met more people on this past Sunday then we have met at any of the other churches combined.  We had invitations for lunch, shared phone numbers and connections made with people that I believe we could create relationships with.  It was refreshing.

I stood in that church singing Nothing But The Blood yesterday morning, surrounded by complete strangers and felt for the first time since we have been here that we could be home.  Tears streamed down my cheeks, my hands fell outstretched from my sides and thanked God for loving me enough to send His son to die for me.  For me that doubts, for me that lacks faith, for me that turns my back, for me that refuses to pray some times, for me that falls short, for me that forgets to be thankful in all times, in all things.  This past six months have been a testament of His love for me, of His never ending care and provision, for His plan for my little family.  Never once has he left us and not one piece of it could I claim for my own doing, it has been apparent that this journey belongs to Him as does all of my life.

We finished our day off by spending some time in His creation.  We took a hike through our new favorite outdoor space...Bowl and Pitcher near the river here in Spokane.  It is a different kind of beauty than what we have on the west side.  Everything looks foreign yet the same.  Different because if the surroundings, the trees look different, the sky looks different, even the rocks look different, yet it all looks the same to me because of my knowledge in who made it all.  We shared our time with our new friends and their children, we experienced bumps and bruises, blood and tears, laughter and play, but most of all I enjoyed the idea that God is still growing me.....still creating something new for me, through me, around me and in me.  His love and sacrifice surround me everyday, yet it is not held against me rather its only used to love me more.

On Making Friends Part #2

So when I left you last on this topic I am pretty sure I had a less than amazing attitude and had little hope that this friend making stuff was a worthwhile venture.  Once again I was proven wrong and I have pushed myself, God has thrown unsuspecting candidates my way, and I have been taken in by some kindly folks, that believe it or not have become friends.

This has been awkward....I am pretty sure I am friend making illiterate at this point in my life.  I have  no idea how to approach it.  I have no idea what real people do for fun or what to suggest.  When to call....when not to call.  What if you offend or say something wrong?  What if you order a beer and someone doesn't drink (this was actually very funny and ended well)?  What if your kids don't like each other, or your kid is mean and you can't be friends anymore?  Do you offer to help or keep your mouth shut?  How much do you share? It has been sometimes since I have had to make friends on my own without at least common ground like school or church or a neighborhood to lay the foundation. Oh man I lay awake people, I lay awake.

I alluded to the idea I had met some other mom's at the P.E. program I take the kids to on Friday's. -May I add the P.E.program is a complete and utter Godsend????-  Back to the ladies.  Yep, so I met two moms the first day we went to P.E.  they immediately welcomed me in, started conversation, kept the lulls to a minimum, and seemed to genuinely want to get to know me.  It was very apparent early on that they were Christians as the conversation led to what they had done that week and what their plans were for the weekend...these plans included church, this led to more questions on my part, they gladly answered.  I came home that afternoon feeling like a new woman.

At this point it had been months since I had been able to sit down with other women in my position and chat.  At this point I had met no one that I could be friends with and I found myself getting my fill of social interaction with the checkers at Target.  I would chat those checkers up like we were long lost friends, I am sure they thought I was crazy (not the first time, not the last either:).

That night I told Brian about my experience and said to him that was all I needed, if I had nothing more socially than someone to chat with on Friday's it was something to look forward to, it was an outlet and a healthy one at that! But at this point I was pretty sure that the whole friendship thing wasn't going to happen.  I thanked God for the outlet and did not pray any further than that. I fail to ask for more when I should, its a faith issue really....a protection mechanism to keep the disappointment at bay, I need to work on it.

Well God had more in store for me.  I am not surprised but I am overwhelmed.  One of these women has become a friend, like a real one and she has introduced me to others.  She has sweet kids that play with mine and she is supportive and wonderful and fun.  And it turns out we have a lot of common interests as well.  She feeds her family in the way that I do, holds the same values and convictions and is just plain fun.  In fact last night when I gifted her with some of my canned goods she let out a squeal of glee....come on people really...this is God stuff.

I thought coming into this "Spokane experience" that it would be impossible to make friends and after we decided to homeschool I thought that even more.  I mean where was I going to meet people and when would I have the time.  Last night I went out with the ladies and my friend told me that God told her the first day we met that I was going to be her new friend.  If you know me you are aware that it took every bit of self control to not weep in this moment.  That God would use someone to bless me with friendship even when I doubted Him completely is beyond comprehension to me.

These months have been a journey for me.  God is redefining, humbling and molding me into something more than I was before.  There are times when I want nothing more than to hop into my van and drive across the expanse of mountains that lie between me and "my life." But I am realizing more and more that "my life" isn't really mine at all, nor is it a place or a feeling or an existence.  It is something so much more that has so little to do with the "me" that so often does nothing more than attempt to get in the way.  

More tomorrow I promise....this is getting good.

On making friends.

Here's the dealio.

Number 1 - I didn't want new friends....bad attitude that I am trying to fix.

Number 2 - It's hard work and takes much effort.

Number 3 - It's easy to go unnoticed and fly under the radar.

Number 4 - It feels very isolating when no one knows you and has no reason to.

Number 5 - I met some new moms at PE last week.  They were both knitting and seem to enjoy a lot of the same things that I do.

Number 6 - How do you ask.....Do you enjoy harvesting your own food?  Aka do you kill your own chickens?

Number 7 - I do have one friend here her name is Katrina and we don't have tons in common but she is super fun and I really enjoy her company.  She works with Brian.

Number 8 - I have a hard time justifying surface level relationship.

Number 9 - Making connections when you know leaving is inevitable is hard for me to wrap my mind around.

Number 10 - I miss my homies!

Today we are going to PE and a skating activity that takes place the first Friday of every month.  We have pretty huge goals set by the state for physical fitness so it is nice to have scheduled weekly activities to get those minutes completed for homeschooling.  Anyway I am hoping to meet some potential acquaintances.  It is so awkward and weird and I am used to being fairly sheltered in my friend making environment.  I usually know the root of most people I come in contact with.  And so I guess I even struggle with appropriate topics of discussion.  And so I confess I am nearly friend making illiterate and I miss my homies.

This was a fairly random blabber of a post.....stretching to the classification of word vomit.  Sorry its what I got today.

I will leave you with a text conversation I had with my mom yesterday.

The Good, The Bad and The Worth Praying For

Let start with everybody's favorite....The Good....

First off we obtained a Christmas tree yesterday. WE drove outside of town to a cluster of Christmas Tree farms and purchased a Colorado Blue Spruce, it is a beautiful tree. I happen to love Christmas Tree day. I am also very good at spotting the best tree right away, then we walk the rest of lot and nevertheless always come back to that first tree. It's quick and painless.

This year due to our new living arrangement I was able to get an upgrade in size. Thats right folks my 6 foot tree grew to just under 11 feet and boy am I happy. I love a big tall tree!

Our long standing tradition was changed this year. But that didn't mean we couldn't have a great day and make new memories getting our tree. I live and breath for family time like this. It was I think we miss sometimes with the business and need to's and have to's of life. So I thrive on making it special and letting it be what it is.

So we started our trip off yesterday by going to the Donut Parade. On infamous donut haunt here in Spokane. The best donut I have ever had was there. It was a cake donut which shouldn't' have been called that or maybe has just been redefined for mw at this point, furthermore, with maple icing and a cinnamon crumble on top. Now i have had my share of donuts and this one changed my world.

So we all had our donuts, played 20 questions and took in sometime just being the Jagers. I realize lately that this move has nothing to do with who we are, we are still the Jagers...people who dwell and reflect kindness, a family who loves each other enough that we end up loving others as well in the same way,and lastly a couple who has two sweet little rascals that end of drawing attention to us no matter where we go...unknown maybe invisible I think not . If anything this move has brought out strengths and weakened our weaknesses, there is a patience about us that is not comparable to anything I have ever felt.




Oh and I still love this man where ever we are!

And alas the picture of our tree....its still a Vegas Tree, Its still covered in paste saturated ornaments and preschool faces.


And we have two trees ...one in each atrium that are covered in lights and set on timers to come on together at dark. They are beautiful as well.


In other Christmas news, I have finished my only planned CHristmas gift and it has been sent off with a complete stranger to be quilted:) I am very pleased with my workmanship and surprised at my love for quilting.

This has also been a very lovely project to do with my grandmother who is a pro in this arena.

On friday we invited our neighbors over for a Thanksgiving meal and although they are old enough to be our parents it was oh so nice to have a social interaction in this way. To share our home and to serve others was such a breath of fresh air. It was an enjoyable evening and I hope to do it again.

And now for the bad......There isn't a lot of it. I have a hard time labeling things as such.

Sundays prove to be the hardest days for me. And the empty feeling of sad, mad, and confused starts to creep in on Saturday night. I miss my family, I miss grandparents for my kids, I miss the promise of game night with my homies and I miss the feeling of belonging to something outside of myself. The absence of a church family is something I do not wish upon anyone. And please don't tell me it has only been a month and there is time and I need patience.....blah blah blah. If you have ever moved with your kids to a new city, knowing no one and having no connection, you can tell me what you want other wise its offensive and condescending and yucky so please don't. If you want to be helpful just pray we find some connection....some community. We are lonely...and this is the most foreign feeling for us 4 Jagers.

And lastly lets talk about the worth praying for.

After 4 churches this morning I think we may have found a potential. We attended service and it was reminiscent of churches past for us, it was refreshing with newness and life and although we most obviously din't belong yet, they had community there. And I think we could be a part of it in time. So this is post definitely worth praying for and worth praising God for a piece of light a piece of hope.

They sang the song Beautiful Things by Gungor and once again that song took on a new meaning for me. I love the work=ds to this song it hold so much reminder of hope and what there is to look forward to. It was a reminder that even in this blank slate life I am living right now he has full intention of making it beautiful. He will make something out of it. And so I will wait in that some more.

The sermon was really great there was a great challenge int he message and the service ended in a benediction that wrapped you in a warm hug. I loved it!

And so even in the dark spots right now I am reminded that even in the sunset there is hope of the sunrise in the morning. That each day is one closer to something much bigger and much more lovely then the day at hand. And each day past holds a reminder of God's promise that he has all things in his hands at all times and He is not only a God who loves but a God who has already planned the day ahead and the day behind us.


Peace out Homies......