I need to write today.......

I have been teaching my sunday school kids about their light lately. It is something that has been on my mind personally and whenever I feel like God is resting something on me I try to let trickle into every corner of life to in way I guess try the certain theme or idea on for size. Sort of like when you buy a new sweater that you are not sure fits quite right, you know the one that you don't even really wear for awhile you simply try it on and place it back on the shelf waiting for when it feels right (ok this might just be me). Anyway that is kind of what this idea has been like trying it on taking it off trying it on taking it off again and finally it fits it feels like a sweater I have had for years you know the one with a hole that you try to creatively hide because it is so comfortable in your opinion the tiny hole or snag only makes it better. Not sure where the reference of the sweater keeps coming from but its workin' for me(must be fall).

Anyway, with this specific theme I wanted to know so badly why it was pressing tighter and tighter, so every time I teach we sing the famous tune, this little light of mine and I talk to the kids about their light, What their light looks like, what it feels like, how we can use it to glorify God. I am not sure how much of it they have caught but sometimes you are teaching for the future. Sometimes you have to teach and hope their is nugget of truth that sticks for later down the road. And all I know is that God is using it.

You see not coming from a Christian background with strong Christian School roots all I have learned about the Bible and God has come in the last 15 years really. I learned a bit in Awana as a kid and I knew John 3:16 frontwards and back before I even knew what it really meant. But most of my walk has been real, has been more out of need than tradition, more out of surviving than existing and I am finally really coming to appreciate that. I remember being terrified to start teaching Sunday school 7 years ago because I thought these kids know this stuff better than me. But now I know that to be true in most all areas having two of my own kids. And what I know more now is that God uses everything He has given me, not everything he has given everyone else. My walk is not just personal to me it is personal to Him because it was what He created! That being said I can tell you the rest of this story.

Well I think my lessons of light have finally spoke to me as well. I think God was not so much trying to show me what my light was or what brings it to full capacity. Although I did learn about that too. I think he was trying to show me more what gets in the way of it shining as brightly as it can. I think that while God is busy clothing you with blessings Satan is trying to tell you that you need another sweater. That you don't have enough that you need more. I think I have struggled with that lately in my business actually I know this. I know while God was blessing me with the light only He can supply when I am elbow deep in butter in flour, Satan was busy trying to tell me well if you would do A or B this could be bigger, money could be more, your name would be spread, your blessings will be multiplied. And I can tell you that this wanting these desires, were not of God and they were starting to dim my light. The stress and anxiety that came with these thoughts and ideas and "dreams" was suffocating me.

So after much prayer and soul searching I realized what this journey of "light" was all about. It was about being content, about realization, about thankfulness and living in the moment. As soon as I dropped the idea it was as if 50,000 pounds were lifted from my shoulders and a wonderful person reminded me that was the feeling that only God can give PEACE.

My light shines in doing for others not doing for myself. And in doing for others I can serve God and Acts of Service is where my light lies, where it shines really.

And so I realize we really all are Children of God and that never really doesn't ever stopping being true. And that is why I love that when I am teaching all of those cute little faces on Sunday mornings God sneaks some lessons in for me as well. He is not into Waste Management is what Beth Moore says and i think she is right!

Family, Friends and Fall

We had a fabulous day yesterday! It was filled with the three F's Family, Friends and Fall. The 4th F would be feathers I suppose but we will get to that later. I couldn't help but feel fall in the air yesterday, the crisp coolness of the air is truly dreamy to me. The colors and the smells and overall freshness that Fall brings is quite intoxicating at times.

The morning started with a family breakfast. I didn't take any pictures but I can assure you that I have the cutest niece and nephew and kids in the world......


Next up was the pumpkin patch and guess who we brought along for the first time......


Our Daddy-Man!

Its tradition for everyone to pick their own pumpkin the only rule being you have to put it in the wagon yourself. Elliot is always determined to find the biggest one he can possibly lift and this year his weighed 26lbs.



I also think this is the first year Grace didn't pick a green pumpkin.

The next part of our day was equally fun. My friend Lea invited our little family over to butcher some roosters and hens that were ready to pass on:)

There is alot involved in the process and I was so happy she asked me to come and be part of the day. I have been very interested in sustainable and organic living over the last couple of years and in knowing that she graciously offered to teach me how to do this.


This is a freshly captured rooster. You hang them upside down to calm them before...well you know.


After some examination we discovered that this particular rooster was a "keeper" so we released him to live another day on the chicken farm and went back for one of his brothers.


Lea told me to wave to the camera. This is the finished product after plucking, de-gutting and cleaning.

I must say I made soup out of them today and it was the most beautiful, velvety stock I have ever had. Thanks so much Lea and family for inviting us over. The hot-dogs and PB smores were a perfect end to the day!! Can't wait for more chicken adventures.

Where I have been and where I am going to be...

I haven't been blogging much....this I know. I guess I just lost some of my gusto over the last couple of weeks. My mind is full, my plate is full, my house is full, my heart is HEAVY. I have had many decisions to make and I can tell you honestly I haven't wanted to make them because of one very big thing. This past few months have been full of blessings and honestly I have not forgotten where those blessings come from for one moment. I know in my heart that Gods name is signed on the top and bottom of each page in my life and I never forget to be thankful for that but I have forgotten that there is more to my walk then thankfulness. However I have allowed myself to became consumed with the blessings of life instead of being consumed by the blesser of it.

I am on a 5 day stretch of a somewhat "vacation." Not a planned vacation but a much needed lull in the food industry. Don't worry it will all pick up again on Friday and stay for some time after that. The vacation however has been nice. Monday was nothing less than a picture of what heaven is in my daily life. I had the whole day to love my kids, indulge them in playdates, clean my house, bake, cook a beautiful dinner, not only wash some laundry but fold it as well (huge), relax and reflect on what this life is. I can not in full detail explain the decisions I have on my plate right now but I will tell you in a recent conversation with my husband I confided in him in saying I can not possibly make this decision until God speaks to me about it. You see I have been talking with God about this situation for the last 4 months, and I have not heard his voice once. Not even once. And I have been perplexed because I can assure you it is not because He did not give me the opportunity in the first place. This has made me realize there is some distance between Him and I and it has been a painful distance for me because I have been truly convinced that something I have done has made me unworthy of the sound of His voice. Now before I get 20 emails telling me otherwise, I know better, I truly do.

So back to Monday.....I had this day of "rest." I reveled in it, I basked in it, I enjoyed every moment of it, it was the best day I have had in awhile and I thanked God continuously for it all day long. But when I went to bed that night all I could think about was this distance. And I started talking to God, I starting pleading to Him to speak to me and telling Him I was just waiting for Him to "lead me" and then for the first time in long while I felt His presence and almost immediately I realized he was waiting for me to be consumed with Him. To need Him, to give him my time wholeheartedly, to really plead for Him. The strange thing is I never felt as if He left me because He didn't. I think He was just waiting for me to miss His companionship, His Voice. Oh and how I cried when the reality hit me that it was me in the way of Him.

This morning I sat down with my Bible for 2 hours. I must ashamedly say it has been months since I have given myself the time to sit down with my Bible. Months since I have given Him a chance to speak to me. And I reveled in it, basked in it, and enjoyed every moment of it, it was the best morning I have had in a long while. And as I sat in the sunshinyness of my dining room feeling the warmth of His sun on my back I remembered so vividly what His voice sounds like and I never want to be without it again.

So now you know where I have been and where I am going to be....with Him!

Mean People

AS side note that has nothing to do with the post.
This pic was taken October 2006 the first fall we lived in our house. It was on Pumpkin Patch day a tradition the kids and I have. Brian actually doesn't usually go with us....I think he likes it this way. If he doesn't come he doesn't have to fight with us over the size of our pumpkins. So it is a mommy day and I love it. And with October quickly approaching I can't wait to get pumpkins!

I am still exhausted however my exhaustion has turned to irritation and I am going to tell you why. First of all I have had it up to my eyeballs with mean people!!! Especially mean women. I have been dealing with the quote unquote mean girl since about 6th grade and its funny how as an adult you would think they have gotten over whatever kink they have however I think they just get meaner. And they are everywhere, and I have decided they should be shipped to an island where they can be mean to each other and leave the rest of us alone. Well that feels great to get off of my chest.

I look at my children play with other children at the park or school, I watch them interact with all types of kids from what seems to be all different backgrounds and all they care about is that they are both kids. The innocence is beautiful and refreshing and something to behold and treasure. When Elliot was about 2 he would introduce himself as Elliot William. So whenever we went to play somewhere he would pick the first kid he get a hold of and state very quickly, "Hi my name is Elliot William Jager. Will you be my friend?" It was precious! I am not sure when we loose this, but it stinks! Why can't we approach people like this as adults? Why can't we still give people the benefit doubt and/or realize that we are all made with different physical traits and gifts and abilities. This being for good reason so that we can all work together for God. I am not sure where this gets lost but it does. You know I have heard it it time and time again and I have said this same thing to my own kids, "Ignore them, shrug it off, find someone else to play with....." This advice is not really all that bad however I am not sure it is the solution either. And since I am tired and cranky and a bit sassy right now I am not rolling with punches all that well. So beware all those mean people out there I am no longer taking your stuff, I just simply will not stand for and it and in the next paragraph I will tell you what I am going to do. And when I do it you will be the irritated ones I am sure:)

I am going to BE KIND. You know the Jager's have had a motto since Elliot was able to steal toys from others and that is "Be Kind!" I think it is one that we can all use. I recently went to a Beth Moore Simulcast and she really took this home for me. She laid the idea of kindness out pretty clearly. I try to take this idea in my pocket everywhere I go and you know its pretty empowering. IT feels really good to be assertive and kind at the same time. It feels really good to to return peoples mean comments with truths and that is what I am going to keep on doing. I recently had a conversation with someone who was extremely rude to me right in my face and I ended the conversation by saying, "you know I am not sure we will ever agree but I can love you because we are both human." She turned around and walked away. This is what I will keep doing so brace yourself.

Oh and one more thing....Gossiping is a waste of your time if you are a gossiper because the person that is willing to listen to you is going to tell the person you are talking about what you say. And when the person that you are talking about hears what you have been saying about them they won't be happy. And then in turn you have created a giant mess that you will have to dig yourself out of because if they are like me they will make you very uncomfortable and ask you about why you felt that way in the first place and why you couldn't just confront them. I know this is a refresher for most of us from school however experiencing this in adulthood makes life seem like one big expensive high school and I am over it!

This being said I know longer want to hear whos brother is marrying who, or who was seen doing whatever they were doing, or who told whoever whatever they told them. If I need to know I will find out on my own. So please leave me out of any of these so called conversations they are a waste of not only my time but yours as well!!! And if you catch me doing this please confront me because I am trying very hard not to be a talker or a listener of gossip or heresay. Because being categorized among the mean girls is not something I have ever wanted to be!

There you go I have said what I needed to say....hopefully the next post will be light and fluffy because I am sure people are going to stop reading if all I do is make public service announcements:(

Quick Word On Something Gross

Statement.......Compostable Toilets are GROSS! I am all pro-hippie and pro-world and pro-sustainable living however if you live in the free world and have access and the ability to flush your stuff...do it! If you need to recycle to the umpteenth degree more power too you make a plastic wrap ball or something....but draw the line at your toilet.....do not get rid of your toilet.

I was at an event this week and needed to use the facilities. I opened the door to the compostable toilet with the lid open.....gross. I will not go on any further...but gross!

And by the way toilet lid closing is a pet peeve of mine feel free to practice this as well. No one wants to be welcomed by the toilet!

Consider this a public service announcement.......................

I have deemed this specific toilet the Compostable Crapper.....sorry for the PG 13 post but I couldn't resist. Obviously I am still scarred.

The Great Catering Take-Over

These last two weeks of September will be the death of me I am sure of it. And in case you don't want to read a bit of complaining about this fact feel free to skip this post because I am beyond exhausted and in need of a space where I can vent.

It started with Monday. I have agreed to work Mondays because....well both kids are at school and if I work my bum off I can do Monday and Tuesdays work on Monday which means we just need to find someone to deliver the food on Tuesday which is much easier than finding someone who can actually cook:)

So I did that this week...then we cooked for a"harvest party" on Wednesday...it was for a certain denominational group that I find intriguing. My mind is still reeling over this particular job, however it was a drop and go meal so peace be with them....I dropped the food and ran as quickly as possible to the safety of my volvo wagon and drove as quickly as I could go home:)

Thursday was a small intimate dinner for 30 at the Purple Space in Bellingham. The Purple Space is actually a wine "club" so to speak...it is a bit exclusive and you can only have parties their if you are a member. So that being said the party went amazing the party theme was the NW meets Paris so naturally they wanted French food. I made coq au vin....this is my kind of food and it was beautiful, lovely, and delicious. However in the process I slit open my pinky without realizing and bled allover $20 a pound mushrooms...once again I am not sure my hands will survive this job and bleeding all over expensive fungus is not fun. But back to the party Thursday gets "better". The decorations were orange gerbs and wait for it......metallic orca balloons. I have learned the more money you have the stranger your taste in decorations are. The end of the evening went perfectly we got the box truck loaded up and all the staff had left (this is where things get interesting). So its very dark in fact barely any lights and although I had pulled in just fine, pulling out of that driveway was difficult to say the least with a huge box truck. So I think I have cleared the fence when I hear it rattle a bit. Oh man................... So I decide it is probably best for me to find a parking lot somewhere to pull my enormous box truck into to check out the damage. I am expecting scrapes yet what I find is a hole in the side of our truck....a hole people at the end of a 14 hour day. Really, your kidding right.....nope.......there is a hole and at that moment I feel as if I might throw up. Turns out upon returning to the scene of the crime I did not actually hit the fence. There was a large bolt sticking out from the fence that no one would have seen and it skinned my truck in one area like a tuna can:) Oh happy day. And I should put emphasis on the word was because when I found the bolt, it was laying on the ground with the piece of my truck still wrapped around it. So after freaking out I went to Walgreens and patched the hole with some white duct tape and went on my way. Still not sure about the fixing of the hole, but my dad has a guy of course;)

As if this week has not been enough I have to go into work this morning and prep my heart out for a crazy job we are doing on Sunday. It is for the Elders of the tribal community. Not sure how all of these wonderful people find us but they do. And on Sunday we will be riding done in our newly air conditioned big box truck to serve 200 of them:) The menu is heavy appetizers..which means they want a meal without having to sit. So today we made 210 deviled eggs ( not your run of the mill potluck style ones, they are filled with salmon 3 variations actually), salmon skewers and expensive mushroom crostini, we also made 200+ crab cakes. IT should be an easy event (can't believe I said this out loud.

Next week is a ball park themed party for people that want artisan hot dog buns ( we actually know a guy that makes these believe it or not he also make pretzels), and Dino Rossi is coming to town on Thursday I will be making him truffles. And on Saturday we will be catering a wedding in our neck of the woods Angry Blueberry style.

Grace and I went for Pedicures tonight to celebrate some girly time, and I loved every stinkin minute of it. I let her choose which color I needed for my toes.....I am happy to report they are a neon shade of purple. She also decided we should have Subway for dinner afterwards. During diner she said, don't you just love girly time, with tears in my eyes I replied, more than you know my love!

So tomorrow I am taking a day of rest and running a food booth for school. I will also be loving up on my little family and hopefully sharing pot roast because it is pot roast kind of weather outside.

So heres the official Angry Blueberry sign out hoping you have a weekend full of Good Food, Good Friends, and Good Times!

Apple Sauce Making With That Grace

Once again my cute pics can not be uploaded. But I will tell you what Grace and I did today. Our daddy left this morning to go to Portland for two days, we are sad:( However this mama and her best girl, that Grace, love to make applesauce. Our daddy panics a bit by the time the 4th box of apples comes through the front door, so we decided to take advantage of his absence and sneak the first 25 pounds in. It was a fabulous day, that Grace used a peeler for the first time. Which means her domesticness was used and so was mine and this makes us both very happy. You see my girl is a domestic goddess in the making. I love this, she loves this. The truth is I needed a Grace day and that is what I got it was fabulous. Her being in kindergarten is not all fun and games you know because I miss That Grace!

Well back to the applesauce....I love making applesauce, I love the smell, I love the monotony of the peeling, I even love the way my hands get sticky and I especially loved how mine and That Graces hair smelled like apples at the end of the day. I love wearing my apron (I collect them you know) I love that That Grace wore one as well and told me even though it was baggyish on her it looked very gorgeous.....I love this girl...did I say this yet? So we made an abundance of applesauce, delivered some to the neighbors, made a pie and even made dinner with homemadeish (I doctored some jarred organic sauce that I love) spaghetti sauce, which increased the wonderful aroma in my house ten fold.

Now I will go to bed and probably not sleep to well because when the hubs is gone I sleep fairly terrible. But I will go to bed feeling wonderful because I got to do all of the things I love today. All the things I feel I was made for.

Oh and Bible Study starts tomorrow. Can't wait, it will be wonderful!