Thursday, November 6, 2014

Hey Weird Kid,I See You.

You are worth it.   Those 4 words would make a difference in most kids life.  They would have made a difference in mine.  They make a difference for my kids.  And they are very much Gods heart for each of us.  "Hey weird kid, I see you and you were worth the sacrifice."

I was a weird kid.  I was a weird kid that never fit in.  That was separated by my life experience at a very young age.  Wounded and broken.  Serious and intense.  Wise beyond my years. Those were the polite words that people would use to describe me or my situation as a child. And for most of my life I believed that it was just me.  That my experience was what set me apart. I tried hiding from myself, hiding my story, "acting normal", keeping silent, being invisible.  What I realize now is that people use those words for things they do not understand.  They make up phrases to cover their misunderstanding, their judgement, their own guilt for how they really feel.  I was not set apart in this.  I was not a victim of my life experience, I was not a victim at all.  In fact there was nothing that happened to me that was not seen by my Father in heaven.   

In most of life we are only as different as we allow ourselves to be.  Because we are unaware of what connects us all in the first place.  We are unaware that we were created on purpose, that God determined us worthy when we were merely only a thought in his mind, before were even born.

Being weird though in the worlds eyes or being seen differently has the ability to wreck you.  It can easily typecast you.  It can easily stunt you if you believe in the category.  It can easily become truth in your heart.

My son Elliot has been viewed as the above.  Much if not all of his life.  He has dealt with bullying, judgement, being left out, and the like on more than one occasion.  By kids, by teachers, by other parents, by strangers. Subsequently I have seen him deal with this in a number of ways.  I have seen him cry, lash out, act in the way those expect simply to prove them right, remove himself from fun and I've watched him become as others describe...wise beyond his years.  I have heard him describe himself in ungodly ways, I have heard him repeat the description others have placed on him, I have heard him tell me that his life is not worth living.  He is 11.  But the good is equally real and over the last year I have seen beauty come from ashes. He is sensitive to the needs of others, willing to help the underdog, loving and kind beyond measure, and accepting of just about anyone.  He is smart and wise, tender and good. 

This isn't my rebuttal to the world or my declaration of my son as a victim.  It may be my declaration that we miss out.  That when we judge some as different often times it becomes bad overnight.  We often times categorize these people as not worth the time, not worth the effort, exhausting, and unworthy.  And my favorite weird! 

I could give you the argument of weird people make the world go 'round.  I could name countless "famous" folks that were considered weird or outcast.  I could tell you that we are missing out by typecasting the fortunate who are bold enough to be who God created them to be, but I assure most "weird" people would rather just fit in.   Because thats what society says we should do.

But mostly I want to tell you that God has purpose in each of us, you were made on purpose.  And God sees your tears, he sees you when you are left out, he sees you when you are judged.  He wants you to know that you belong, that you are wanted, and that you were worth the sacrifice of His son on the cross. 

I went to my sons conference last night.  We just finished a couple of years of tumultuous experience of schooling.  Home was fine the public sector was less than.  I became shell shocked by the amount of complaints I heard about my son each week at school.  It was hard.  It was real.  He did not fit in. Some of it was on him, some of it was on others.  Some of it was on me.  So this year when we decided to put Elliot back in the school system I was more than worried.  I was petrified.  Brian and I had prayed and pondered and prayed some more and felt led to send him and so we did.  I have prayed until I have had no words left to pray each and every morning, that he would be loved, that he would be accepted, that he would be heard and seen and known. And God has softened my heart to realize that Elliot was already loved, accepted, heard, seen and known and he is worthy.  Praise be to God.  When I walked into that school last night I went expecting the worst - its a theme for me-  and what I heard humbled and blessed my heart.  There weren't any complaints, in fact the words were....Elliot is a perfect addition to our class, he is helpful and kind, the first one to offer a hand. And my son beamed.  I remembered and reminded myself that God is good in the good and the bad. He was good through the complaints and he was good when we received praise.  

The difference of me expecting the worst last night compared to times in the past was I did not need those words from Elliot's teachers to validate how I felt about my son. He did not need them to define his worth.  God had taken care of my heart through the hard times. And had we not gone through the amount of judgement and hardship we have gone through over the years I am not sure that moment would have rung as sweet. Because without the hardship I rest assured that there would have been far less talk of Jesus in our house, the credit would have been easier to accept as our own. There would have been far less vulnerability and tears in my home, which would have left less room for God to dig in deep.  And the healing...oh the healing.  There has been much.  And what I am left with is an immense faith in the one who truly heals.  The one who determined our worth so long ago. 

God created us all weird, because we were all created incredibly different on purpose, but in that we can find that we have far more in common. We have the same creator who looks at us and says you are beautiful, you are loved, you were created for good, on purpose, I see you, and you are worthy. And that folks is our identity, those are the words we get to walk around with, that not only describe us but save us from the judgement of this world.  

Walk in love friends-

1 comment:

Andrea said...

This is the best, Jess. I know I have said it a million times but your writing always hits it right on the nose. You are so gifted and I am so grateful for your words and your wisdom. Love you friend.