Monday, December 17, 2012

Angels among us.

I went to church by myself yesterday. It was truly lonelier than I thought it would be. In fact so lonely at the beginning I wished I would have stayed home. Brian had the flu and Elliot slept in due to lack of sleep last week, with stress from the Christmas program and Brian out of town. And Grace well she was more than happy to stay home with her Daddy and watch toons. So I dolled myself up and off to church I went...alone.

I found myself investigating the church yesterday. With my eyes only I allowed myself to take in each pipe of the organ, I attempted to recognize heads in front of me That we have seen over the last few weeks, I smiled at children that recognized me before their parents, there is a little boy that sits in fron of us and I said hello to him and he turned to his Dad and said, "Daddy that lady said hello to me again. Did you here her? Hello, Hello, Hello." I guess that he must be two going on three and he is scrumptious. I found myself looking over the interesting instrumental quintet for the morning and sang as loudly as I could during worship. I felt the spirit but I felt alone. The sermon was on realizing we do not have the power to do things on our own, we in fact need God to do much for us. A sermon on the topic of faith and the light of hope. I think a lot of us could have used that sermon this week. I know I did for more than one reason.

As the sermon went on I felt myself begin to pray a prayer I have prayed more than once, probably more than 10 times in the last month and a half. I prayed for a place to belong. A place to be needed. A place that God could use me to do His will. And then I went on autopilot. The last few days have been stressful and I have felt a bit depressed and anxious. I have prayed constantly for God to remove the anxiety and to help me to move forward with hope that things will become normal. But most often I pray and ask that he would use me.

Well it wasn't to much longer and we were singing the closing song and I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. There is an older couple that sits in a pew 1 back and 1 to the right from us every week. He has a grandpa demeanor (we all know how much I love a good Grandpa) he winks at you and has a warm smile. It was he who was tapping on my shoulder. He whispered and asked me if we would be at the 4o'clock service on Christmas Eve. I said yes and he went on to tell me he would really appreciate it if I could take the time to usher at the door closest to our pew on Christmas Eve. I asked, "me?" He said yes you know with 4 services we are very shorthanded and if you would be willing. Now let me tell you I know ushering and handing out programs is no big thing but how often are you blessed by a warm smile from the usher when you walk into church. God was answering my prayer and it took all that was in me to not start weeping. I have a job I can do no matter how simple, I can use it to bless others. I thanked the man...twice. He had me write down my phone number and he went back to his pew. As I was putting on my coat he walked by me with a touch to my shoulder and said thanks kid. Mercy....blessings.

So I drove home.

There was about six inches of snow in my driveway yesterday. I knew we were supposed to get more and with Brian sick I knew I should find a way to shovel it. Well turns out we didn't pack our snow shovel. So I had it in my mind that after lunch I would go out with the kids and purchase one. The kids went out to play in the snow and I went to reading a book. When the kids came in a heard what I thought was a chainsaw so I went to look what was the clatter:) Turns out my neighbor Mr. Wise the engineer took it upon himself to snow blow my long drive way and all the way around the loop. Another blessing. I ran out and said thank you and he looked at me said, this really isn't a big deal it takes me but two minutes with this snow blower. Maybe so but it would have taken me hours with a shovel.

So yesterday was filled with angels....people just doing what they felt led to do and blessing me in the process. It was a day to remember that without God I have nothing but with him I can do all things that he intends for me to do. This journey has been about obedience, trust and faith. All things that I struggle with on a daily basis and I am learning so much. This may e all that God intends for me right now and it is so hard but I am trying not to do anything that he hasn't put in my path to do. I am trying to to create my own story, I am trying to let him lead the way. And by golly it will not kill me but is making me a heck of a lot stronger.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

All dressed up and we actually had someplace to go....

We actually had scheduled events this week, which proved to be very exciting.

On Thursday the kids performed in a Christmas Musical called Christmas Letters at school. Funny story....Grace was just sure that one of the shepherds was going to lose his role due to his inability to behave and I may of caught her wishing that it would happen. She informed she knew his whole part in case it happened. I told her maybe we needed to pray that he could have self control so he could keep his part. I am not sure if this changed her heart:) It was nice though to see her have the desire to perform, she is my nature and bent already a drama major:)

As you may know one of children loves the stage while the other thinks it is the worst idea ont he planet. It is quite sad as I think it is his own personal version of hell, insert writhing and gnashing of teeth and I am not even exaggerating. Getting him on that stage took much prayer before and during.

They both did wonderfully though and if nothing else they were very cute!

I made Grace's dress this year. After shopping around I just wasn't satified with what the stores had to offer. It seems like every year the clothes options for little girls become less modest and more "mature." I'm not into it. So we went with a beautiful plaid and she looked darling. I am so thankful for this little beauty!

Next up is this handsome man. As you can tell we had already experienced so anxiety. He persevered though and I think it is good for him to do so. He actually as quite a nice singing voice as well as great rhythm its just the performing that he hates. I am very proud of him for doing what he needed to do and not losing it on stage.

It was a great night though enjoyed by all involved. The program was complete with a student falling off the risers not once but twice and jazz hands, the student whose mom makes them where an oversized suit and the little girl who was allowed to wear heel shoes....its predictable no matter where you are.

Last night Brian and I went to a "holiday party" that he hosted with his peers for their employees. It was great the food was okay and it was nice to meet his team. I am not sure how qualified I am to be a bosses wife, being the help is way better. And I am not sure I hit it off with the other bosses wife, but theres always next time. I mean I like to cook and sew and kill my own food.....I need to work on some other hobbies that are more normal I suppose.

This is the best photo I have of the two of us together. Remember we have an 80 year old with shaky hands or an over exuberant 9 year old to take photos of us, so we take what we can get;)

And here is me and a great dress that I have had for years and only worn once.
The shoes were a steal as well. When I got to the counter I thought they were $60 and when the lady rang up the sale they were only $12...winning....three fist pumps for shoes on sale.

And just to show you it isn't always little black dresses, heels and pearls. I am pretty sure a small animal could have taken up residence in the back of my hair this morning. There was an actual nest back there.

We have lots of snow on the ground and are expecting to be dumped on again tonight the kids made snow men and used their new sleds. We also hit up the library.
Tonight we will enjoy pot roast for dinner and tomorrow we will go back to 1st Presbyterian again in the morning. This will be our 3rd visit to this church. I think we will continue to visit until after the holidays and try to get a bit more plugged in come January. So far it seems very lovely. The pastor is great and the worship is wonderful. It is a bit bigger than we are used to but is not huge. So time will tell I suppose.

Hope all is well with all of you!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

The Day Sarah Said No!

The Rah and I often find ourselves texting random photos back and forth together usually accompanied by ridiculous banter. And the other night we had a conversation so good I thought I would share it with you.

Risking all respect I may have from you people I am willing to share the photo that started it all. Just to tell you ridiculously unattractive photos of our own faces are most common.


And this was the converstaion that followed.

And now you know why we are besties!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Christmas can be anywhere.

I was homesick today. Anytime I was idol my eyes would try to cry, my throat would burn and I would try to stuff the tears and the sobs back down. I was afraid to let it out.

Part of the reason I was so homesick was because its Christmas and we aren't in our house, I don't have my kitchen, my friends or my family. There are things taking place that I would usually be up to my ears in with planning and such but this year I have no tradition, no friend filled house, no warm hot kitchen filled with food to feed those friends and no extended family to love. I miss home. And as much as I have convinced my mind that this is home my heart feels otherwise and my codependant nature is lonely and sad:(

Christmas to me represents so many things and so much excitement and merriment with others that I think I have lost a piece of the promise, a piece of the story I know so well. Being a Sunday School teacher for the past ten years I have told the Christmas story in many ways, unfolding pieces of the package to allow those little cherubs to learn about each person in the story, each promise and all of the hidden meaning in Christmas.

Today as I was driving, trying not to cry, trying to think of anything but the holiday season, I believe that God brought Mary to my mind. I think of Mary often as I think many women do. She is obviously the person of Christmas I can identify with the most. I have been thinking so much how this Christmas was just not going to be the way I wanted and I was also feeling a little bit "poor me", when God reminded me that that first Christmas probably didn't go as Mary would have planned. Nope I wouldn't have ever chosen to become miraculously pregnant to a baby whom a wretched man wanted to kill,to have to explain to my fiance that I had become pregnant through the holy spirit and had actually been faithful and the finally to give birth to her beautiful baby boy in a stinky old stable no less. No, I am sure that Mary would have loved to have been in a bit more control of the situation, starting with the choice to become with child, to be surrounded by family or maybe fellow women to help her bring this baby into the world, feeling supported and loved through her labor. She probably would have much rather been in her home with her comforts and familiar items to her. But God had a bigger calling for Mary. Her calling was to bring Christmas to the world in the form of a baby, Gods own son, Jesus. And that she did.

After thinking this through I realized that I was really thinking about this all wrong and although I am sure that it is completely normal for me to feel homesick during this time, Christmas really isn't about family, or a warm home, or food or cookies or presents. It isn't about me feeling comfortable or busy or needed. Nope, we can have Christmas anywhere where we are because Christmas is about Jesus. About a gift of love and promise. A sacrifice made for me the ultimate gift of an eternal life one in which I have the ability to be forgiven for my sins and my selfishness. And the best thing about it is I can carry this gift anywhere I go, no matter where I live, with or without my family, yummy food or not. And that makes me feel blessed and rich and above all so overwhelmed.

So next time you feel like Christmas just isn't what you wanted it to be. Maybe you got family stuff, maybe you don't have anyone to entertain, maybe you are waiting for something you don't have, maybe you miss someone you lost or you don't have money to buy gifts. Remember Mary with me perspective has a way of helping me sometimes. Nad remember the reason for the season, and forget a bit of the hustle and bustle.

Monday, December 10, 2012

On living with my 80 year old grandmother.

You may not all know but when we moved we moved my 80 yr old grandmother with us. We packed her up put her in a movie van and along she came (okay maybe just her stuff in the moving van).

I have had lots of wow, I couldn't do thats. And lots of...oh how is that working out? Well its working out marvelously. Not only is it a wonderful way to love my grandma, but she provides much help and love in our home and gives me companionship as well. This multi-generational thing is actually quite beautiful and think it is more of a benefit to my little family than anything.

Here are a few of my favorite grandmaisms...

#1 - When the sink was clogged up the first time and I took all the plumbing out from underneath the sink, clean it out and put it all back together...she said well in my day we would have waited for the man of the house to come home and fix it. I replied well in my day you google it figure how to do it and fix it yourself:) Today when the sink backed up again she said Jessie I need you to fix the plumbing....thats my girl!

#2- She can't come downstairs to the laundry room so she calls me "laundry lady" and doesn't complain when I dye her pillowcases blue because I didn't have enough laundry to separate colors. She also tries to encourage me to press my sheets....not going to happen.

#3- When we use her handicap placard to park in disabled parking she least i'm handy for something. Yep she's funny too!

#4- She makes fun of my jeans....telling me that the stitching is placed in a spot that brings to much attention to my back side.

#5- She has 12 batches of cookies baked and ready for teachers this week.

#6- She nudges Grace into her seat every night at dinner just like she did for me when I was a little girl and says....if you're not careful you are going to fall right out of that chair.

#7- She gives me the daily update on the royal baby. Current events are one of her strengths.

#8- She has declared that we all go to the professional tennis matches when they come to town this summer. She just has to go it would be sacriledge for her to miss it.

She is baffled by cell phone technology.

She plays with my kids.


And she hates to eat spinach, parsnips and sweet potatoes but she takes no thank you portions to save face with the kids. I love her for it!

We love her she loves us. She does my dishes when I take the kids to school. She is a blessing to us and I hope we are to her too!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Turning 30

I have recently been noticing 30. First of all don't take this as complaints. This is just noticing, recognition if you will.

First off there are smile wrinkles I think of them as parentheses. Then there are eye wrinkles don't get me started:)

And lastly today I went to the eye dr out of concern for a patch on the white part of my eye and found out I have callouses in my eyeball. Apparently I have extensive sun damage on my yes and need to take preventive measures in order to prevent any further callousing.

I just giggled at the dr and said of course I do.

Brian J├Ąger says I may be an oddity but he loves me anyway......I am his oddity. How charming!

I also found out I am in need of some vision help so I got some contacts and some new hipster glasses.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Sweet Grace!

I love my girl.

Nearly a wordless Wednesday.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

The Good, The Bad and The Worth Praying For

Let start with everybody's favorite....The Good....

First off we obtained a Christmas tree yesterday. WE drove outside of town to a cluster of Christmas Tree farms and purchased a Colorado Blue Spruce, it is a beautiful tree. I happen to love Christmas Tree day. I am also very good at spotting the best tree right away, then we walk the rest of lot and nevertheless always come back to that first tree. It's quick and painless.

This year due to our new living arrangement I was able to get an upgrade in size. Thats right folks my 6 foot tree grew to just under 11 feet and boy am I happy. I love a big tall tree!
Our long standing tradition was changed this year. But that didn't mean we couldn't have a great day and make new memories getting our tree. I live and breath for family time like this. It was I think we miss sometimes with the business and need to's and have to's of life. So I thrive on making it special and letting it be what it is.

So we started our trip off yesterday by going to the Donut Parade. On infamous donut haunt here in Spokane. The best donut I have ever had was there. It was a cake donut which shouldn't' have been called that or maybe has just been redefined for mw at this point, furthermore, with maple icing and a cinnamon crumble on top. Now i have had my share of donuts and this one changed my world.

So we all had our donuts, played 20 questions and took in sometime just being the Jagers. I realize lately that this move has nothing to do with who we are, we are still the Jagers...people who dwell and reflect kindness, a family who loves each other enough that we end up loving others as well in the same way,and lastly a couple who has two sweet little rascals that end of drawing attention to us no matter where we go...unknown maybe invisible I think not . If anything this move has brought out strengths and weakened our weaknesses, there is a patience about us that is not comparable to anything I have ever felt.


Oh and I still love this man where ever we are!

And alas the picture of our tree....its still a Vegas Tree, Its still covered in paste saturated ornaments and preschool faces.

And we have two trees in each atrium that are covered in lights and set on timers to come on together at dark. They are beautiful as well.

In other Christmas news, I have finished my only planned CHristmas gift and it has been sent off with a complete stranger to be quilted:) I am very pleased with my workmanship and surprised at my love for quilting.
This has also been a very lovely project to do with my grandmother who is a pro in this arena.

On friday we invited our neighbors over for a Thanksgiving meal and although they are old enough to be our parents it was oh so nice to have a social interaction in this way. To share our home and to serve others was such a breath of fresh air. It was an enjoyable evening and I hope to do it again.

And now for the bad......There isn't a lot of it. I have a hard time labeling things as such.

Sundays prove to be the hardest days for me. And the empty feeling of sad, mad, and confused starts to creep in on Saturday night. I miss my family, I miss grandparents for my kids, I miss the promise of game night with my homies and I miss the feeling of belonging to something outside of myself. The absence of a church family is something I do not wish upon anyone. And please don't tell me it has only been a month and there is time and I need patience.....blah blah blah. If you have ever moved with your kids to a new city, knowing no one and having no connection, you can tell me what you want other wise its offensive and condescending and yucky so please don't. If you want to be helpful just pray we find some connection....some community. We are lonely...and this is the most foreign feeling for us 4 Jagers.

And lastly lets talk about the worth praying for.

After 4 churches this morning I think we may have found a potential. We attended service and it was reminiscent of churches past for us, it was refreshing with newness and life and although we most obviously din't belong yet, they had community there. And I think we could be a part of it in time. So this is post definitely worth praying for and worth praising God for a piece of light a piece of hope.

They sang the song Beautiful Things by Gungor and once again that song took on a new meaning for me. I love the work=ds to this song it hold so much reminder of hope and what there is to look forward to. It was a reminder that even in this blank slate life I am living right now he has full intention of making it beautiful. He will make something out of it. And so I will wait in that some more.

The sermon was really great there was a great challenge int he message and the service ended in a benediction that wrapped you in a warm hug. I loved it!

And so even in the dark spots right now I am reminded that even in the sunset there is hope of the sunrise in the morning. That each day is one closer to something much bigger and much more lovely then the day at hand. And each day past holds a reminder of God's promise that he has all things in his hands at all times and He is not only a God who loves but a God who has already planned the day ahead and the day behind us.

Peace out Homies......

Thursday, November 29, 2012


Its been an interesting couple days...heck an interesting couple of weeks.

School for the kids has been less then fabulous, I actually used these exact words with Elliot's teacher yesterday.

We have been dealing with mean kids, disorganized practices, and lack of understanding. This is vague I realize....I just don't want to give the impression that this isn't a good school. I think it might be, however I am also beginning to wonder if it is the right place for the Jagers to be.

So yesterday after a frustrating conversation with Elliot's teacher and what I felt was a condescending email from her as well, I let er rip. I prayed hard for the words to say, I prayed hard for guidance and direction and I cried until my eyes were swollen and my stomach felt sick. One thing I have known from the moment I laid eyes on my Elliot was that I would fight for him, I would make sure he had the best I could give him, that I would pray and fight for God's will in his life and I wouldn't let anything or anyone get in the way. You don't get in between me and my cubs it will be ugly and I will win:) So yeah I got a bit fierce yesterday, but I felt the Spirit fill me and I moved forward with God's prompting.

So what does a fierce Mama bear do when she feels as if she is not being heard? She uses her words, it is what I have encouraged my children to do since they were old enough to become frustrated. And I believe it is the greatest avenue for me to get my point across. So I sent out an email claiming my desires for my children, my expectations for others in their regard and my discouragement with recent happenings. I claimed my love for Christ and the need for my children to be able to represent their faith in all that they do. I claimed the need for that in their classrooms and I laid it out flat people because believe me yesterday it took everything in my power to not pull them from this place yesterday and homeschool their little bodies. And as I hit the send button I felt a bit nervous. But I knew with all my being the only way we could try and make this work was for me to share and so I did.

I prayed all day that my words would be received in the way I believed they had been given to me. I pushed forward with faith. And by evening I had my response. A 4 point plan of action to make this situation better. Booyah...GOd delivered and I had my answer. WE were going to give this the old Jager try, with faith and perseverance and hope , trusting that God knows.

So we will see. Jagers are not quitters. We are here to bring light where there is darkness, to serve those who need more than we do, To bring glory to God in all that we do and in that I think we can bring some positive things to this place if we give it a chance. So thats what we will do.

Brian told me last night he loved my fierceness the most. I am not sure that the rest of the world knows what to do with it. I am not sure that this school knows what to do with me yet either, I plan to switch it around;) They won't know what hit them.

Two fist pumps for all the other Mama Bears out there:)

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

My days are different.

Every time I make an appointment around here I am faced with the normal question...what time works for you? It causes me to anytime between the hours of 9 and 3:15 Monday through Friday work for me. The question of what on your list tomorrow holds no weight at this point as tomorrow brings the same as the one before, not a whole lot. I am not complaining as I am an overcommiter....this has been therapeutic. It is just strange how the joyful moments of my day have changed and maybe in some ways for the better.

My joyful moments include picking the kids up from school, dropping them off seems more unnatural then ever at this point and I can't wait to see them in the afternoon. Kissing my husband when he walks in the door after work and asking him how his day was. Making dinner maybe this hasn't changed much but I can spend all afternoon making different elements if I want. Helping my grandma with projects and spending time sewing, and knitting...exploring the city has been more of a blessing then anything having her here. And receiving random phone calls from friends back home, conversations filled with well wishes and info that I am missing out on. I enjoy our evenings together more than I have ever been able to as they are a blank slate to entertain however we see fit. This time is a blessing it has opened my eyes to the things we have been missing.

But I would be lying if I didn't tell you I don't miss my old life. I miss Eagle Boosters, my friends, church, and school. This is a completely new ball game and I have to remind myself at times that there is purpose in it.

I now have a chore schedule to clean all 4400 sq ft of this monstrosity of a home. Carpets on Tuesdays, hard floors on Thursdays, bathrooms on Wednesdays...I really dislike cleaning it is my nemesis so the breakdown really helps. Cooking dinner is my oasis and something to look forward to everyday. The kids were begging for pizza the other day as we have eaten at home for every meal since we got here...I guess my cooking is good but everyone likes a treat now and again:)

Currently I am getting more used to the idea that this life holds great meaning too and my ability to create a nest for my family is very valuable. It is hard though to go from a list of titles from others, to just mom, wife and granddaughter. But God is teaching me...showing me the way a little more each day. And I can see how this blank slate is beneficial for those around me. And hopefully I will see how this benefits me as well over time.

In completely separate news, I received an invitation to a Holiday Celebration thrown by none other than Mr. Jager and his colleagues for their employees. Its pretty swanky apparently.
I am pretty pumped. Not only because I have something to look forward too either. Nope I am a registered dress hoarder...yep thats me. I buy them up cheap and store them away. So I've already got the dress. I scheduled a hair appt...oh yeah I found a salon yesterday and got my hair did:) and so all I am going to splurge on is a pair of shoes because I may be a shoe hoarder as well. And now from the sounds of it I may be becoming a better kept woman than I originally thought. At least I can look the part. My grandma says I need to carry myself as a professionals wife....hahahaha! You can take the girl out of farm country but you can't take the farm out of the girl!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Update from the Eastside.

Over here whenever we introduce ourselves to someone knew the refer to our previous location as the westside. I suppose its accurate. But being a previous resident of the Seattle area the Eastside was Bellevue/Redmond and the Westside was Seattle, so it still takes me by surprise when I hear it.

So enough of the confusion you are looking for an update.

I made a point to take each of the kids on a date last week. It has always been important to me to spend time with them separately on a regular basis. With moving and the general uproar of our lives over the last month we haven't had much opportunity to do so.

So I took Grace to a pottery paint shop in The Riverside Mall downtown.
I am not sure why but she seemed so grown up on this date. She was very collected and careful with her creation. We had great conversation and finished a piece for each other. She made me a jewelry dish and I painted her a piggy bank. We had a dance party in the car on the way back to the house. It was a marvelous evening....I can't wait to do it again!

Elliot and I took a ride on the Gondola overlooking the river that runs through town. It was really fun and super beautiful.
I think his emotions were a mix of terror and awe.

And this may be my new favorite picture of us. Goofy yes...but thats what we are:)

ANd it is in full force snowing now. It has been snowing since Thursday and would say we now have about 4 or 6 inches.

The kids love it. The snow here is so dry they can play in it forever as long as they are bundled up. And may I add they get themselves bundled up this year....winning! WE have come a long way baby!

I have officially declared that Spokane is the coldest place on hasn't been above 32 in a week. And at night it is about 25 or so. The cold moves right through you. I will say it is sure nice that it isn't so wet out on top of it. And of course I must add that I am so grateful that we can enjoy it from the windows of our warm home...I know there are many in this country with cold weather and no power or running water, our prayers remain with those on the east coast. I can't imagine!


In other news I am becoming quite comfortable with the perks of living in Spokane. We have a grocery service that brings us locally sourced seasonal produce and meats as well as other odds and ends once a week.

And on Friday we will start receiving a local farm fresh milk delivery along with butter and eggs from Spokane Family Farm. It didn't take me long to find the local farmers in our community and we are doing our best to support them as much as we can.

While the kids are at school I have been trying to finish Grace's quilt for Christmas. So far I am very happy with how it is turning out. It is supposed to be a scrap style quilt....however I will assure you that doesn't translate to easy as each fabric was chosen specifically and each square overanalyzed to the point of mental breakdown. But it is so very Grace, I would describe at as modern day Punky Brewster...if you don't know who that is we may have trouble being friends!

And just in case you didn't find a giggle anywhere else in this post...this is how Elliot walks around the house in the morning. Eat your heart out ladies. Thats 62lbs of pure lean mean fighting machine:)

Peace Homies~

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

My little cherubs.

The hardest thing about this move has definitely been parenting through it. I mean they don't give you a book that says.....Hey you are moving! Here are the hard fast ways to not screw your kids up.

I will tell you there have been a whole lot of emotions and they present themselves in many different ways....most of them not positive. It is hard to explain to your 9 going on 42 year old son why you would move away form all of your comforts to move somewhere totally new where we know no one and nothing. In fact he thought we had lost our minds. But what I am seeing with that little boy is that doing something like we are doing is completely out of his character, not in his nature....if left to his own devices he wouldn't have made this choice. But i believe through this God has used Brian and I to show Elliot what it means to have faith, what it means to trust and follow God's will and that is something that Elliot will need all of his life. That is something that will not come easy for him, yet God is using me to show him how it works. We had a conversation the other night at nearly 10 o' sleeping was happening...only worry...only doubt (before I go on I should tell you that Satan tries to get to us through our kids, we don't like to say these things out loud as Christians but I think it is important to realize and recognize so we can be prepared...I have seen it and it takes strength to persevere)...he was questioning it all, sure that we would never learn to love our life here. And it was one of those times when I turned my head to the heavens and asked God for the words because I too have had moments of these thoughts. And so that is exactly what I told my son. I took a chance and was humble in front of him, telling him that his father and I have struggled with the same emotions, that we too have had doubt, but in the end I know that God nto only guides but carries us and when we have faith and follow his lead he makes the path straight before us. He asked me directly how I knew how this was God's plan for us? THis was hard because the only thing I could tell him was through prayer and faith God had shown us this was the way.

Teaching faith to our children can seem so ambiguos at times, can't it? It is interesting to explain it out loud because I think it is often something we don't realize we have most of the time. Heck, maybe it is even something that we don't remember to use or have sometimes. For every moment of anxiety and or worry is an opportunity we have to choose faith to choose God. And isn't it amazing when we consciously choose faith how quickly peace overtakes what seems so heavy. Hoever palpating and explaining what faith really is so difficult. So this how I explained it to my little worrier. I was honest, I was humble, and I left the door open for more. I used our won example and told him I was worried too, because I think it is important for our kids to know that we don't always have it all figured out either but we know who does.

So as I dropped them at their new schools this morning I watched them enter their classrooms with confidence, with joy and there didn't seem to be fear. I praised God right then and there.

There is so much to be thankful for, isn't there? I am realizing this more and more each day.

On my drive home today I saw the city for what it is. I saw struggling folks and successful folks, some in suits and some in rags, big tall buildings and broken down shacks and I thanked God for putting us here. With tears in my eyes, and running down my cheeks I prayed He would use each of us to further His kingdom better it in some way. For I know his plan covers all and it has so little to do with little old me. However it does include each of us if we allow Him to use us in ways that He sees fit. So today it may have been a prayer I said for those I saw on the streets and corners as I passed and tomorrow it may be something different, but each way is impactful in its own right, and each fulfills His purpose for me:)

I will come back with pictures of them in front of their school later today....Elliot didn't want to be embarrassed because it isn't technically their first day of school.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

People in Spokane are so dang friendly!

No one witchy lives in Spokane. You heard it hear folks. You come here you get a small town vibe in a giant city. Sorry to say but they have us beat in the PNW. People purposefully look you in the eye and smile here. Young boys bring your groceries to your car without even asking. Clerks and workers make real conversation even if it keeps them from doing there jobs. No one honks their horns. Its reminiscent of Lake Wobegone know Garrison Keillor....where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.

So it is apparent that I am liking this place. Love the people. The town itself however feels kind of reminiscent of Canada, you know how zoning seems non-existent and nothing makes sense, weird traffic signals and such. I do know how to get downtown, to South Hill and to Northtown. I have visited 7 grocery stores all within 6 miles of my house. Honestly I live in Suburbia and it is a bit strange....but I'm dealing.

In other news my kids are coming home tonight around midnight and they sent me this photo.
I can't wait to kiss those little faces.

And lastly Brian talked me into going to Walmart because we were right by one this evening. Yep, still really do not like it there. Pretty sure a tiny piece of me died upon entering that store and if its another 5 or 6 years until I go in again that will be to soon:) And that is all I have to say about that;)

Ta Ta for now!

Friday, November 2, 2012


Today is the kiddos last day of school at Ebenezer. Sadness for all!

We have loved that school and they have loved us back. I remember when we decided to enroll Elliot there I knew that we were doing the right thing. I never worried nor thought that we would ever have a problem there and that has rung true. Ebenezer has been family to us and so they will remain. But I plan to type a post about that later.

Today though I would just ask that you keep my little cherubs in your prayers as they head to school with heavy hearts although I have tried to convince them otherwise. I guess I know how they feel and do not blame them a bit. It is hard to not feel sadness when you have no idea what is around the corner. We already have plans to see some of their friends from Ebenezer throughout the summer so as we know there is no good-bye between true friends!

Tomorrow they come to our new home and I can not wait to kiss their little faces off! IT has been a long week without them but it was the best choice to leave them there. I have been able to get the house all ready and prepared for their arrival and hopefully that will make for a smoother transition.

So thats it for today. Just a plea for prayers for the littles.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Spokanety Kane.

We are here. We are well. We are blessed.

I can tell you now that I know why God had our original housing plans turned upside down, forcing me to choose something else. The house we are in is so me. Lots of windows, clean, straight lines, beautiful but not pretentious, perfect for us.

I have had no choice in the last weeks but to trust and it has provided much reflection for me. Just 6 months ago I remember having a conversation with my friend the farmer about how I needed to learn to trust more, question less and be obedient above all things. It was at that time that I started praying and asking God to teach me how to be more of these things. To put His will for me first and for me to put all of my preconceived notions of what my life "should" look like aside. This is where I tell you if you are bold enough to pray in this way, hold on to your panties (a quote from the farmer) because you may be in for some GREAT change. Not just great in size or uproar but in the fullness of blessings. What has transformed in my life in the last 3 weeks has been so overwhelming but I will tell you time and time again it is what I prayed for it was what I wanted God to show me and boy howdy did he. And he continues, I know there is so much more in store for me here. In fact I lay in bed this morning after Brian left and prayed that God would unfold my purpose here in this new town, in this new home. I vowed to follow what God would lay out, and it is both exciting and terrifying. This move has asked and demanded me to leave everything I have known to be "me" behind. My friends, my home, my jobs, my school, my church, my family....pretty much all of my comforts. I went from having 11 titles to having 3. Child of God, Wife and Mom. I suppose these are my three greatest titles and I can see how part of my new purpose will be much involved in the three of these things.

I find myself looking out the window in the morning praying for this new town and I continue to ask God to show me someone to bless. Give me a job, I pray. And so I wait. I have also vowed to not become over committed. To allow my main focus to be here to help us all to become rooted. But I have seem an opportunity driving back in forth over the last couple of days and I think after awhile I may check it out. I giggled when I saw the sign and I mentioned it to Brian...only time will tell, I will only go with prompting. Because he has taught me what I prayed for, trust and obedience.

My Rah has been with me nearly every second since this began to unfold....however on Saturday she will head back home. Once again she proves to be one of the most loyal friends one could have. It will be hard to see her go.

So I have some pictures of the house to show. Thats what you all want to see anyway right?

This is the front side of the house. It overlooks the entire NE side of the city.


This is my WOW this turned out way better than I thought it would face:)

We got here and realized Elliot didn't really have any furniture, because his last room had built ins. So I refinished this desk for him. I still need to get him a set of shelves, but I am kind of picky when it comes to furniture...good bones are important.
This is what it looked like before.

Everyday the turkeys come through.

Brian took me on a date last night. We went for appetizers and drinks and then he took me ice skating at an outdoor rink. It was one of the most fun dates we have ever been made me feel young:)

And here is a picture of the kids school. They will start on Tuesday. Please pray for them. We sat in one ach of their classes yesterday and it seems like it will be a really good fit. There are some things that they do a bit differently that I think my kids will benefit from. I tried not to be a tiger mom, I only stressed the importance of strong academic achievement two times......

I found this little picture at a store the other day and I thought the words to be very fitting for life right now.

And that about wraps it up for now.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

What an amazing couple of weeks.

I have learned in the last couple of weeks that God's blessings do not always meet where we are most comfortable. Sometimes he asks us to move. This doesn't always mean physically, although it does for us Jagers this time. He has asked us to move out of our comfort, away form our loved ones and on to new territory.

I have run through a whole gamete of emotions this week as we have packed up the last 7 years of our lives living in our little blue house. I have thrown things away, given things away, stowed things away and wished at times I didn't have to do any of these things with our things:) I have struggled with sadness, as I am not sure how one properly says good-bye to a house that has given you so much. I have struggled with being angry that everything has had to happen so quickly and I can't seem to find time to properly enjoy these last couple of weeks here. Fear in what is to come. Excitement for what is to come. Thankfulness in the many blessing we have experienced already in our obedience to trust and follow God in what he has planned for us. Weariness, pain, happiness, joyfulness, gratefulness, and oh yeah Sadness again. I have walked around with a sob in my throat all day. Not wanting to rest in one spot for to long in the fear of it being to comfortable, giving the sob permission to jump from my body and make itself known. Believe me I have let it out a number of times and it is never pretty. I have hugged friends that I know I will see again, hugged some that I am not sure how our paths will possibly cross again and said goodbye to the normal rhythm in which we see each other at all. I have struggled with saying good bye at school almost the most, Ebenezer will always remain a part of our hearts and I will always think of it as a place filled with good people that loved my kids how God intended. In fact in searching for a school I looked for things that reminded me of "us", the word I use to refer to my fellow lemon squeezers. Thankfully I can report that I think I found one that is very close to resembling this happy place.

I know that Gods will is not only with me now but in front of me as we trudge on, He has made it very apparent that we are doing as He has planned. In 10 days time, we found a house, a school, sold a car, found renters for our house, packed up, made two trips to Spokane (soon to be 3) and had 4 going away parties and guess what we are living and well and still breathing after all of it. Each time we have thanked God for going before us and I hope we never stop.

This has not been easy, believe me I have had many moments of struggle with my own self control and emotion. Moments of feeling sorry for myself and being angry at anything that moved. But for the most part I just feel thankful. I feel peace. In fact anytime I am alone I pray, it brings me comfort.

Its the last night the four of us will sleep under this roof together. When we moved in we had a just about 1 year old and a 3 year old. Times were different and lovely in their own right. I can't help but notice how much we all have grown in our first real home. How much we have experienced. And how much we have loved inside this house not only each other but others too. We have allowed it to become our nest, a clubhouse to some and a place that many say feels like home to them. Its where I think I became an adult, I figured out what marriage was and where I fell in love with my job...being a Mom. God used it to heal my heart, yep he used a house, something that is made of wood and walls. We have poured our blood, sweat and tears, oh and cash ...lots of it, into it and we are better for it.

I will miss it here but I can't move forward and stay right where I am. So onward....Spokane it is.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Found it

Heading to Spokane

Going to find us a house today. Or at least a nice alley with prearranged cardboard boxes.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Some funny stuff has been happening around these parts.

Number one- When I reminded the kids last night that my Grandma was moving with us...the first comments were directed towards having her baking skills added to the mix. The next comment from my son was....I hope grandma doesn't snore. Apparently he thought we would be moving into a three bedroom house, like we have now, and that they would have bunk beds together. He was happy to hear that Grandma would have her own room. Some things get lost in translation.

Some things are sweet.

One of Elliot's classmates tapped me on my arm this morning tapped me on the back of the arm and said my mom and I are praying for you. Queue the tears, we are so blessed by our school and my kids have been so blessed by their classmates. It reminded me what a blessing it is to hear that someone is praying for reminded me to tell people that more.

Some things are miraculous.

Every time someone asks what they can pray for I say a renter. As in a renter for our house. And not just any renter...a nice conservative responsible renter. One that will not run over the lovely little cherubs in my neighborhood, or have loud parties or wreck and destroy my beautiful home.
Well last night there was a knock on my door and the fiance of a girl that lives in the apartments next door is relocating and looking for a house. To top it off the rent is the same as he pays now. On Friday we will find out if he is going to take it for sure. Please continue to pray for this.

Some things are the bomb.

I have reports that Lorraine Bajema's fudge sauce does indeed travel over mountain passes:) Winning, Two fist pumps for that!

Tomorrow I travel to find a house with the Rah. The kids are voting for a house with a pool. I am voting for a house with more than one bathroom and closets:)

Monday, October 15, 2012

And its happening.

We Are Moving.

Spocompton, Spokississippi....Spokane will be our new home. It is going to take a bunch more faith and quick work but it will happen.

Not my will but His

As I sit and write I am eating a piece of cold pizza and pondering the thought of needing to be at work in an hour with not much planned to teach and wondering how the heck I ended up with the pizza in my hand. I have spent the morning looking through things. Traffic Lights are there but I find my self looking f=down the road. We pull up at school and the thought of not doing that anymore seems so absurd. I track each step wondering not only how many more times I will be able to experience it again but what my new steps will look like. The wonder is the most terrifying yet exciting thing thing right now. The Bitter and Sweet continue on.

I want to relay that in the last year and a half I have learned what it means to pray for God's will and I feel much different about it now. Praying for God's will means leaving your own aside, it means having the guts to follow where he leads, it means praying for blessings and knowing that God will bless you in the way that works best for His plan for you. It doesn't mean bless me here in my current situation surrounded by all the greatest means stepping out in faith and being obedient to move into Gods created comforts. This is what the Jager's are doing....I have a hard time thinking these next two weeks will not be some of the hardest days yet. I bundled myself into the fetal position on our shoe bench last Sunday afternoon and cried knowing it was last time all of my homies would all be together around the table in my favorite room in my house (the dining room) eating food that I prepared and laughing about things only we would find funny our home has become a is everything I ever prayed for it to be. I say all this though and I can assure you I am so not okay (I think that is important thing to say out loud), yet in the back, in the center of my mind , in the center of my heart I have a never ending peace that is so hard to explain. I know we are moving forward as God intends and that is where the peace comes from. I know after the band aid is completely torn off I will be able to move forth with strength and purpose.

I told my kids last night with complete certainty that we were making decisions for our family that were complete in what we felt God's purpose for us to be in this time, I followed it by telling them that we are each a part of the family so that it means it is the best for each of us separately as well. I am praying that they too can learn about faith through this situation and possibly God would allow me to teach them a bit in it.

But in the mean time...there will be tears, and stomach churning, and denial at times. But I pray we will find time to really be thankful for what we have had and be thankful for what is to come.

Friday, October 12, 2012

We are in Spokane.

At 11am yesterday Brian found out he had an interview to be at in Spokane at 10 an today. Due to happy circumstances of a wedding we are involved in for friends we had to drive to get back in time tonight.

It's been a crazy less than 24 hours. Brian has been up since 4:30am preparing his interview presentation which is fairly intense.

This post will be fairly bare bones u just wanted to get the word out.

We are so thankful to be involved in this next step. We are also exhausted I have been up since 4:30 as well praying for peace and energy for him.

Speaking of praying though I can't tell you how grateful I am for all the people who are praying for us in this situation. I could feel that peace wrap around me last night. And once we were on the road I was able to be calm collective and supportive for our journey. I attempted to count all of the people I know that are praying and I stopped at 35 I know there are many more. I feel blessed and overwhelmed by this realization. Thank you all for the texts and emails, phone calls and has been amazing.

On the topic of amazing blessings we are blessed with great friends. Look what the Rah sent us while on the road yesterday. I just love her.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

701....This is my 701st post.

Number 701 homies.

What better to celebrate than some Random McRandomness.

In case you were wondering Joshy is stil the cutest of the cute and I have attempted to eat with a spoon on more than one occasion.

Elliot was successful in teaching me to play chess but by the look on his face you can probably tell what the outcome of the game was.
He beat me badly twice. So I made the logical choice to challenge him in checkers and beat him 3 times:)

Grace set up a flower stand at my moms and charged us all a dollar for each bouquet. Vases were extra for everyone but my dad. Yeah not sure how he sweet talked her.

Mr. Husband got a new car to hopefully get him to and from the big city a little more safely.
I call it Buddy Brian says it should be called Cooper. A name has not been settled on yet. In other news it is so fun to drive and I am positive that a speeding ticket wil be obtained before the end of the year.

The 2nd and 3rd grade families went on a camping trip together last weekend. It was all sorts of fun. I think we had 20 plus kids.
This is some of the girls. Aren't they adorbs. I braided all of their hair late on in the day. I was in heaven!

Elliot and the boys rebuilt a fort. There were also lots of legos, Risk, bike riding, and the like.

The girls collected rocks, shells and the like to paint back at camp. That provided hours of fun.


We had an amazing time. So much fun with friends. Everyone was so laid back. TI was pretty close to perfect.

And that about sums it up. I am off to teach 45 young minds this morning. We are attempting to learn about digestion. Its been interesting.