Thursday, October 25, 2012

What an amazing couple of weeks.

I have learned in the last couple of weeks that God's blessings do not always meet where we are most comfortable. Sometimes he asks us to move. This doesn't always mean physically, although it does for us Jagers this time. He has asked us to move out of our comfort, away form our loved ones and on to new territory.

I have run through a whole gamete of emotions this week as we have packed up the last 7 years of our lives living in our little blue house. I have thrown things away, given things away, stowed things away and wished at times I didn't have to do any of these things with our things:) I have struggled with sadness, as I am not sure how one properly says good-bye to a house that has given you so much. I have struggled with being angry that everything has had to happen so quickly and I can't seem to find time to properly enjoy these last couple of weeks here. Fear in what is to come. Excitement for what is to come. Thankfulness in the many blessing we have experienced already in our obedience to trust and follow God in what he has planned for us. Weariness, pain, happiness, joyfulness, gratefulness, and oh yeah Sadness again. I have walked around with a sob in my throat all day. Not wanting to rest in one spot for to long in the fear of it being to comfortable, giving the sob permission to jump from my body and make itself known. Believe me I have let it out a number of times and it is never pretty. I have hugged friends that I know I will see again, hugged some that I am not sure how our paths will possibly cross again and said goodbye to the normal rhythm in which we see each other at all. I have struggled with saying good bye at school almost the most, Ebenezer will always remain a part of our hearts and I will always think of it as a place filled with good people that loved my kids how God intended. In fact in searching for a school I looked for things that reminded me of "us", the word I use to refer to my fellow lemon squeezers. Thankfully I can report that I think I found one that is very close to resembling this happy place.

I know that Gods will is not only with me now but in front of me as we trudge on, He has made it very apparent that we are doing as He has planned. In 10 days time, we found a house, a school, sold a car, found renters for our house, packed up, made two trips to Spokane (soon to be 3) and had 4 going away parties and guess what we are living and well and still breathing after all of it. Each time we have thanked God for going before us and I hope we never stop.

This has not been easy, believe me I have had many moments of struggle with my own self control and emotion. Moments of feeling sorry for myself and being angry at anything that moved. But for the most part I just feel thankful. I feel peace. In fact anytime I am alone I pray, it brings me comfort.

Its the last night the four of us will sleep under this roof together. When we moved in we had a just about 1 year old and a 3 year old. Times were different and lovely in their own right. I can't help but notice how much we all have grown in our first real home. How much we have experienced. And how much we have loved inside this house not only each other but others too. We have allowed it to become our nest, a clubhouse to some and a place that many say feels like home to them. Its where I think I became an adult, I figured out what marriage was and where I fell in love with my job...being a Mom. God used it to heal my heart, yep he used a house, something that is made of wood and walls. We have poured our blood, sweat and tears, oh and cash ...lots of it, into it and we are better for it.

I will miss it here but I can't move forward and stay right where I am. So onward....Spokane it is.


Ed / Julie said...

Jessica! I didn't know the moving was happening already! We will miss having Grace at GEMS and I will miss seeing you around. I know God has great plans for you in this new place - you are one of His best witnesses and He will not only grow YOU and your family there, but He will use you to grow His kingdom. Blessings! I'm looking forward to reading about your new adventures in your new home. Hopefully there will be no ripping apart bathrooms in the middle of the night. ;)

Andrea said...

Thinking of you and wishing you well. Can't wait to check your blog for all your new adventures!