Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Inner Happenings

Sunday morning was a wonderful thing. Sometimes you walk in with a chip on your shoulder and leave as light as a cloud. That was how it was for me. We started singing and the set was so amazing. I have felt the spirit move me much lately. In fact it as him he is constantly hovering over my heart, it is overwhelming and comforting all in one. But Sunday morning was different, I could feel it, and then I felt a little tap on my arm. When I looked over my sweet son is looking at me with his eyes full of tears and says to me, "Mom it feels different I don't know why I am crying." Mercy be every word after that was like none I had ever sung. My son was feeling the Holy Spirit for the first time and I was blessed enough to see it. We prayed a prayer with our hands raised and I could here my sons word completely heart felt repeating, Yes Lord.....Yes Father. I'm telling you if you want to bring a mama to her knees that was it.

This feeling of the spirit though is something that at times is all that is getting me through the last couple of weeks. I have had one evening where Brian sent me out of the house, coffee in hand, wearing yoga pants and a t shirt no less in search of solace, I needed to find some peace I was a mess. I have had many of heart felt conversations with Brian about our current situation and the lack of knowledge in it. These conversations are not only sad it is exciting as well to be presented with a new adventure that is possibly all set up for you. We have discussions of blessings and the feeling of gratitude for a God that already knows the plans he has for us. Boy do we have a lot to be thankful for.

I never want anyone to think for a second that I am not incredibly thankful for being presented with the opportunity we have been with Brian's job. It is unbelievable to be able to have your husband be great at his job and love it as well but in addition I have been able to watch others recognize him for his gifts and in turn seen him be incredibly humble in it all it is a beautiful thing. I am thankful for this man. I am thankful for a job that provides and gives fulfillment to my husband. Our blessings are abundant and our troubles are few.

In the last week I have heard 3 different locations mentioned in reference to my life. This has undone me. Each time I take a deep breath in and quickly whisper, God knows.
It is hard this trusting thing, having the faith that you know to be true. Not only talking the talk but walking the walk is a tough pill to swallow. But I am so close to my Father in heaven right now and I am so thankful for the knowledge that I am not in charge of my life and the One who is fully capable.

So Friday Brian had an interview and it went really well, bittersweet. Today he has a big day and if I could ask you to pray for him, I would be forever grateful he could sure use it. He is meeting with a bunch of the heads of his company to present them with an app he created for cell phones pertaining to his current position, he has already had some amazing recognition for this. After that he was invited to another meeting with people who hold titles much bigger than his, he has no idea what it is about or why he was invited his direct boss will not even be there. And then he has an interview with the head of HR....last time the interview was with and HR mignon again we aren't sure why it is this way. Thats three overwhelming meetings in which he has no idea the purpose or the outcome. I am praying for faith, comfort and courage. And although I knew he was nervous this morning, he left our home this morning assuring me that it would all be okay.

The uncertainty is a blessing and a curse at times. But I know with all my heart that GOd's will will prevail and in the end the Jager's will continue on in the same way we always do. As I tell my kids we can walk ahead with our heads lifted high because we serve someone so much greater than this world who lives is our hearts and controls ours lives, protecting and guiding, loving and correcting. Its a beautiful life, this one!


Andrea said...

You write about your feelings so eloquently, Jess. Thanks for posting. Your family was in my prayers last night. May you continue to be blessed.

The Burgharts said...

You made me tear up. I Love how you share your heart. praying...