Thursday, October 28, 2010

I need to write today.......

I have been teaching my sunday school kids about their light lately. It is something that has been on my mind personally and whenever I feel like God is resting something on me I try to let trickle into every corner of life to in way I guess try the certain theme or idea on for size. Sort of like when you buy a new sweater that you are not sure fits quite right, you know the one that you don't even really wear for awhile you simply try it on and place it back on the shelf waiting for when it feels right (ok this might just be me). Anyway that is kind of what this idea has been like trying it on taking it off trying it on taking it off again and finally it fits it feels like a sweater I have had for years you know the one with a hole that you try to creatively hide because it is so comfortable in your opinion the tiny hole or snag only makes it better. Not sure where the reference of the sweater keeps coming from but its workin' for me(must be fall).

Anyway, with this specific theme I wanted to know so badly why it was pressing tighter and tighter, so every time I teach we sing the famous tune, this little light of mine and I talk to the kids about their light, What their light looks like, what it feels like, how we can use it to glorify God. I am not sure how much of it they have caught but sometimes you are teaching for the future. Sometimes you have to teach and hope their is nugget of truth that sticks for later down the road. And all I know is that God is using it.

You see not coming from a Christian background with strong Christian School roots all I have learned about the Bible and God has come in the last 15 years really. I learned a bit in Awana as a kid and I knew John 3:16 frontwards and back before I even knew what it really meant. But most of my walk has been real, has been more out of need than tradition, more out of surviving than existing and I am finally really coming to appreciate that. I remember being terrified to start teaching Sunday school 7 years ago because I thought these kids know this stuff better than me. But now I know that to be true in most all areas having two of my own kids. And what I know more now is that God uses everything He has given me, not everything he has given everyone else. My walk is not just personal to me it is personal to Him because it was what He created! That being said I can tell you the rest of this story.

Well I think my lessons of light have finally spoke to me as well. I think God was not so much trying to show me what my light was or what brings it to full capacity. Although I did learn about that too. I think he was trying to show me more what gets in the way of it shining as brightly as it can. I think that while God is busy clothing you with blessings Satan is trying to tell you that you need another sweater. That you don't have enough that you need more. I think I have struggled with that lately in my business actually I know this. I know while God was blessing me with the light only He can supply when I am elbow deep in butter in flour, Satan was busy trying to tell me well if you would do A or B this could be bigger, money could be more, your name would be spread, your blessings will be multiplied. And I can tell you that this wanting these desires, were not of God and they were starting to dim my light. The stress and anxiety that came with these thoughts and ideas and "dreams" was suffocating me.

So after much prayer and soul searching I realized what this journey of "light" was all about. It was about being content, about realization, about thankfulness and living in the moment. As soon as I dropped the idea it was as if 50,000 pounds were lifted from my shoulders and a wonderful person reminded me that was the feeling that only God can give PEACE.

My light shines in doing for others not doing for myself. And in doing for others I can serve God and Acts of Service is where my light lies, where it shines really.

And so I realize we really all are Children of God and that never really doesn't ever stopping being true. And that is why I love that when I am teaching all of those cute little faces on Sunday mornings God sneaks some lessons in for me as well. He is not into Waste Management is what Beth Moore says and i think she is right!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Family, Friends and Fall

We had a fabulous day yesterday! It was filled with the three F's Family, Friends and Fall. The 4th F would be feathers I suppose but we will get to that later. I couldn't help but feel fall in the air yesterday, the crisp coolness of the air is truly dreamy to me. The colors and the smells and overall freshness that Fall brings is quite intoxicating at times.

The morning started with a family breakfast. I didn't take any pictures but I can assure you that I have the cutest niece and nephew and kids in the world......

Next up was the pumpkin patch and guess who we brought along for the first time......

Our Daddy-Man!

Its tradition for everyone to pick their own pumpkin the only rule being you have to put it in the wagon yourself. Elliot is always determined to find the biggest one he can possibly lift and this year his weighed 26lbs.

I also think this is the first year Grace didn't pick a green pumpkin.

The next part of our day was equally fun. My friend Lea invited our little family over to butcher some roosters and hens that were ready to pass on:)

There is alot involved in the process and I was so happy she asked me to come and be part of the day. I have been very interested in sustainable and organic living over the last couple of years and in knowing that she graciously offered to teach me how to do this.

This is a freshly captured rooster. You hang them upside down to calm them before...well you know.

After some examination we discovered that this particular rooster was a "keeper" so we released him to live another day on the chicken farm and went back for one of his brothers.

Lea told me to wave to the camera. This is the finished product after plucking, de-gutting and cleaning.

I must say I made soup out of them today and it was the most beautiful, velvety stock I have ever had. Thanks so much Lea and family for inviting us over. The hot-dogs and PB smores were a perfect end to the day!! Can't wait for more chicken adventures.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Where I have been and where I am going to be...

I haven't been blogging much....this I know. I guess I just lost some of my gusto over the last couple of weeks. My mind is full, my plate is full, my house is full, my heart is HEAVY. I have had many decisions to make and I can tell you honestly I haven't wanted to make them because of one very big thing. This past few months have been full of blessings and honestly I have not forgotten where those blessings come from for one moment. I know in my heart that Gods name is signed on the top and bottom of each page in my life and I never forget to be thankful for that but I have forgotten that there is more to my walk then thankfulness. However I have allowed myself to became consumed with the blessings of life instead of being consumed by the blesser of it.

I am on a 5 day stretch of a somewhat "vacation." Not a planned vacation but a much needed lull in the food industry. Don't worry it will all pick up again on Friday and stay for some time after that. The vacation however has been nice. Monday was nothing less than a picture of what heaven is in my daily life. I had the whole day to love my kids, indulge them in playdates, clean my house, bake, cook a beautiful dinner, not only wash some laundry but fold it as well (huge), relax and reflect on what this life is. I can not in full detail explain the decisions I have on my plate right now but I will tell you in a recent conversation with my husband I confided in him in saying I can not possibly make this decision until God speaks to me about it. You see I have been talking with God about this situation for the last 4 months, and I have not heard his voice once. Not even once. And I have been perplexed because I can assure you it is not because He did not give me the opportunity in the first place. This has made me realize there is some distance between Him and I and it has been a painful distance for me because I have been truly convinced that something I have done has made me unworthy of the sound of His voice. Now before I get 20 emails telling me otherwise, I know better, I truly do.

So back to Monday.....I had this day of "rest." I reveled in it, I basked in it, I enjoyed every moment of it, it was the best day I have had in awhile and I thanked God continuously for it all day long. But when I went to bed that night all I could think about was this distance. And I started talking to God, I starting pleading to Him to speak to me and telling Him I was just waiting for Him to "lead me" and then for the first time in long while I felt His presence and almost immediately I realized he was waiting for me to be consumed with Him. To need Him, to give him my time wholeheartedly, to really plead for Him. The strange thing is I never felt as if He left me because He didn't. I think He was just waiting for me to miss His companionship, His Voice. Oh and how I cried when the reality hit me that it was me in the way of Him.

This morning I sat down with my Bible for 2 hours. I must ashamedly say it has been months since I have given myself the time to sit down with my Bible. Months since I have given Him a chance to speak to me. And I reveled in it, basked in it, and enjoyed every moment of it, it was the best morning I have had in a long while. And as I sat in the sunshinyness of my dining room feeling the warmth of His sun on my back I remembered so vividly what His voice sounds like and I never want to be without it again.

So now you know where I have been and where I am going to be....with Him!