I would be lying if I didn't tell you that my silence lately on here is do to overwhelming anxiety of choices that are needing to be made and not by me. Whenever I feel as if I can't be 100% honest on here it paralyzes my voice.
Grandma and Grandpa VP gave me a copy of Jesus Calling for my birthday. I read this mornings and then was drawn to the next page just by the Title. Relax and Let Me Lead You-through this day.
Anxiety has been an overwhelming theme these last couple of weeks. It has overrode my initial reactions to situations, I have allowed it to rob me of my joy at times and it has more then definitely robbed me of most of my sleep. The sleep part has been taking a toll. I have learned that while laying a wake I can run through my blessings and thank God for each one, it is amazing how many you can come up with when faced with hours in which to do it with:) I can say in the last three weeks I have felt so close to God just waiting for his will to unfold. I know he is teaching me though this. He is teaching me to wait....I stink at being patient....always have and he has been showing me I have no other choice right now. And so I wait. And so WE wait I suppose.
I can not help though feeling as if life is in limbo a bit. In a number of weeks my life could change dramatically at a time of the year when being able to know what to expect should be set in place. However, I have been trying to remind myself that all of the important things will stay the same no matter what happens and that doesn't always come with knowing what will happen next. And the decision we have been faced with is none other than an amazing opportunity. I am just not sure I have been faced with an opportunity of this magnitude in a time of such contentedness. I am not sure exactly how to react to it all. In obedience God makes life so smooth sometimes you are almost afraid to let go completely as if you do you may then experience great change. The Jagers decided to let go a few months back and as soon as that happened I started to feel a churning of being on the brink of a new chapter. I started praying over the churning. And it is interesting how things happen...how the churning turned into wonder and questions and opportunity. How the churning meant the chance to experience new blessings.
And so it goes. I may remain quiet still for awhile. Once I know what this all means you will know. And maybe the change won't happen and it will all be wrapped into a time of great growth in my trust and patience in what GOd's will is for me and mine.
This is what the rest of the passage said in case you are wondering.
Relax and Let Me Lead You through this day I have everything under control: My control. You tend to peer anxiously into the day that is before you, trying to figure out what to do and when. Meanwhile, the phone or the doorbell rings, and you have to reshuffle your plans. All that planning ties you up in knots and distracts you form Me. Attentiveness to Me is not only for your quiet time, but for all your time. As you look to Me, I show you what to do now and next.
Vast quantities of time and energy are wasted in obsessive planning. When you let ME direct your steps, your are set free to enjoy Me and to find what I have prepared for you this day.
Jesus Calling July 26...
The now for me is simply wait and the next is for Him to determine and for me to abide. And that I will do. It is harder than it sounds I would say I am following this about 70% of the time at best. I am working at it though. And I known in the end no matter what the outcome I will walk away feeling blessed to have a God that loves me, cares for me and most importantly has a plan even when I don't know what it is. He already knows how it will all work out and no amount of my worry will change that.