Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Relax and Let Me Lead You.

This would be a good theme for me to live by.

I would be lying if I didn't tell you that my silence lately on here is do to overwhelming anxiety of choices that are needing to be made and not by me. Whenever I feel as if I can't be 100% honest on here it paralyzes my voice.

Grandma and Grandpa VP gave me a copy of Jesus Calling for my birthday. I read this mornings and then was drawn to the next page just by the Title. Relax and Let Me Lead You-through this day.

Anxiety has been an overwhelming theme these last couple of weeks. It has overrode my initial reactions to situations, I have allowed it to rob me of my joy at times and it has more then definitely robbed me of most of my sleep. The sleep part has been taking a toll. I have learned that while laying a wake I can run through my blessings and thank God for each one, it is amazing how many you can come up with when faced with hours in which to do it with:) I can say in the last three weeks I have felt so close to God just waiting for his will to unfold. I know he is teaching me though this. He is teaching me to wait....I stink at being patient....always have and he has been showing me I have no other choice right now. And so I wait. And so WE wait I suppose.

I can not help though feeling as if life is in limbo a bit. In a number of weeks my life could change dramatically at a time of the year when being able to know what to expect should be set in place. However, I have been trying to remind myself that all of the important things will stay the same no matter what happens and that doesn't always come with knowing what will happen next. And the decision we have been faced with is none other than an amazing opportunity. I am just not sure I have been faced with an opportunity of this magnitude in a time of such contentedness. I am not sure exactly how to react to it all. In obedience God makes life so smooth sometimes you are almost afraid to let go completely as if you do you may then experience great change. The Jagers decided to let go a few months back and as soon as that happened I started to feel a churning of being on the brink of a new chapter. I started praying over the churning. And it is interesting how things the churning turned into wonder and questions and opportunity. How the churning meant the chance to experience new blessings.

And so it goes. I may remain quiet still for awhile. Once I know what this all means you will know. And maybe the change won't happen and it will all be wrapped into a time of great growth in my trust and patience in what GOd's will is for me and mine.

This is what the rest of the passage said in case you are wondering.

Relax and Let Me Lead You through this day I have everything under control: My control. You tend to peer anxiously into the day that is before you, trying to figure out what to do and when. Meanwhile, the phone or the doorbell rings, and you have to reshuffle your plans. All that planning ties you up in knots and distracts you form Me. Attentiveness to Me is not only for your quiet time, but for all your time. As you look to Me, I show you what to do now and next.

Vast quantities of time and energy are wasted in obsessive planning. When you let ME direct your steps, your are set free to enjoy Me and to find what I have prepared for you this day.

Jesus Calling July 26...

The now for me is simply wait and the next is for Him to determine and for me to abide. And that I will do. It is harder than it sounds I would say I am following this about 70% of the time at best. I am working at it though. And I known in the end no matter what the outcome I will walk away feeling blessed to have a God that loves me, cares for me and most importantly has a plan even when I don't know what it is. He already knows how it will all work out and no amount of my worry will change that.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Happy Birthday To Me.

30 today.....yep I'm 30 today.

I had an amazing birthday dinner with my friends and family up at my parents on Saturday. Brian organized the whole thing with my favorite meal of salmon and oysters and clams with salads and cheesy garlic bread. My sister and my mom rocked the kitchen filled it with food and decorated the heck out of the place. My MIL set out the most wonderful sundae bar you ever did see, Edaleen ice cream, with twinkies, chocolate covered doughnut, oreos, berries, chocolate sauce and the like and of course whip cream out of the can, it was real goood...double fist pump good. May it also be noted the Josher stole all of the twinkies out of my sundae and made guttural noises of complete joy while eating.

So I want to say one more time of the interwebs.THANK YOU. My family is the best.

Let be known also that I love this man with every 30 year fiber of my being. He is the ultimate companion in every way.

One of the things you may know about me is that am the biggest sentimental sap in the world. I love tradition, family, old stuff, brand new babies and the like. In saying this over the years my grandmothers have been so loving to pass pieces of jewelry and the like to me and my sister and I hold them very close to my heart. They are the best because they are classic and go with anything the quality is usually different than anything you can purchase now, yet the overriding factor is that usually they are items that they have had for decades and I can remember them wearing them, I can remember each of them each time a wear a piece. I can remember being a little girl and sitting on my Grandma's bed surrounded by her jewelry boxes and being allowed to try each one on. I have always wanted to have a certain piece of my own for as long as I could remember...this may all seem very materialistic to you I assure its not about having, its about sharing, its about passing on, its sentimental.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted a pearl necklace. Not just any pearl necklace I had a specific one in mind. And about 10 years ago I told Brian when I get old and he needs to get me something really special I would love a pearl necklace in which I described to him in depth.

Well you can probably guess what I got for my birthday and its not because I'm old he has assured me it is because 30 happens once and he loves me.
It's exactly how I had envisioned.
I feel spoiled.

Finally my thoughts on turning older.

I have said it before and I will say it again, I love the idea of growing older. I love wrinkles, I love experiencing life, I love this life....its all pretty great.

I felt like kind of a freak this year in turning 30 and not caring, everyone says its horrible and blah blah blah.

Heres how I feel about saying goodbye to my 20's.

The 20's comprised the greatest 10 years of my life. I learned who I was and wanted to be. I proved lies that I had believed, to be wrong. I set goals and met them. I found my calling, started a business and have been blessed by it. I had two babies and they are not only healthy but happy. I married the love of my life and he continues to be just that. My 20's were exactly what I wanted them to be and in that I feel content to move on. Don't get me wrong there were plenty of hard times, even bad times,times of loss and great sorrow, disappointment and tiny bit of what some would refer to as failure but the blessings that have been bestowed upon me overshadow all of that. I am a firm believer that life can be what you want to be if you hold on tight and allow God to show the way. Contentment is the key to true happiness in this life. Receiving blessings and loving them and cherishing them, rather then wanting more just waiting for whatever God wants to serve up next has been a strong theme in the last 10 years. Its when I want for more than what I have at the moment or allow myself to be drug down by outside influences when things get grey.

So 30 ain't got nothing on. My God is so much bigger than a number. And old doesn't have to be a negative thing, it just mean more life.


Monday, July 16, 2012

We are home....

We are home, We are home....

We had a great vacation and I am thankful we had the time to take away. I will finish blogging about it soon.

I had decided a few weeks ago I needed to take some time off from things in general. I was tired beyond belief, drained and just felt heavy. So I quit my exercise routine, took some time off of Sunday School and went to bed before ten most nights and boy has it felt good. The last six months of being Jagers has been overwhelming at times. Overwhelmed with blessing and opportunity mostly, yet still overwhelming. Sometimes possibility alone can make you crazy and I would be lying to say that I haven't felt a little crazy from it all. So I am on a self given sabbatical of sorts and I think it was a fair choice. My jeans are a little tight and I haven't done my hair or make up as much but its not due to laziness I just needed a moment to not care about things that really aren't that important. And I can feel myself changing a bit with it all and it is good.

So I am taking some time. Not answering emails as quickly and not answering my phone as much. Just cutting off a bit. And it is freeing and relaxing.

This all being said I am turning 30 next Monday the 23rd. Yep 30 and I feel pretty great about it. But I'll save those reflections for another post.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Another beautiful day in the redwoods.

Spent the day meandering through the trails of the redwoods. It would be hard to say that these forests aren't incredibly breathtaking. The enormity of the trees is mind boggling. And their ability to survive is inspiring.

We also took a trip to the eternal forest where a small group of people I habit homes made out of trees some about 20 ft in diameter.

We finished the day with a trip back to the eel riverside although in a different location this time we took about a mile hike or more through the forest the the river where we encountered a banana slug:). The river was quite shallow and warms and there were a ton of baby trout swimming around our feet. It was truly beautiful and hard to remember that we were on the river. Elliot spent much of his time skipping rocks and Grace found some sand which made her very happy.

We enjoyed foil dinners in the evening which is always a highlight.

It was yet another day of enjoying each others company and this beautiful world.

Grace prayed for dinner last night and thanked God for family vacation and a mom and dad. I couldn't help but smile in thankfulness as well this has been a trip of many memories:)

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Walking through the redwoods and the eel river

Yesterday morning I woke up violently ill. It took me a better part of the morning to feel better. This don't stop us from having fun though:). And I must add no one else got sick so that's pretty great:)

We Started the morning with a nature hike followed by jr. Rangers. Grace has become quite fond of this particular ranger as she is a girl and has a natural liking for kids. It was interesting she could really pull Grace out of her shell.

It was really warm yesterday so we took advantage and spent a chunk of time lazing by the river which was actually quite warm. And it was double nice to be out of our jeans and sweatshirts that have become our uniform for the trip:)
Later in the day we drove our car through a giant tree in Myers Flat and explored some two store treehouses made out of old tree stumps. Elliot saw a six foot long chainsaw blade and was quite impressed.

For dinner we indulged in chili in a fritz chip bag. Surprisingly it was a crowd pleaser and I think it will becoming a camping must have for future trips.

Our kids have stolen the funny papers that lines the cabinets of our trailer and have been reading them constantly. Who would of thought they could provide so much entertainment.

Tomorrow we will head back to Oregon and although the redwoods have been nice Oregon has been our favorite. So off to the dunes we will go.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Driving to the redwoods.

Yesterday was another driving day. We headed from humbug mt. to humboldt county CA to the campground referred as hidden spring along the avenue of the redwoods. The trip was to take about 4 hours but as we have come to learn it usually takes a bit longer to get from a to b on the open road. So it took about 6 hours to get to our newest address.

We finished the evening with a ranger led campfire program complete with trivia on the park and a bit of silly singing.

I have come to love road trippin. It's whole bunches of fun. The kids continue to be good sports. Yesterday we may have gotten lost and I like to start up a game of "next person who sees something awesome gets a high five.". It passes the time and everyone's version of awesome is something different:)

Today when we were on a ranger tour though the forest Grace turned around declared,"I need a high five.". Turned out she did as we saw a giant redwood that had been was awesome:)

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Battle Rock

What a fun day. We traveled into town-port orford- to is it a tiny farmers market, do some more beach combing and explore a bit more. The Kids built a bridge and grace and I built a sand city with a rocky road.

In the evening we went for a beach hike with the ranger and learned about the food chain in the ocean. We like to learn I have found we are big nerds.

The kids also went to junior rangers and got their gold badges. They have so much fun with that.

We finished the evening with games at the table inside... Lots of giggling and joshin around.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Beach day.

Yesterday we spent the day exploring the beach. There's a beach a short walk from our campground we call it Humbug beach. It was a lot of fun to run around and play in the sand. However the waves here are not to e messed with or frolicked in sneaker waves are a big threat so we played I the surf if it came way up and watched the harbor seals bob in the waves. Grace ran around with her arms spread wide like an eagle she was in her own world dancing and singing and occasionally rolling in the sand. It was like a scene from the sound of music. The beach is her heartbeat:)

We spent the afternoon riding bikes- Elliot had a huge wipeout - and lazing around reading books painting nails and playing games.

The camp host is staying next to us an turned us in to a local beach called agate beach where you can find to a of just that agates. This was so fun and much like a treasure hunt. Elliot loved the challenge and found much joy in this activity with comments of, " isn't this fun mom.". This is always a sign of happiness with my kids.

The kids have also enjoyed being a part of the junior ranger program - something my siblings and I did as kids when we were young- and are working very hard at earning their badges which they should receive tomorrow. The park also has evening programs where the teach about subjects pertaining to the area. Last night was how to tell the difference between a harbor seal, elephant seal, California sea lion and a stellar sea lion, we all found it very interesting.

I am constantly reminded how important our summer vacations are.. It is so nice to be away from it all. And the fun of exploring together and seeing new things is invaluable.