Its Tough Being A Woman Who Feels Responsible For The "How."

Haven't been writing much about my Bible Study lately, and believe me its not because I am not learning a lot. I am continually learning, I am continually standing in amazement as God walks me through it, and I am continually brought to my knees to pray for my needs, desires, shortcomings, and friends.

The most recent video was very good, however it was a very academic lesson. I found myself feeling like a student again. The student part is rougher than it used to be because I don't get near enough sleep to support a studious mind:) The last five minutes were my favorite though, her point was, it is tough being a woman who feels responsible for the "how." Wow!!! I don't know about you but I am often wrapped up in the "how" .... how are we going to get everything on the schedule finished, how am I going to make something for dinner that everyone will eat, how are we going to pay all of the bills, how am I going to find time to work, take care of my family, make time for my friends and pray all at the same time? How am I going to make sure that all of this is Gods will, and so on and so forth. I am exhausted with the "how." But Beth reminded me that I need not worry about the "how." If I let God he will handle it, he will set my path straight and pull me through if I need him to:) I just need to rest on this, on Him really.

I haven't written in a week or more and there is reason for this. I am discouraged!! And normally that would make me write more and use this blog as an outlet, but for some reason i haven't been able to. I feel broken, a bit battered and a lot weary. It seems every corner I turn I am met with defeat and I am not so sure why.? But the defeat seems to be following me:( The nutty thing is I am in my Bible so much it is actually even under my pillow when I sleep. I can't seem to get enough right now, yet I still feel heavy. There is much "how" I can do nothing about right now and although I know I need to let it go the inability to fix the "how" is very much the root of the problem. So prayer seems to also be a constant friend of mine.

I have been focusing on a few verses lately and they do help. The first is one that was in our Bible Study last week...

Psalm 18:16-19 16-He reached down from on high and took hold of me, he drew me out of deep waters. 17-He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were strong for me. 18- They confronted me in the day of disaster, but the Lord was my support. 19- He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Philippians 3:4-7 Romans 8:37-39


In addition, my devotion a couple of days ago was about when God allows Lions to come into your life. It talked about how God allows the Lions to come in for a reason , and to try and look at them as an opportunity in disguise. So that is what I am praying for, an understanding that God is most definitely at work here and he will handle the "hows" for me. I am so blessed by His love and His care for me, although I have all of these feelings I also feel His hand upon me.

Food For Thought

I have been thinking a lot about food lately but probably not in the way you would assume. Recently I have been doing a lot of reading and studying the topic of food. Sustainable Living and Organic and Local Food Sources have been the categories I have stuck to. In doing this I have come to learn a lot about where our food actually comes from and how it gets into our fridges and onto our plates. This has left me wondering about how I should be feeding my family.

About 4 years ago when we moved into our house I stopped cooking anything out of boxes. With the exception of the occasional box of mac and cheese, most everything else is homemade with fresh ingredients as often as possible. I have felt very good about this choice and have earned myself ranking as the most boring lunch packing mom(however his teacher wants to eat his lunches:).

So I guess in saying all of this I have been wanting to fast on efforts to really learn what God has to say about how I should feed the four of us. The fast I have chosen is the Daniel Fast. It is a vegan fast that lasts 21 days. You cut out all meat, dairy, artificial sweeteners, alcohol, and caffeine/herbal tea. Basically this leaves you with fruits, vegetables, whole grains, olive oil, and water. You also leave out all leavening agents. The only fluid you drink is water however you can have smoothies because that is considered a meal supplement.

I will be studying the book of Daniel as well as a devotional that I have picked up and put down many of times (Streams in the Desert).

I am not doing this alone though BJ has agreed to do it with me in an effort to be supportive. He has been looking over the same materials as I so we are on the same page.

And don't worry we won't be going vegan forever, I strongly believe there is a a large place for meat in our diets as well as occasional sweets and treats:)

If you would like to read more about what we are doing or if you are interested in joining us in the fast check out this website.


I will keep you updated.

And P.S. its ok if you think we are hippies or extremists my brother does;)

My Morning and My Week

Not so much seeing another time that I will be able to blog this week, however you never know with me. Busy week ahead yesterday I made lasagna hot lunch for the school kids to have today, that is ten pans of lasagna people, I also made and delivered another meal to some others. Today tomorrow and Friday will be spent preparing for the auction dinner on Friday night. On the menu is pulled pork and yummy salads for 250 should be a blast:) In other breaking news the Jagers ordered new siding yesterday and it will be delivered on Tuesday. Please pray for nice weather over the next few weeks so that we can install it.

On this mornings news we had a child very excited for his 100th day of school tomorrow. Each child will bring a collection of 100 somethings. Elliot of course brought legos and after spilling them all over the floor right before we walked out the door we had successfully counted to 100 twice:) On the flip side of the coin Grace was not satisfied with her outfit and then decided that the letter "L" was not exciting enough for show and tell so the above picture is of her fabulous attitude this morning:) I love this peanut but really we have got to make friends with pants so that we can all survive!

Well that about catches you up on the happenings around here. I did pick a paint color too for the outside of the house but I will surprise you with that later(I know you are all sitting on the edges of your seats now;).

Will You Be My Valentine?

Here is a picture of my valentine. He loves me more than I ever been loved before. He loves things about me that I find hard to love about myself.

A couple of months ago I was in the middle of evening mayhem, you know it hits most of us moms around 4:45 right on the edge of dinnertime. The kids are hungry and usually a bit cranky, you husbands not quite home yet and you are running around trying to get dinner on the table while at the same time trying to peel a four year old of your leg so you can move and pacify and older child that is annoyed by the younger that is screaming. Whats that you haven't experienced this?:) This is almost nightly around here. Well for a moment this thought entered my brain....If I knew it was going to be like this would I do it all over again. And as quickly as the thought entered in my brain the response of yes and a big smile spread over my face. It is in these crazy moments that I feel like laughing and crying at the same time. My problems are the blessings that some wish that they had. So I try to think f them as blessings as well. About 5 minutes after this my husband walks through the door my children ran to him and clung to his legs and I was free to go on with my business.

I love that I have a husband that walks through the door happy to see his family in the evenings. This past few months has been a great reminder of how blessed I really am to have this love in my life.

I am sure when we got married many thought we were crazy(because we were), young(because we were), and maybe clueless(because we were). But I wouldn't change any part of our past because it is what has formed us and molded us together. I didn't know 8 years ago that this is what marriage would be like, that this is what having a family would be like, and what it would feel like to have a person I can share every stress and fear and joy with. I had know idea how close we would become.

But I do know that I thank God everyday for a second chance to love this man and to have him love me.

So BJ will you be my Valentine for another year???? Will ya?

We Have a Mouse Problem:)

Not really a problem I guess if you like to eat chocolate:) Don't they look cute in the bag. All of there beadie little eyes looking at you?

If you want the tutorial on how to make these I will put it on here.

His Ladybug

I heart Valentines Day! No, I really, really love Valentines Day. It marks many things for me. I met BJ my Sophomore year in High School at a Valentines Day Dance. I will never forget the silly puppy love butterflies I felt when I met him it still makes me blush. I also got engaged right before Valentines Day. I love cupcakes for school and cards for classmates. I love chocolate hearts, oh how I love chocolate hearts:)

However this year I have been thinking a lot about my grandmas Valentines Day. My grandparents would have celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary just 4 days after he passed away this fall. My Grandma actually referred to my Grandpa as a total putz for not holding on for a few more days(if you knew my grandpa you would know this would have made him laugh). They had the greatest love and the strongest connection. They went everywhere together. Every year my Grandpa would get her some pretty smelling lotion or a little figurine for her curio cabinet or a plate for her wall. But the thing I remember most is that he always called her ladybug. Even as a little girl I remember him coming home from work putting down his olive green thermos, planting a gentle kiss on her lips and saying Hows my ladybug? I knew he held her at the top of his list. I knew he loved more than anything else in the world and I know this is what she misses most. The companionship. I pray for this type of companionship in my own marriage and I am glad I had such a fabulous example.

So in saying this I know that even though Valentines Day is just a day in the grand scheme of things, it will be hard for her this year.

So this Valentines Day I am offering up all my extra prayers in her direction.

I know I talk about this a lot I don't mean it to be depressing. My Grandma is really doing so great. I was reading that month 4 and 5 are the hardest when grieving because life goes back to normal and people forget that your heart hurts.

Every Kid Has A Cupcake, Every Cupcake Has A Kid

I made cupcakes tonight for Elliots class to have tomorrow. I decided to make each kid a cupcake with their initials on it. I mean who doesn't want a cupcake that is their very own? Each and everyone is different even though two of the girls have the same initials. I think they turned out pretty cute.

I love getting to do this sort of stuff. However this is as far as my creative juices flow. I am going to try and make Hershey Kiss Mice this year (stay tuned for pics).

Oh and by the way, do you think this is the last year I can send a Valentine for Elliot in his lunch? My guess is yes:(

That Grace

Noticed I hadn't blogged about the Gracer Girl in awhile. Yesterday she gave me a blog worthy story.

She had a dental check- up yesterday (we go to Dr. Kimberley and Galbraith they rock). The first thing the dentist asked was if she had any questions about her teeth.

Here is how that conversation went:

Dr. Galbraith- Grace do you have any questions about your teeth?
Grace- Yes, sometimes my teeth get cold when I am in my bed at night?
Dr. Galbraith- Well how does this happen?
Grace- I don't know you asked me? (Insert me giggling here)
Dr. Galbraith- Well I guess your right. (insert long pause here)
Dr. Galbraith- Well maybe we should get them a blanket.?
Grace- Thats a great idea, maybe you should make me one:)

If you ask Grace a question be prepared for an off the wall answer because not having one at all is not an option for her.

On another note she is having her Valentines Day party at preschool today and she has had her outfit picked out for a week. Believe me I know I have created a monster:) Shes a cute monster though! Oh and a big shout out to the Vintage Dutch Girl for her beautiful flower headbands....aren't they adorable.? She sells them in her etsy shop you can find the link here www.vintagedutchgirl.blogspot.com.


P.S. That is some of the new paint behind Grace and no the trim is till not finished but I plan on starting on it this evening.

Dear Beloved Green Paint,

Dear Beloved Green Paint,

I know this is coming as a shock. I know you didn't expect our relationship to end like this. When we first met I never pictured breaking up with you this soon.

But that's the breaks. You see we are in the middle of a remodel and after falling in love with my new kitchen flooring it has expressed some concern with the shade of your attitude. It really longs for someone more blue and someone less...well lets just say someone less green. And by the way you can take your mustardy gold friends with you they aren't working out anymore either.

Its been a good ride and one I won't forget. You were my very first paint color choice after my long run of boring rental white walls.

Sincerely Your Loving Happy Home Owner-
Jessica

And to the rest of you reading this, I know it must seem like we can't experience enough discombobulation. However, I really am an all or nothing girl. Half finished projects drive me nuts. So we are painting on hopefully I will have some fresh pictures soon that display more order and peace:)

Jesus doesn't care....why would I?

So I set out to do a good deed with my child last night. I set out to teach him something about being a good friend, a good person, and a good classmate. I set out to teach him something. And do you know what happened? First off he already knew what I was trying to teach him. And secondly he ended up showing me what it means to follow Jesus.

Elliot has a classmate that just recently had to get glasses. Well I didn't realize that you can already be teased for such things in first grade but apparently you can. So his little buddy has been having a rough time of it at school. After experiencing the situation first hand and then talking to the little boys mom I thought I should probably talk to Elliot about it. I didn't think he was part of the problem, however I wanted to make sure he was being a good buddy.

So here is how the conversation went....

Me- Elliot is your buddy having a hard time with his glasses?
Elliot- Some of my friends tease him.
Me-(The question I wasn't sure I wanted the answer to) Have you been teasing him?
Elliot- No way Mom it hurts his feelings you know.?
Me-I know Elliot, but how do you feel about his glasses?
Elliot-(The reply I will never forget)Mom Jesus doesn't care about glasses why would I?
Elliot- And plus Mom I want to be just like Jesus.

Needless to say I stopped the conversation for two reasons, one because I was crying and two because somehow he is already learning to follow Jesus in a way that I only hope that I do.

I wish it was so easy as an adult to have that type of faith, that matter of fact faith. To be so untainted by the world that your faith can be as simple as it should be. I am so thankful for this little boy his heart is amazing, he teaches me daily how to be the person I want to be!



I know I haven't had many pics lately I will try to get some this weekend.

Sometimes My Mind Plays Tricks On Me.

It is weird how your mind works sometimes. Just when you think you have crossed a bridge in a journey of pain your mind plays tricks on you that just aren't very nice.

Almost four months ago my grandpa passed away. This is something I have come to grips with however even typing these words causes me to get a lump in my throat and my eyes to burn.

Every time I walk into my grandmas house my breath catches because part me forgets that he won't be there when I open the door. On Saturday I had a menu tasting for the new kitchen location and once again when my grandma came through the door I was expecting to see him right behind her. Its in these times that I wonder if life will ever seem normal without him. Will my heart and my mind ever meet in the middle to come to the realization that he is gone.

All I know is I love him so much it hurts. And I miss him so much that I cry still every time I leave my grandmas house..........

The picture is of my Grandpa and Elliot on Elliots Birthday 2 years ago. My grandpa made the quilt in the picture for Elliot. We snuggle up with it all the time.