The most recent video was very good, however it was a very academic lesson. I found myself feeling like a student again. The student part is rougher than it used to be because I don't get near enough sleep to support a studious mind:) The last five minutes were my favorite though, her point was, it is tough being a woman who feels responsible for the "how." Wow!!! I don't know about you but I am often wrapped up in the "how" .... how are we going to get everything on the schedule finished, how am I going to make something for dinner that everyone will eat, how are we going to pay all of the bills, how am I going to find time to work, take care of my family, make time for my friends and pray all at the same time? How am I going to make sure that all of this is Gods will, and so on and so forth. I am exhausted with the "how." But Beth reminded me that I need not worry about the "how." If I let God he will handle it, he will set my path straight and pull me through if I need him to:) I just need to rest on this, on Him really.
I haven't written in a week or more and there is reason for this. I am discouraged!! And normally that would make me write more and use this blog as an outlet, but for some reason i haven't been able to. I feel broken, a bit battered and a lot weary. It seems every corner I turn I am met with defeat and I am not so sure why.? But the defeat seems to be following me:( The nutty thing is I am in my Bible so much it is actually even under my pillow when I sleep. I can't seem to get enough right now, yet I still feel heavy. There is much "how" I can do nothing about right now and although I know I need to let it go the inability to fix the "how" is very much the root of the problem. So prayer seems to also be a constant friend of mine.
I have been focusing on a few verses lately and they do help. The first is one that was in our Bible Study last week...
Psalm 18:16-19 16-He reached down from on high and took hold of me, he drew me out of deep waters. 17-He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were strong for me. 18- They confronted me in the day of disaster, but the Lord was my support. 19- He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.
Philippians 3:4-7 Romans 8:37-39
In addition, my devotion a couple of days ago was about when God allows Lions to come into your life. It talked about how God allows the Lions to come in for a reason , and to try and look at them as an opportunity in disguise. So that is what I am praying for, an understanding that God is most definitely at work here and he will handle the "hows" for me. I am so blessed by His love and His care for me, although I have all of these feelings I also feel His hand upon me.