Part of the reason I was so homesick was because its Christmas and we aren't in our house, I don't have my kitchen, my friends or my family. There are things taking place that I would usually be up to my ears in with planning and such but this year I have no tradition, no friend filled house, no warm hot kitchen filled with food to feed those friends and no extended family to love. I miss home. And as much as I have convinced my mind that this is home my heart feels otherwise and my codependant nature is lonely and sad:(
Christmas to me represents so many things and so much excitement and merriment with others that I think I have lost a piece of the promise, a piece of the story I know so well. Being a Sunday School teacher for the past ten years I have told the Christmas story in many ways, unfolding pieces of the package to allow those little cherubs to learn about each person in the story, each promise and all of the hidden meaning in Christmas.
Today as I was driving, trying not to cry, trying to think of anything but the holiday season, I believe that God brought Mary to my mind. I think of Mary often as I think many women do. She is obviously the person of Christmas I can identify with the most. I have been thinking so much how this Christmas was just not going to be the way I wanted and I was also feeling a little bit "poor me", when God reminded me that that first Christmas probably didn't go as Mary would have planned. Nope I wouldn't have ever chosen to become miraculously pregnant to a baby whom a wretched man wanted to kill,to have to explain to my fiance that I had become pregnant through the holy spirit and had actually been faithful and the finally to give birth to her beautiful baby boy in a stinky old stable no less. No, I am sure that Mary would have loved to have been in a bit more control of the situation, starting with the choice to become with child, to be surrounded by family or maybe fellow women to help her bring this baby into the world, feeling supported and loved through her labor. She probably would have much rather been in her home with her comforts and familiar items to her. But God had a bigger calling for Mary. Her calling was to bring Christmas to the world in the form of a baby, Gods own son, Jesus. And that she did.
After thinking this through I realized that I was really thinking about this all wrong and although I am sure that it is completely normal for me to feel homesick during this time, Christmas really isn't about family, or a warm home, or food or cookies or presents. It isn't about me feeling comfortable or busy or needed. Nope, we can have Christmas anywhere where we are because Christmas is about Jesus. About a gift of love and promise. A sacrifice made for me the ultimate gift of an eternal life one in which I have the ability to be forgiven for my sins and my selfishness. And the best thing about it is I can carry this gift anywhere I go, no matter where I live, with or without my family, yummy food or not. And that makes me feel blessed and rich and above all so overwhelmed.
So next time you feel like Christmas just isn't what you wanted it to be. Maybe you got family stuff, maybe you don't have anyone to entertain, maybe you are waiting for something you don't have, maybe you miss someone you lost or you don't have money to buy gifts. Remember Mary with me perspective has a way of helping me sometimes. Nad remember the reason for the season, and forget a bit of the hustle and bustle.