Angels among us.

I went to church by myself yesterday. It was truly lonelier than I thought it would be. In fact so lonely at the beginning I wished I would have stayed home. Brian had the flu and Elliot slept in due to lack of sleep last week, with stress from the Christmas program and Brian out of town. And Grace well she was more than happy to stay home with her Daddy and watch toons. So I dolled myself up and off to church I went...alone.

I found myself investigating the church yesterday. With my eyes only I allowed myself to take in each pipe of the organ, I attempted to recognize heads in front of me That we have seen over the last few weeks, I smiled at children that recognized me before their parents, there is a little boy that sits in fron of us and I said hello to him and he turned to his Dad and said, "Daddy that lady said hello to me again. Did you here her? Hello, Hello, Hello." I guess that he must be two going on three and he is scrumptious. I found myself looking over the interesting instrumental quintet for the morning and sang as loudly as I could during worship. I felt the spirit but I felt alone. The sermon was on realizing we do not have the power to do things on our own, we in fact need God to do much for us. A sermon on the topic of faith and the light of hope. I think a lot of us could have used that sermon this week. I know I did for more than one reason.

As the sermon went on I felt myself begin to pray a prayer I have prayed more than once, probably more than 10 times in the last month and a half. I prayed for a place to belong. A place to be needed. A place that God could use me to do His will. And then I went on autopilot. The last few days have been stressful and I have felt a bit depressed and anxious. I have prayed constantly for God to remove the anxiety and to help me to move forward with hope that things will become normal. But most often I pray and ask that he would use me.

Well it wasn't to much longer and we were singing the closing song and I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. There is an older couple that sits in a pew 1 back and 1 to the right from us every week. He has a grandpa demeanor (we all know how much I love a good Grandpa) he winks at you and has a warm smile. It was he who was tapping on my shoulder. He whispered and asked me if we would be at the 4o'clock service on Christmas Eve. I said yes and he went on to tell me he would really appreciate it if I could take the time to usher at the door closest to our pew on Christmas Eve. I asked, "me?" He said yes you know with 4 services we are very shorthanded and if you would be willing. Now let me tell you I know ushering and handing out programs is no big thing but how often are you blessed by a warm smile from the usher when you walk into church. God was answering my prayer and it took all that was in me to not start weeping. I have a job I can do no matter how simple, I can use it to bless others. I thanked the man...twice. He had me write down my phone number and he went back to his pew. As I was putting on my coat he walked by me with a touch to my shoulder and said thanks kid. Mercy....blessings.

So I drove home.

There was about six inches of snow in my driveway yesterday. I knew we were supposed to get more and with Brian sick I knew I should find a way to shovel it. Well turns out we didn't pack our snow shovel. So I had it in my mind that after lunch I would go out with the kids and purchase one. The kids went out to play in the snow and I went to reading a book. When the kids came in a heard what I thought was a chainsaw so I went to look what was the clatter:) Turns out my neighbor Mr. Wise the engineer took it upon himself to snow blow my long drive way and all the way around the loop. Another blessing. I ran out and said thank you and he looked at me said, this really isn't a big deal it takes me but two minutes with this snow blower. Maybe so but it would have taken me hours with a shovel.

So yesterday was filled with angels....people just doing what they felt led to do and blessing me in the process. It was a day to remember that without God I have nothing but with him I can do all things that he intends for me to do. This journey has been about obedience, trust and faith. All things that I struggle with on a daily basis and I am learning so much. This may e all that God intends for me right now and it is so hard but I am trying not to do anything that he hasn't put in my path to do. I am trying to to create my own story, I am trying to let him lead the way. And by golly it will not kill me but is making me a heck of a lot stronger.