I will tell you there have been a whole lot of emotions and they present themselves in many different ways....most of them not positive. It is hard to explain to your 9 going on 42 year old son why you would move away form all of your comforts to move somewhere totally new where we know no one and nothing. In fact he thought we had lost our minds. But what I am seeing with that little boy is that doing something like we are doing is completely out of his character, not in his nature....if left to his own devices he wouldn't have made this choice. But i believe through this God has used Brian and I to show Elliot what it means to have faith, what it means to trust and follow God's will and that is something that Elliot will need all of his life. That is something that will not come easy for him, yet God is using me to show him how it works. We had a conversation the other night at nearly 10 o'clock...no sleeping was happening...only worry...only doubt (before I go on I should tell you that Satan tries to get to us through our kids, we don't like to say these things out loud as Christians but I think it is important to realize and recognize so we can be prepared...I have seen it and it takes strength to persevere)...he was questioning it all, sure that we would never learn to love our life here. And it was one of those times when I turned my head to the heavens and asked God for the words because I too have had moments of these thoughts. And so that is exactly what I told my son. I took a chance and was humble in front of him, telling him that his father and I have struggled with the same emotions, that we too have had doubt, but in the end I know that God nto only guides but carries us and when we have faith and follow his lead he makes the path straight before us. He asked me directly how I knew how this was God's plan for us? THis was hard because the only thing I could tell him was through prayer and faith God had shown us this was the way.
Teaching faith to our children can seem so ambiguos at times, can't it? It is interesting to explain it out loud because I think it is often something we don't realize we have most of the time. Heck, maybe it is even something that we don't remember to use or have sometimes. For every moment of anxiety and or worry is an opportunity we have to choose faith to choose God. And isn't it amazing when we consciously choose faith how quickly peace overtakes what seems so heavy. Hoever palpating and explaining what faith really is so difficult. So this how I explained it to my little worrier. I was honest, I was humble, and I left the door open for more. I used our won example and told him I was worried too, because I think it is important for our kids to know that we don't always have it all figured out either but we know who does.
So as I dropped them at their new schools this morning I watched them enter their classrooms with confidence, with joy and there didn't seem to be fear. I praised God right then and there.
There is so much to be thankful for, isn't there? I am realizing this more and more each day.
On my drive home today I saw the city for what it is. I saw struggling folks and successful folks, some in suits and some in rags, big tall buildings and broken down shacks and I thanked God for putting us here. With tears in my eyes, and running down my cheeks I prayed He would use each of us to further His kingdom here...to better it in some way. For I know his plan covers all and it has so little to do with little old me. However it does include each of us if we allow Him to use us in ways that He sees fit. So today it may have been a prayer I said for those I saw on the streets and corners as I passed and tomorrow it may be something different, but each way is impactful in its own right, and each fulfills His purpose for me:)
I will come back with pictures of them in front of their school later today....Elliot didn't want to be embarrassed because it isn't technically their first day of school.