A Place To Belong.

Philippians 3:20

The Message (MSG)

^20-21 But there’s far more to life for us. We’re citizens of high heaven! We’re waiting the arrival of the Savior, the Master, Jesus Christ, who will transform our earthy bodies into glorious bodies like his own. He’ll make us beautiful and whole with the same powerful skill by which he is putting everything as it should be, under and around him.

I have a longing to belong.  I have a longing to walk into church and be surrounded by people that I love because I know them and they know me.  I am a longing to be used and to be needed and to be worked.  I have a longing to be a part of something.  Notice the "I."  Unfortunately, for the "I" in this situation we are currently on a journey that is searching for what He desires and longs for.  And so we, the "I" and the "me" sometimes allow ourselves to think we are out of luck as far as what we long for goes:)  

We have been trying a new church.  Its big and loud and boisterous   In fact it is everything I am pretty sure that I never wanted in a church.   This past week when we dropped the kids off for children's church I felt a tightening in my chest and my eyes starting to burn and initially I thought it was because we were leaving the kids with loud, noisy crazy strangers, but it turned out to just be a scratch on the surface of what was really going on.  As we started singing I started letting the words be a prayer and I started searching for why I felt the churning.  Why I felt the anxiety or unease when the words, I want to belong came to mind.  

Welp, it appears I am still on the train to redefining.  I am still on the path of finding out what God really means to me.  And really it continues to be less of me.  

On the subject of belonging.  Wow, back in the comfort on the other side of the mountains I "belonged" everywhere I went.  I was involved everywhere I went.  God was using me to work within His kingdom.  And it was crazy, and thrilling and fulfilling and tiring and wow it was a lot.  But I was never lonely, I was never alone.  And I have felt more alone in the last months then ever.  At the same time I have never felt closer to God then I have in the last weeks. He is with me all of the time.

And so as I struggled to hold in the burning tears that were slowly seeping from the corners of my eyes I was reminded once more that my belonging and my life really is much simpler than I have ever realized.  I belong to something so much greater than what I long for.  And even though I reside here on this earth I am a citizen of heaven. Heaven is where I belong and one day I will be.  

The redefining continues on and I am searching more and less all at the same time for God desires for me to have and to be.  And as it turns out with GOd I may be out of luck but I am never out of hope. 

I left that crazy church on Sunday feeling again renewed.  The sermon was a reminder to rest in Gods presence that sometimes what He wants from us is to simply receive.  The truth is I have know idea what God has in store for me but the reminder to see this time as rest is something I am thankful for.  I to simply receive this time as a gift in itself is lovely.