Next up is the excitement of getting in the van on a frosty morning brings. Yes the windshield was frozen and although I splashed water on it only half defrosted. Oh the luxury of having a garage would be over the top for the Jagers...totally not a need and if that meant dealing with a brand new house I am so out but I do dream. So now you can picture four Jagers driving down Grover St. in the blue swagger wagon, windows down, trying to see through the melted spots. Yep we are laughing. Its a blessing this kind of excitement. The Jagers really are a combination of american circus meets party in a box. No one is left out and sometimes I wonder why we were trusted with offspring but they seem unharmed and I think we are actually pretty good at this parent stuff:)
We get to church. Yep everyones still alive. Everyones surprisingly happy. I made Grace solemnly swear she wouldn't throw a fit today. Its a big deal for her on Sunday mornings...I don't blame her. On mornings we lead worship it is no surprise she throws a fit ,I want to as well sometimes.
So we get to church. For some reason things are off. Melding together with others doesn't always work. And to tell you the truth this morning was especially hard. I had a hard time separating worship practice from the class I teach following. It is hard to brush off rudeness and bad attitudes and pretty soon I find myself right down in the pit with them. I was so anxious about practicing in time, I couldn't relax. Mix this with tardiness, complainers, and the like and I am a bear. It is hard to find my solace. It is hard to find my peace. I cried on my walk down the hall to my class. It was overwhelming. I was sad and I questioned everything. So I stole into the bathroom for a quick prayer a bit of a cry. I allowed myself about 2 minutes for this. I walked out of the bathroom feeling refreshed and moved onto my class with my high school kids. We were a small group this morning....Could it be a coincidence that our lesson today was on being thankful in all situations. Nope not coincidence at al. God knows what he is doing all the time. He knows what I need to hear and when I need to hear it. He knows how blessed I am by hearing it form others point of view. I always wonder if these kids are as blessed by me as I am by them. They are amazing. Each and every one of them in their own way. I make it a point to tell them this. Even when the little ones are extra naughty which they are some times.
Sometimes people ask why Brian and I do and are involved in all that we are. All I can say is we both have felt called to a life of service. Sometimes that means exhaustion, sometimes that means frustration. All the time it means fulfillment, all the time it means feeling like I am complete in my purpose. God is with me all the time. Sometimes this isn't true for everyone and I have a hard time accepting this. Sometimes this makes me seem intense, driven, committed beyond normalcy and maybe a bit witchy....this isn't how I mean it. The driven, intensity is just me. I think if you know me I am a lot more than this, I have a lot more parts to me. But in my service sometimes I forget to pray for the peace that I need to complete all of it. I forget to pray for peace to enjoy each moment of service even when it stinks. Because sometimes it does....God doesn't promise otherwise.
Not sure why I am writing all this other than to be transparent. It was a hard day...I don't claim to be perfect. I do claim to have a purpose. I do try and be as selfless as possible. I do try to live for God every moment....sometimes its hard. And as one of my students said this morning some days are harder than others. Today was one of them:)
However God gave me my family all to myself this afternoon. And boy did I enjoy all of the sweet smiles, kissable cheeks(oh Grace), crazy dogs, boys excited about double A batteries, girls excited about homemade cookies, an understanding husband, and all of the other joys that I have in my home. And this evening I am looking forward to my homies coming over...people that get me. My chosen little "family of friends."
And I guarantee you tonight when I go to sleep I will have my solace. I will have my peace.