Sunday, July 18, 2010

Underwear.....If you are a man you need not read any further.

First off I will let you know that you can consider this a public service announcement. And much of the post that follows stems from the fact that I spend much time catering weddings and other swanky parties that require women to dress up in outfits that they wouldn't wear elsewhere which means they most likely do not have the proper undergarments to go with the outfit which leads to some very unfortunate event.

I think these events are caused by 1 or all of the following things, either they are totally clueless, forgot to consult their wingman (spouse, friend, sister, or the like) before leaving their home, or they were taking a risk in wearing the outfit in the first place and were ditched by their wingman and left to fend for themselves. This all seems confusing but I will clear it up.

UNDERWEAR IS NOT OPTIONAL IT IS A REQUIREMENT. Whoever may have told you that going without from time to time is acceptable was crazy. The next offense having to do with your undergarments are underwear that is constantly showing because you chose the wrong pair....this is tacky and sometimes offensive. I can't take seeing another thong hanging out of the back of someones pants when they go to pick up something they dropped or worse yet to pick up their toddler.

So here are some guidelines and maybe some tips on making sure you do not offend someone with sight of your unmentionables.

#1 - Make sure when you risk wearing that ultra short dress to attend a wedding with your husband or date, that you do the reach up in the air test. This involves a mirror and your arms. Put the dress on, stand in front of a mirror and reach yours arms up in the air. If you can see your panties or anything else that you don't want to show off you are golden go for it just act like a lady please in your ultra short dress...cross your legs or ankles at least and remember to handle yourself as if your grandmother was sitting next to you.

#2 - Thongs - Now we live in a time period where the fashion world has come up with all sorts of styles and fads that require all sorts of undergarments. Thongs I suppose are one of them and they do have their place and need at certain times. However no one wants to see yours either hanging out of the back of your pants or through your see through nearly sheer white pants that you were trying to avoid having a panty line with. To address the thong first, if you feel the need to wear a thong please do the squat test....get dressed and squat down...reach your hand to the small of your back if you can feel your thong before your pants that is bad news..choose a different pair...if you feel your bum before your waistband that is a totally different problem that would take a totally different post to solve. Next see through pants or skirts with thongs. Now we all have our favorite pair of white pants possible even a skirt. To go along with this I know many of you have worked in the medical field and one of the first things you learn is to wear nude panties with white scrubs. This is an easy tip that can stretch to all areas of your closet. Nude panties are a great thing to have and can save you from the rest of the world noticing your underpants or worse yet your bum. So invest in a nice pair of seamless nude shaded panties and you will be oh so happy.

#3 - Slips- Now many of you may think slips left us in the 80's but in my opinion they are a much needed piece of your wardrobe that probably has disappeared. The fact of the matter is in certain outdoor circumstances dresses that were completely fine indoors are now suddenly see through, however if you were wearing a slip all your problems would be solved.

#4 - Choose one- Now I on occasion want to wear a dress usually on a date that is something I would never wear when caring for my children. It could be so for a number of reasons, maybe its a bit short, maybe its a bit low cut making any type of bending over scandalous. This is all fine in the right environment however I have found that choosing either the short or low cut not both or you will be tuggin at both ends all night which starts to look like a circus act after awhile.

#5 - Don't drink to much.........this is just a guideline and a great little tip. Most all unfortunate events can be avoided if you avoid making constant trips back and forth to the open bar.

I am truly not obsessed with this topic but as I stated above because of my work environment I am constantly being bombarded with these offenses on a nearly daily basis. I could share tons of horror stores pertaining to this topic alone. So bottom line I don't really care about your undergarments however no one wants to see them.


Julie said...

LOL! You'll have to share some horror stories at Coffee Break sometime. :) Oh, and I'll have you know, because of you, I packed a slip in my suitcase. I'm going to the GEMS conference this weekend and have a few skirts. No idea if they're see-through outside or not (they're new!) but now I won't be one of 'those' people! :)

Jeff and Andrea Ashmore Family said...

Wow! Well said! My hugest pet peeve is the thong coming out of the jeans. Tacky and trashy all at the same time!
love this post Jess!