In my line of work one (this one being me) tends to cut themselves quite a bit, burning one's arms and fingers also seems to be a common pastime. And commonly with the finger cutting it cuts pretty deep and when this happens it actually hurts. Once this summer I ran my pointer finger down the side of a freshly (meaning that day, and our knife guys name is Elmer, just a side note) sharpened cleaver, it practically went down to the bone. It was horrible and scarring in more ways then one. It took me a few weeks to be able to look at this knife without gagging and a few weeks more to even touch it, and I need this knife people it chops herbs like butter and cuts through big hunks of meat in no time at all. I know what you are thinking what an interesting blog post. Wait though I promise there is good thought built in here somewhere. So I was thinking about this I was standing at my station chopping away the other day gazing at my knife magnet, glaring at the cleaver (who did nothing to me). I was pondering why this is...why I can't just go over pick up that knife and pledge to remember that it is sharp, that in all reality I will get cut again but I will be fine.
As soon as that thought came, I thought about how this can be applied to my life all around. Now I must admit I am a wall builder....people rarely hurt me twice. It is not a quality that I love about myself, it is one that I have been working on for some time but it is also a trait that has probably developed over the last 28 years of my life. Once I get hurt I it takes a while for me to get over it, as you all know I am a thinker, a ponderer and wonderer. It takes me a long time to process bad situations, conflict and what not. And some times during the processing I actually make things harder, more difficult, more awkward for those around me. Just like avoiding the cleaver, it would be much better to grab that cleaver again so that my basil can be perfectly chiffed in a timely manner instead of being bruised and battered by my chefs knife. The basil stands as a perfect example of mine or the person I am in conflict with heart. And that time I take to process builds up as a scar and sometimes festers. Its gross. I need to change this.
I would normally say I am a quick forgiver however I am reluctant to trust again right away. But maybe the two really go hand in hand. I think this a way that God is working in me right now, I know he gave me the knife illustration because I know He is with me everywhere I go.
Regardless I am going to be working on this trust bit, I am going to be praying for the trust bit. And I am totally using that cleaver again tomorrow!