Saturday, May 14, 2011

Woman - Uterus Not Required.

I read a blog post of another woman over Mothers Day that struck a nerve in me. It said if you have a uterus today is your day to rock. Interesting. It was her way of saying Happy Mothers Day, I believe. Now don't get me wrong I am not offended by this woman I know with every fiber that she didn't mean to exclude anyone.

However I think we so often forget that being a woman means much more than being a mom. I know I am losing readers by the second now so please hear me out.

Being a mother is something that easily marks me as a woman. However after two extremely difficult pregnancies, I myself was told that the idea of any more babies was something I needed to let go of. My dream "family" of 6 was wiped away and I had to learn to focus on what I had. I am sure you are all saying be thankful for what you have and how could you say this with two beautiful babies, be thankful many women can not even have one. However being told you can't do something is difficult and at the time I was 23 years old and in my mind I had plenty of baby growing years ahead of me. So although at the time my arms were full with a 2 year old boy and a beautiful baby girl, my heart felt a bit sad that this would be as full as my arms would ever be. At this point I had no idea what it would feel like to go through a hysterectomy at the age of 26, this too would be harder than I orginally thought.

So much of what I thought was part of being a woman was wrapped up in a single part of uterus, which is now gone. As soon as I came out of my drugged slumber after surgery I felt like something was missing. Not just physically, but emotionally, I had been fooled that what made me a woman was now gone. It was a dark time...

I have had my own struggles and believe me I know how incredibly blessed I am, I also continually rest in the fact that God knew this was how my family would be shaped. And God has given me many other opurtunities to lend my mommies heart to other children that do not belong to me.

There are also women that have all of the right parts but for some reason can't talk the parts into doing the job they are supposed to do. Some of them are childless, some of them have taken different routes to start a "family." Some of these women are my friends and there is nothing more painful than not being able to have a baby when that is all you want. I have walked with these women through some dark times. I have been standing next to them when some one asks them, so when are you guys going to start having kids, and I have seen their faces drop and felt their hearts break. I have had conversations with them about what it means to be a woman. And let me tell you having babies is not what makes being a woman possible.

The statement of if you have a uterus today is your day to rock bugs me. Some of us don't have one, some of us have defective ones, and some people never plan on using them. This is not the common thread......

I believe the common thread runs much deeper. I am not sure that I can define the common thread, it is one that is complex, one that holds an understanding among the team, the girl team, the woman team. So lets not wrap it up into an organ. Lets broaden it, lets widen it to involve all women no matter what their ability or desire of motherhood may be. Its greater than that. Its an honor,it sets us apart.

Okay so I thought it might be fun to find some other things that makes each of us feel like a woman....leave a comment and I will start a post with all of the responses. I will add mine too. It doesn't have to be a deep meaningful thing it can be as shallow as all get out. Just let me know. Leave a comment here or email it. jessica at angry blueberry dot com

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