I will tell you that I have been praying ridiculously over this job, the kids, the school and what not, hoping to catch a glimpse of God's purpose for me there.
Backing up a bit I share my classroom with another teacher and we spend about 30 minutes together everyday. She is wrapping up her classes and I am just beginning mine. We generally talk a bit about how her class was, school procedure, a tiny bit about family, the weather...you know the basics. I try to help her clean up because this can be a big job, generally I try to be a blessing in her day. I am not sure why but I have been feeling God's prompting to befriend her in that 30 minutes. Turns out over the last couple of weeks I have come to find that we share the same ideas when it comes to faith and family. Actually she sends her son to christian school and has found the commitment in that decision to be a blessing. As have Brian and I although I am not ever sure where the cash comes from the commitment is so much more than that (more about that later someday..maybe). She has kids that are older as well in fact most of them are my age. Her youngest was a tag along. So yesterday I was chatting with her and she begins to tell me how blessed I am to have my family near by and such a strong support system in place. She goes on to say her husband was in the coast guard and they moved a lot when her kids were small, making it hard for them to stay near family. This led to me to share a bit more with her concerning some of my current struggles. In that time she blessed me with reassurance and showed me what it means to use your own experiences to bless others. She told me that God always blessed her with friends that felt like family, a church to call her own and his comfort and leading if she remembered to trust. I needed to hear it and I am still trying to believe it but yesterday made it easier.
And now I will tell you one of my struggles at school has been because I can't share the love of Jesus in my classroom, the wonder of Gods creation, or anything even mentioning his name. Oh wow I can't tell you how hard this is. We talk a lot about how things grow, science and nature and all of this that I know with all of my being has been created by God has to be left to happenstance. Struggle Struggle Struggle.....its hell really....and I'm not exaggerating. And it makes me realize the importance of my choice for my children even more.
But among this all God has given me a friend, a blessing in the murky mud and I am so thankful. Someone I can talk to about Him with openly in this place that attempts to be free of Him.
And my classes, they rocked yesterday (even though there was a fire drill). I took the kids on a leaf walk in the fields outside the school and played a silent game of follow the leader where we let our arms point to all of the trees that were changing color. And on that walk I realized that God is everywhere, and even though I had to teach the kids about the presence of chlorophyl in the leaves being the reasons for their changing I knew that God created it all. And even though I can't say it to them out loud I hoped that they would notice my love for the beauty on this earth. I pray that my light will shine every moment I am in that classroom, and I think yesterday it did.