Thursday, November 12, 2009

My Grandpa.....

I didn't even know what to title this post....however I knew I should do a blogpost because I know so many of you have been faithfully praying for him. Thank you for that.
Well my Grandpa passed away this morning after being under the care of hospice for many months. I actually had told myself that I was going to be O.K. when it happened because I was so prepared and knew it was inevitable. However, this morning that news was the largest blow I have ever had to my system. You know I would like to say he was the best Grandpa ever but I am sure many of you have had a great grandpa too. So maybe I will just say Grandpa isn't a big enough word for him because he was so much more than that to me.
My grandpa was in the room with my Mom when I was born and he was at every major moment in my life from that point on. He loved me so much I could feel it without him even telling. He always interviewed my dates and boyfriends to make sure they were trustworthy. He would make sure they knew how he felt about me and how he felt about them. Its actually funny because he told Brian when he was picking me up for tolo one year not to get to close to me. So as we were dancing he was really nervous and was almost stiff in the arms. So I asked what his problem was and he informed me that my Grandpa said to mind his hands and that touching me was not advisable:)) I love that he loved me that much. He also had a strange attachment to my hair (its the same color as his mothers the only other red head in my family) and anytime I did anything to it he would be sure to tell me his distaste in what I had chosen. I would laugh and he would pretend to be upset. He was one of my biggest fans! He loved and adored my kids beyond belief, Elliot was his buddy and Grace was his sweetheart. Towards the end Grace would sit in his chair with him for hours and she would let him stroke her hair. So many memories I can't even organize them in my mind right now!
He would try to be a tough guy but he was really just a softy however he didn't want anyone to know that. He would have done anything for and he did!!
I love him so much its hurts. It was really odd to be at my grandmas yesterday. His shoes were where they always are and his watch was next to his chair. I expected him to walk down the hall at any moment. But he won't do that anymore.
I am so sad however I know where he is and I know in that place he will feel no pain and he is happy!!
The world may not change much without him in it, but my world is forever better because he was.


Jan Kok said...

Oh Jessica! I am SO.SO. sorry, my heart truly aches for you. Just every once in awhile we are given someone to live life with who is beyond words and when they are gone it leaves a great big hole in your heart and you physically hurt. What a priviledge that your children were a part of his life too!
BJ obviously took him VERY seriously =) Holding you at arms length while dancing...that was cute!
Praying for you in the days ahead as you prepare to say you final "good-byes". Knowing you will see him again one day is "sweet".

Bonnie K said...


Wow, that is just hard, sad news. I don't think anything can prepare us for the loss of a loved one. We love them too much. Anyway, love you lots and I hope you take the time to grieve and remember and love him in every way you need to.


3 little and 2 big liks said...

i'm so sorry. i lost my grandma just a year ago,i hurt with you. i will be praying for your family as you cope with life without him.
bless you.

Anonymous said...

The world IS changed without him in it. Every time a grandpa dies the world becomes a little less......carefree and has a little less sweetness. But this world is hard like that. But look around and the comfort and encouragement you got from him you need to reach out and find from someone else, because if every time you lose someone you do a little more on your own, then before you know it you are doing everything on your own. This world is hard enough without doing it on your own. I love you! Remember his smile. Now THAT is sweetness :)