Thursday, August 23, 2012

Where I let it all hang out....

This is where I tell you ever so not gently what has been on the top of my anxiety list lately.

School starts next week and my kids are not enrolled. Yep that's right. Not enrolled. I have not paid my deposit - although it is tucked away along with first months tuition, where I shall spend it is yet to be determined.

This is where I tell you we have been contemplating a move and I have trusted that God would make the decision for us by the end of the month. Yet alas it is nearly the end of the month and no decision has been made. In fact I am so confused and conflicted that I could throw up. And this is where I am not it isn't when is say but when he does.

The move is not the part that is scary. Nope I am at peace about it and feel like if it is Gods will we will go and life will be great. If we stay same thing different geography.

Its been difficult. We have had people react in so many different ways. Some helpful some not some supportive some selfish. All are fine I would be lying to say the possibility didn't stir up about a million different emotions inside me.

Many of you know we contemplated a job in Alaska last year to have it be put on the back burner. I was secretly elated with that happening:). THe new job is in Spokane...which is great for a number of reasons. Closeness to home. Still in WA. I guess those are the main benefits. The job would be a promotion and that isn't just good for Brian that's good for all of us.

I have had many questions what about your business what about your job what about church. Yep what about it I have no idea and these questions aren't helpful. If you didn't know this already now you do. I don't know any of the answers and feel the need to trust now more than ever. I have been called to be at peace more times than not in the last month and it is an act of faithfulness for sure. My reocurring thought is I dont but God fact he already knows how it is going to turn out. Every time I worry I say that over and over I dont know but God does. It is so reassuring. It helps me to push the tears back and lift up my shoulders and my chin and move forward. This doesn't mean I haven't cried quite a few tears over this or been frustrated or anxious.

So I have to decide by Monday what we are doing about school. If we choose to go business as usual and put them in their school here and find out 3 weeks later we are moving that is a whole lot of dollars gone. But if we don't send them and have to wait for another three weeks to find out where we will be living my kids will miss all that school and that doesn't seem like the right option either. And there is the opiton of us not moving at all, which is fine, and then we waited for nothing. I am praying hard...real hard. And don't suggest homeschooling God did not create me for such a task:).

Ultimately we are so incredibly thankful for Brian's job and his ability to even be presented with such a dilemma. We are humbled to have these kinds of "problems.". My other favorite thing to remember is that even 6 weeks of uncertainty is but a blippit in eternity. Soon enough we will know the way and we will be obedient in it.

Now you know I'll keep you posted. We have been praying for the outcome to be a reflection of gods will and not our own. If your choose to pray us would you pray the same.

Now as my mom would say to be Fred. I have been up since daybreak cooking and it is now midnight. I'm exhausted. It is so nice to finally get this off my chest though.


Andrea said...

You are so wise and in tune. Throughout this post I would think of something reassuring to tell you, only to continue reading and find that you have already stated all the advice I could possibly give.
Whatever will be, will be. I, for one, am so grateful that we really are not the ones in charge.

Jaime said...

Praying for you! I somewhat know the feelings that you may be going through right now. Thankfully God has a wonderful plan & will carry you through this. Love you.