There is this look that comes over just about everyone that asks the question,"So what's your guy's plan?" The look is a series of confusion, to realization, to fear, to bewilderment and then insert forced smile with a bit of -you're crazy...no really what's your plan?
I think it looks sort of like this.
The truth is I have no idea. Us Jagers have been making a joke since the beginning of our time that usually claims to have a 5 minute plan. And honestly that has rang true for large parts of the last 11 years. Our entire marriage began with a plan to fly by the seat of our pants. After one conversation of marriage I found us engaged two weeks later and married very shortly after that. Add a move to another state for nothing more than the experience and a surprise, yet very welcome blue bundle and you have a recipe for what the heck just happened to us in the last year. And so the 5 minute plan is what works for us. It seems to be what keeps us closest to God. Our version of staying on our toes is just an effort to get that much closer to our creator in hopes of maybe getting a glimpse of whats to come from His hands. Jeremiah 29:11
And so we felt called to move from all of our comforts and love and routine and settle ourselves here in Spocompton. I was under some strange impression for a short time in coming here that we in fact had a plan in it. That we would be here in the Palouse for a year and then move forward move onward....get the heck outahere. But once again God is reminding me that part of this journey, part of me following is letting go. Is trusting, there is no point or purpose in me searching for what is next because only He knows. We have been led to believe so many different things in the last few months that my neck feels as if it is constantly swiveling from left to right from up to down. The left to right is the searching. The up and down is the bewilderment hope and prayer that I can be obedient in this journey because that is what is being asked of me. Isaiah 41:10
It is crazy how much security we feel in our own comfort. If you are in your home surrounded by whats familiar thats comfortable and whats safe, that's predictable and there is a stillness in it that is warm and cozy. Being called to leave that stretches you to analyze where that comfort should really lie. As I wrote about a week ago I believed my comfort to be held in a little blue house on the corner of a quiet street that was filled with friends and family and love and memories. Oh boy am I learning otherwise. My comfort lies within my very own heart....He is with me all of the time and each moment of anxiety that I replace with looking upward is filled with comfort instead of fear. Colossians 3:2-4
So now it is upward not onward. And for this Jessica, trust is not my forte and boy does God know that. He has my number and I believe He has me right where he wants me and for the first time I feel comfort in that alone. In the fact that he knows right where I am and I believe He alone led me to this very place. It could't be anymore apparent that I would have never made this choice on my own.
Yesterday I was chatting with yet another new friend. She truly lives right down the street from us and happens to have a son in Elliot's class on Wednesday's. She called yesterday to invite us on a last minute theater date. I was so jazzed to be thought of. And that feeling struck me later as sort of ironic in a way. I felt blessed to be thought of. I let those words replay over and over in my head and I once again reminded myself that I am in fact constantly being thought of. So much so that I was thought of before my existence was even a thing. The fact that prepared for me with thought was a plan and with each part of the plan He prepares me for the next.
So I am redefining comfort for me.
This has been my favorite verse since we moved and just recently it has begun to take on a new meaning for me.
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. "For My yoke is easy, and My load is light."
Believe it or not for the first time ever it dawned on me how much rest there is in His plan for me.
Feel free to look at us like we are crazy. I hope that maybe even a simple shaving of our crazy will rub off on you too....this has been the best in the worst all wrapped into one, but the best is starting to win!
And don't be afraid to follow where he leaves even if it makes you look a little crazy.
And just in case you are lacking inspiration. I'll share a picture of what inspires me when I'm lacking.