So when I left you last on this topic I am pretty sure I had a less than amazing attitude and had little hope that this friend making stuff was a worthwhile venture. Once again I was proven wrong and I have pushed myself, God has thrown unsuspecting candidates my way, and I have been taken in by some kindly folks, that believe it or not have become friends.
This has been awkward....I am pretty sure I am friend making illiterate at this point in my life. I have no idea how to approach it. I have no idea what real people do for fun or what to suggest. When to call....when not to call. What if you offend or say something wrong? What if you order a beer and someone doesn't drink (this was actually very funny and ended well)? What if your kids don't like each other, or your kid is mean and you can't be friends anymore? Do you offer to help or keep your mouth shut? How much do you share? It has been sometimes since I have had to make friends on my own without at least common ground like school or church or a neighborhood to lay the foundation. Oh man I lay awake people, I lay awake.
I alluded to the idea I had met some other mom's at the P.E. program I take the kids to on Friday's. -May I add the P.E.program is a complete and utter Godsend????- Back to the ladies. Yep, so I met two moms the first day we went to P.E. they immediately welcomed me in, started conversation, kept the lulls to a minimum, and seemed to genuinely want to get to know me. It was very apparent early on that they were Christians as the conversation led to what they had done that week and what their plans were for the weekend...these plans included church, this led to more questions on my part, they gladly answered. I came home that afternoon feeling like a new woman.
At this point it had been months since I had been able to sit down with other women in my position and chat. At this point I had met no one that I could be friends with and I found myself getting my fill of social interaction with the checkers at Target. I would chat those checkers up like we were long lost friends, I am sure they thought I was crazy (not the first time, not the last either:).
That night I told Brian about my experience and said to him that was all I needed, if I had nothing more socially than someone to chat with on Friday's it was something to look forward to, it was an outlet and a healthy one at that! But at this point I was pretty sure that the whole friendship thing wasn't going to happen. I thanked God for the outlet and did not pray any further than that. I fail to ask for more when I should, its a faith issue really....a protection mechanism to keep the disappointment at bay, I need to work on it.
Well God had more in store for me. I am not surprised but I am overwhelmed. One of these women has become a friend, like a real one and she has introduced me to others. She has sweet kids that play with mine and she is supportive and wonderful and fun. And it turns out we have a lot of common interests as well. She feeds her family in the way that I do, holds the same values and convictions and is just plain fun. In fact last night when I gifted her with some of my canned goods she let out a squeal of glee....come on people really...this is God stuff.
I thought coming into this "Spokane experience" that it would be impossible to make friends and after we decided to homeschool I thought that even more. I mean where was I going to meet people and when would I have the time. Last night I went out with the ladies and my friend told me that God told her the first day we met that I was going to be her new friend. If you know me you are aware that it took every bit of self control to not weep in this moment. That God would use someone to bless me with friendship even when I doubted Him completely is beyond comprehension to me.
These months have been a journey for me. God is redefining, humbling and molding me into something more than I was before. There are times when I want nothing more than to hop into my van and drive across the expanse of mountains that lie between me and "my life." But I am realizing more and more that "my life" isn't really mine at all, nor is it a place or a feeling or an existence. It is something so much more that has so little to do with the "me" that so often does nothing more than attempt to get in the way.
More tomorrow I promise....this is getting good.