It has been a hard couple of days. Last night was my first time having my kids all by myself to take care of since my surgery a week ago. Oh man I thought no problem its just from 5-7 I have dinner being brought to me how hard can this be. Well let me just tell you I feel as if I am totally failing my children right now it is so hard to be in pain and in the middle of exhaustion and feel like you can't do anything like you usually can or would. On top of this my kids really are experiencing this with me and seem to be revolting against my current predicament. Yesterday when Grace got home she crawled up to my lap and just had a good cry and Elliot seems to be pushing my every button....and the worst part is it is not their fault at all I just curl up in my Fathers lap lately and cry too. This morning getting them off to school and the neighbors went much the same and I wonder as they leave my arms do they really know that I love them I feel as if I was a taskmaster all morning just getting them from thing to thing and not always talking with kindness and patience.
I know this is not much like my usual posts however as my Bible Study leader tells me it is important to be real with one another and really tell each other how we are doing it is not just good or fine even when we say it sometimes.
I know that even though I am feeling this way that it was important to take care of myself in this way. And if I don't take care of myself first how am I going to take care of anyone else. I just pray I can get as much rest as I need so I can recover quickly and my little family and I can get back to our normal life.
2 comments:
Hey Jess. I just wanted to thank you for sharing with us. It almost brought me to tears reading what you have been through. Just know that prayers are going up daily on your behalf asking God for a speedy recovery that gets you up and moving again.
jessica....
those little ones are VERY forgiving. i know when i have bad days and have to apolize to the kids, they often don't even remember why i'm saying sorry.:) you are a GREAT mom....THAT'S what they'll grow up knowing. this is just a few weeks, in the big scheme of life. i know it seems big right now. it's hard when you are watching the world pass you by, knowing that physically there is not much you can do. us moms don't 'do' sitting around well, do we? :) hang in there...and i'll be saying prayers for you.
Post a Comment