First day of 2nd and 4th grade.

First day of school today. Everyone was excited. We "got" to have a sleep over at grans last night... All of us and that proved to be fun and new for the first day of school. That is why their picture is taken at my moms instead of our house.

Why did we sleepover the night before the first day of school... All of us. Well let's just say the Jagers had to evacuate their house yesterday and won't be moving back in for a few days. Another post on that later.

But for now I can't believe how big these two are their backpacks actually look proportionate to their bodies this year:)

Reflections and Such.

We have spent a lot of time on the water of the last few days. As you know the water speaks to my sole. I grew up on it. Boats and fishing and crabbing and more fishing that was part of my growing up. The water was something I not only loved but respected. It is something that makes me excited but also terrifies me.

On Saturday Brian had to work in Friday Harbor and he was going to take the boat across instead of the ferry. Not our boat. My inlaws bought another boat a couple of months ago to fill the void of their missing big boat that din't make it into the water this year. My father in law not only allows us to use it pretty much whenever but insisted that we all know the ins and outs of running it. It has been more than fun. But back to Saturday. Seeing as the kids and I had no plans...this never happens and it was over the top beautiful out we decided to invite ourselves along. Yep it was apparently take your family to work day for the Beejer.

Onto the deep stuff. For some reason over the last couple of years I have developed a moderate to severe case of anxiety induced PTSD. You may laugh or tell me it can't be but there is no other way to describe it. The last few years of being a mom has shown me how scary it can be and one day I became the nervous nelly I never wanted to turn into. My kids stand on something tall I 'm afraid they are going to fall and break their faces open (cause it happened), They run ahead of me I'm afraid I 'm am going to lose them (because that happened), so you get the picture. So the boat it freaks me out. I brace my entire body in away in which it can not be jostled and I try to keep one hand on a child at all times. In my opinion when we left on Saturday it could take us 4 hours to get there if it meant we were slow going and no one was going to fall off. In all reality no one was going to fall off and we were going to fine. You see all the bad scary stuff that has happened to my kids has turned out fine. God was there every time teaching me that he would be there , teaching me that he always is with my kids and with me. Protecting us and providing for us.

So why am I so scared?

On the way home from Friday Harbor I asked my self that question, over and over. When did this start? Why? It turns out I should tell you I like to be in control. Its a sin. Its part of who I am but its a sin and I need to fix it. I need to let go. I need to let God. And I need to realize what I know to be true will always be as such. He will always be with us, and he will always protect us. He allows us to experience hard things to teach us how to handle whats to come and it is good for us. Me worrying is not fun for me or anyone else. It is stressful and painful and such.

The other thing I know about myself is that I like to do things right, I have a fear of screwing this mom thing up. It is big and it is real for me. I want my kids to grow up in an environment in which they feel safe and loved, cared for and supported in. I want them to grow up happy and sure. I want them to have a family they can be proud of. Oh boy am I humbled in this daily. I so don't have this thing figured out and I am learning daily raising my kids has so little to do with my decisions and so much to do with my obedience and faith in God. If I worry less and trust more it goes so much smoother.

As I got off of the boat on Saturday I realized how wonderful the day had been. The kids and I I had lunch together. We played a new game while we waited for Beej to be finished. And we even had ice cream. God had provided us with sun in the sky to warm our backs and melt our cones. And I thought to myself as my feet hit the ground and we were all safe....even if we hadn't been I am so incredibly blessed beyond measure. Blessings come in all different shapes and sizes you just have to give yourself a chance to see them as such.

When we got on the boat on Monday to drop the crab pots Brian said oh I think you are starting to like this. I liked it before I just had a new perspective:)

Speaking of anxiety and control we put the kids in school and they start tomorrow. I feel reassured this will be the best for them no matter how this situation of moving turns out. My new thought is normalcy is the best way to keep sanity. So for now we are approaching things with the mentality that we aren't going anywhere. I went and paid our deposit yesterday and was met in the halls of our beautiful little school with smiles from our teachers and true words of care and concern over our situation. Words of,"we will keep you as long as we can." Questions that apply personally to my kids from people who love them for who they are. This school has been a blessing through this time just as it has proven to be over the last 5 years. I am convinced it is the best place for my kids. So tomorrow we head into convocation-the best start to anyones school year- and give our school year to God. I will likely shed a few tears not because I am worried or sad but because I am so thankful my kids can go into a school year with these thoughts fresh in their minds with the idea that their lives belong to something so much bigger then themselves.

My Grace

I just love my girl.

We went to get her hair trimmed for school last night and she told my sister she wanted bangs just like her mom:) Melt me.



Her hair is so blonde from the sun you can hardly see it.

I can't believe she is going to be in second grade this year. No longer my baby but always my baby all at the same time.

I mean I can still remember when she had no hair at all.

What a pretty baby. Don't you just want to eat those cheeks? I mean really.



And Mr. Jager if you are reading this....we made some really cute babies don't you think? Your dimple genes and your cheek genes were really the best addition in my opinion!

Where I let it all hang out....

This is where I tell you ever so not gently what has been on the top of my anxiety list lately.

School starts next week and my kids are not enrolled. Yep that's right. Not enrolled. I have not paid my deposit - although it is tucked away along with first months tuition, where I shall spend it is yet to be determined.

This is where I tell you we have been contemplating a move and I have trusted that God would make the decision for us by the end of the month. Yet alas it is nearly the end of the month and no decision has been made. In fact I am so confused and conflicted that I could throw up. And this is where I am not it isn't when is say but when he does.


The move is not the part that is scary. Nope I am at peace about it and feel like if it is Gods will we will go and life will be great. If we stay same thing different geography.

Its been difficult. We have had people react in so many different ways. Some helpful some not some supportive some selfish. All are fine I would be lying to say the possibility didn't stir up about a million different emotions inside me.

Many of you know we contemplated a job in Alaska last year to have it be put on the back burner. I was secretly elated with that happening:). THe new job is in Spokane...which is great for a number of reasons. Closeness to home. Still in WA. I guess those are the main benefits. The job would be a promotion and that isn't just good for Brian that's good for all of us.

I have had many questions what about your business what about your job what about church. Yep what about it I have no idea and these questions aren't helpful. If you didn't know this already now you do. I don't know any of the answers and feel the need to trust now more than ever. I have been called to be at peace more times than not in the last month and it is an act of faithfulness for sure. My reocurring thought is I dont but God does....in fact he already knows how it is going to turn out. Every time I worry I say that over and over I dont know but God does. It is so reassuring. It helps me to push the tears back and lift up my shoulders and my chin and move forward. This doesn't mean I haven't cried quite a few tears over this or been frustrated or anxious.



So I have to decide by Monday what we are doing about school. If we choose to go business as usual and put them in their school here and find out 3 weeks later we are moving that is a whole lot of dollars gone. But if we don't send them and have to wait for another three weeks to find out where we will be living my kids will miss all that school and that doesn't seem like the right option either. And there is the opiton of us not moving at all, which is fine, and then we waited for nothing. I am praying hard...real hard. And don't suggest homeschooling God did not create me for such a task:).

Ultimately we are so incredibly thankful for Brian's job and his ability to even be presented with such a dilemma. We are humbled to have these kinds of "problems.". My other favorite thing to remember is that even 6 weeks of uncertainty is but a blippit in eternity. Soon enough we will know the way and we will be obedient in it.

Now you know I'll keep you posted. We have been praying for the outcome to be a reflection of gods will and not our own. If your choose to pray us would you pray the same.

Now as my mom would say to be Fred. I have been up since daybreak cooking and it is now midnight. I'm exhausted. It is so nice to finally get this off my chest though.

It Pays to Play.

Here is a chance for you to win one of my oh so delicious chocolate chiffon pies . Every last bit of made my two hands. Home Made folks.

How do you win?

Tell me how much these three bags of groceries cost me today for a job in the moo.

The only hint I will give you is I beat my record on cost of three bags of groceries today and shocked myself. The checker herself could not believe the total.



And yes I buy graham crackers and yes I prefer name brand it makes a difference. Its the only way to go with chocolate chiffon pie. Some would argue a pastry crust but they are wrong:)

Okay so if you win I will hand deliver a pie. Closest person wins but must be within $10.

Its Not All About Food.

Sometimes its about fun times with friends.



Enough Said.


I just love these kids!

Happy Birthday Rahsta Style.

Happy Birthday to the Best Friend a girl could have.

The last of us to turn 30.

Let me tell you a few things about the Rah.

Number 1 - If you need a cheerleader she's your girl. For anything she will literally cheer you on for any life moment big or small.

Number 2 - She's loyal. She is always there. Ain't no one going to be saying or doing anything negative about or to her friends or family. And she is always there when you need her.

Number 3 - She loves my kids. Even now she is upstairs playing lego rock band on her Birthday. She has thoroughly convinced my children that sometimes she comes over just to see them. Oh and did I forget to mention she took my kids for an entire week during her spring break so that I could go to Costa Rica. She's that awesome.

Numero Quatro - She's down for anything. I can mention I want to do this or this is on my bucket list and she is already to make it happen.

Five - She's in the process of adopting a "kid" as the kids refer to her new addition. Every time they see her which is often they ask her if she got her "kid" yet as if she keeps him/her under the stairs when she goes out. This sweet thing is in for a treat as it will be joining the greatest little family in the world. She is going to be a great mom...more prepared and ready than anyone I know! I mean really!

Six - She will call me or anyone on their crap. If I say something ridiculous she calls me on it, which is often:)

Number Seven - She invented the best friend booty call. This is genius! Anytime one of us is having a bad day or just needs to talk they can call the other and ask for a Margarita and at least an hour of girl talk. Sometimes we can leave in 10 minutes sometimes we leave after my kiddos are in bed but it happens nonetheless and it makes us happy. The person who calls the get together pays for the outing.

Ocho - She is really just the best ever PERIOD!

Happy birthday Rah you are the best friend a girl can have. We all love you over here. We were blessed to share this last year with you and are excited to share the next!!

Whats on the menu today.

I have a dinner for two tonight and a drop for their opening crab season party.

Heres whats up.

Lets do dessert first....

Angel Food Cake.....home made of course....with sliced strawberries and whipped cream...Barbies got the best of the season right now if you were wondering
Chocolate Chiffon Pie
Chocolate Mousse Pie...complete with a wraparound chocolate crust...

Dinner Tonight

Prosciutto and Melon garnished with mint and a balsamic drizzle

Scampi cocktail with fennel, and preserved lemon...with a sauce finished with cream and Pernod

Sautéed Dover Sole with a bundle of fresh green beans and a blirp of mustard sauce

Filet Mignon with sliced Heirloom tomatoes garnished with herbs and olive oil

And dessert is the chocolate chiffon pie mentioned above.

For their party tomorrow.

Fresh baked garlic bread...boring.

Famous Layered Party Salad

Cold Green Bean Salad with red onion, cucumber, and garden fresh tomatoes..toped with a lemon vinaigrette.

Oh and I couldn't forget the Chili Rubbed Shrimp served atop a avocado salsa.

Its a good day in the kitchen y'all. Even if it is 80 degrees out already and rising. With no air conditioning I am still managing my own dance party in the kitchen.

Lots of food over the next week. Martha got nothin on me:)

Pictures to come.

Keeping me Humble.

My last week has been nothing but humbling and just to show you that it isn't always rainbows and roses around here I would like to share.

Number 1 - I broke through not 1 but 2 bras last week....yep count them 2. Thats right. And this is just the beginning.

Number 2 - Just when you think you have this mom thing whipped your kids have a way of continuing to grow and change and well sometimes drive you nuts. Yep...I said it and I used to feel bad about saying my kids drive me nuts sometimes but then I found that everyone experiences this, some are just afraid to say it out loud. So here I am saying out loud. My boy child is very much stuck in some parallel universe of becoming a man....yet he is still just a boy. We have had plenty of consequences and discussions and school of hard knocks lessons its been exhausting for all parties involved. Yet through it all I am beyond blessed with a little boy who beneath all the growing pains has an amazingly great heart. We will get through this stage and await the next.

Number 3 - Somehow we have found our way back to our not so finished home projects and demo and resurfacing has begun again. Heaven help me.


Number 4 - I have taken on so much catering work it is becoming hard to keep it all straight. Yet again I am blessed with a way to help support our family.

Number 5 - I took my kids school clothes shopping together on a whim. The Jagers like to say that they do not like to take on more than can handle - you can all stop laughing now - in saying this I usually take the kids shopping separately to avoid Number 2 mentioned above. Yet we survived and had some fun even though ELliot was timing the excursion on his stop watch and letting me know how much time HE WOULD ALLOW ME to finish in (again number 2).
I do love shoe shopping doesn't have to be for me.



Number 6 - I forgot my soccer socks for our game on Wednesday and attempted to be a trend setter in soccer fashion. It was pretty great. I am pretty sure in the coming weeks you will see a change in the women's open soccer league at NW fields.

Number 7 - I have been working on a little farm project with my buddy Todd and I showed up for my shift about 2 hours early. Meaning I got up at 5am for no reason. But boy is the farm pretty in the morning when no one else is awake.

I guess someone was awake.


I really didn't want this to sound like complaining. I just feel like I do a lot of my life's so great on here...and boy it is but some weeks are better than others:) But isn't it funny ow with each of these I can find a point in which to be thankful for.

In other news my mother attempted to save her grandchildren last night and took them for an overnight.

So with a free evening on our hands Brian and I decided to spend the evening with two of our favorites on a Beer Tasting Cruise in Bellingham Bay. It was so much fun.

Maybe I forgot to mention....

This guy rode 105 miles on his bike a couple of weekends ago....

I am immensely proud of him. He decided last year for his birthday he really wanted a road bike. He had never road biked before....but something told him he would like it.I saved my catering monies all summer without his knowledge and he picked out what he wanted. It was the best gift I have ever given. To see him do something that is his - that can bring him joy and peace blesses me almost as much as it blesses him. Biking to him is as running is to me. I so get it!

I am proud of you Brian Jager....you are my hero and my love!

Full.

The Other night I fell asleep thanking God for giving me a full life, naming each item that makes it such.

It was following a day of simple time spent at the lake with good friends.

The evening that followed was full of laughter over children that were beyond tired but not crabby...just crazy. A toddler that has learned to tackle his older cousins and older cousins that take every bit of it encouraging him as the go. Witnessing as a bystander is just as much fun as being part of the action. I never believed with the age difference that these little ones would be so close.

I am blessed beyond with not just family but friends that are close enough to be categorized as such....

We are so blessed it is overwhelming at times.









Did I mention we traveled in a giant van all together to the beach. It was fun! I think the my friend the farmer would agree we have some pretty great kiddos:)



And we were lucky enough to bring the Joshy along too and boy did he love the lake!

Its a great life this one!

Oh and BTW my camera worked for the day...yay!

One of the Greats.

Amidst the Olympics it is easy to think you may be seeing one of the greats in each event. One of the greatest swimmers, gymnasts, divers, runners, etc. You here the words -record breaking and it makes you feel excitement. It makes you wonder if you've watched a piece of history be made. Its pretty amazing these athletes.

I think it is ever present. This idea of being among one of the greats. Isn't it true that when faced with the thought of being one the greats in your own field you could name a few. I am sure if you are a Dr. or an Engineer or other professional you can think of those that may have trudged before you...maybe setting records of their own. Isn't it even more interesting that even in the jobs sometimes most overlooked most of us could name a few greats. I know great women-moms wives- that I have been blessed enough to watch and learn from that have trudged before me. Oh and the cooks and chefs I could name that I have studied over the more recent past that I have come to respect.

Most recently in my own cooking I have been blessed enough to use some recipes that have come from some of the greats. Not women that have written cook books or been on food network or would even know the first thing about what a food blog is. No, these women were among the greats of their family and friends...their community, their churches and most importantly their children.

Recipes that span generations may be one of the most special things in the world in my opinion. Especially if you are blessed enough to have one of the recipe cards that is written in beautiful penmanship, and stained to the point of having to squint to read the words on each line. I love it when there are tips and musts and don't forgets. Each recipe can hold memories uncountable. Each one holds a special place in someones heart. Each one holds love. And this is part of the reason I love food so much. It can make smiles, bring tears and spark memories. It is a special thing - food.

One recipe I have been making pretty constant as in weekly in mass quantity is Brians Great Grandmas Bran Muffin Recipe. They are the most lovely little bits let me tell you. I have a client that requests them usually 3 dozen at a time. And my children begged to bring them to the beach today as a treat. That is how good they are. And this is what I am talking about a woman that I was never able to meet, yet her memory lives on through a muffin recipe. I have wondered of her much while baking them....wondered if she had a favorite apron, did she listen to music at all while she baked, did she have bare feet or did she wear shoes. These questions may seem odd to you, but I listen to music every time I cook, and if I am at a clients you can often catch me humming hymns to myself (for real its my way of praying while I cook). At home I like to be barefoot, and I love myself a cute apron, the more vintage the better. I am sure she had her own ways, her own habits and whatnot and I wish I knew them:)

Another one I am in the process of making for the first time tonight. 16 dozen Chocolate Chippers. Coleen Polinder's recipe. Her son- my buddy -Rusty has started an ice cream truck business and will be using them for his Moowiches. I was lucky enough several times in my earlier years to eat these cookies made by her hands. And I felt even more blessed to be given her recipe today to have. I also have her Olie Bolen Recipe...which is so good. I thought about this woman today as I made these cookies at 11pm tonight and I thought how many times I have heard someone mention her Chocolate Chippers or her baking in general. How loved she was by her family, her friends and her community. One of the greats.

These are the greats I hope to find myself among someday. I hope to be great among the hearts of my family. To be known not only for my food but for the love that came with it. I hope to have a great grand-daughter someday that finds herself with her hands on one of my recipes or maybe that greatly famous in my heart bran muffin recipe that belonged to Brian's great grandmother...How amazing would that be?!

Random Happenings.

This past week and a half has been crazy. It has been full but fun. An I have found my self laughing almost constantly.

First off my actual birthday happened and you would have thought with that party my family threw me it would have been over. But if I haven't said before my friends and family kind of rock and they spoiled me that day.

Oh and before the pictures come. I am incredibly over my instagram photos but my camera is beyond messed up right now so camera phone it is.

Back to my Birthday Day.

I started they day of pretty horribly with 3 hours at the Dr.s office. Not the best way to spend your birthday.

But it was soon fixed with a trip for Margaritas with the Rah followed by pedicures.


My Mom brought me a banana cream pie which was out of this world. YOu should know I like pie about ten times more than cake.

Those are banana chips on the top and white chocolate around the sides. Come on people!

And then Brian took me for dinner where I had the best steak of my life but the worst veggies. It was mind boggling but still really lovely.

Not the best pic. But pretty good for a phone in the hands of a very bossy nine year old boy:)

Furthermore the week continued.

Thursday I got bangs. This has been so funny. Nothing else has changed about my hair, yet I have had so many comments. I like them. I think I'll keep them for awhile.


Saturday was awesome. Brian rode his bike in Tour De Whatcom and completed his first Century Ride of 105 miles. I was so proud of that guy....

I threw the kids a birthday party for their school friends at the Y. Now heres a little plug for the Y. That was the best use of funds for a birthday party I have ever spent. Some of the Moms and I even got in the pool and played on the obstacle course and roughed around with the kids. I was sore for days!

I cam e home from the Moo on Monday morning (Bran muffin Drop) and this is what I found the hubdub doing. Yep they peeled right off. New ceiling to go up this weekend.


I joined a penpal group and received my first letter this week. My penpal lives in Ontario. I loved her stamp. I think it will be so fun to write actual letters on paper to someone.


On Monday afternoon we took the kids to play mini golf. We had a great time. We may have had to turn our heads to miss seeing Grace sweep her ball into the hole...but maybe its just a new technique:)


In Business happenings. I have booked 8 new jobs in the last 2 days. Mercy...its overwhelming but exciting all the same.

I had so many random phone calls I started taking notes on a random piece of cardboard. I am the only one that can make sense of it.


The hardest part is that all 8 menus are completely different. FOr 3/4 of them the guests overlap...so things can never be the same. I have a client who doesn't like fruit, one that doesn't like berries, one that I have no phone number for, a client that is trying to make fall food in the summer, a rehearsal dinner for gluten-dairy free folks, an anniversary dinner for 2 complete with 8 courses, a reception and 36 dozen chocolate chippers. Plus tons of new recipes I have been mulling over trying to perfect.
ITS CRAZY....but I am thankful for the work.

That about catches up. On top of all of this we are trying to finish up a few house projects and my yard desperately needs to be weeded. It will all get done how it is supposed to...I am assured.

Today I have been writing menus and listening to Kenny Rogers which segwayed into Dolly Parton (if you are a fan you will know why), Judge on Judgers:)