I will tell you the fog has cleared and I have had a lot of self realization of what I had let myself become over the last few months and I don't like it. I have been negative and hard and not all that much fun. And even though some would say that I have had an excuse, happiness and joy are sometimes and almost always very much a choice. And most recently I chose to be crabby and to feel sorry for myself. Making the choice to try and control my life and just mosey through my commitments. By Wednesday after 3 nights of sleep I realized where I went wrong....it was heartbreaking and I have had to make many apologies. By Thursday Brian declared he had his wife back:) That patient amazing man is the most wonderful human being on the planet:) I am back ...I feel like a million bucks and am so so thankful for great Dr.s' that could help us find a solution and for a God that is so full of Grace that he can even forgive me! Elliot even has noticed the difference making many comments about his sleeping ability and it so sweet. He even woke up in the middle of the night once and was able to fall back to sleep on his own...may not seem like a big deal to you but for him it is amazing. He no longer has bags under his eyes, and his appetite has been restored. His anxiety has been way more manageable and he seems more patient and back to his bright self:) We like it!
I can tell you I have much to learn about trusting God. I have much to learn about patience and joy in all things. I am still very much a work in progress and I am so thankful when I realize this. It is the hards times that shape us the most....and this has been one of those times.
I had forgotten how good it feels to smile. And I have had a smile plastered on my face for the last three days....my cheeks are starting to hurt:)
Thanks to all who have been praying us through this journey. We are so blessed to be loved by so many!! Elliot is so blessed to have so many who care for him so deeply!
So heres to a new chapter that includes sleep and a challenge to remember that God is in control of all things. And all things are resolved in His time!!