I feel shame, sadness and sadness (did I say that).
Brian gave me that Bible our first Christmas as a married couple, with my new ame inscribed on the front. I have graffitied the margins until some pages have no more room, scrawled hymns and psalms in places that have none, underlined, and higlighted verses and chapters. Written my childrens names in special pages. Some of the pages were becoming tattered from excessive use. In my opinion it was the most beautiful material item I owned and something that was so personal to me. Its gone and it breaks my heart.
Not mentioning it out loud meant it wasn't really lost. For some reason I felt like I had committed a great sin for losing it. I also lost my copy of the message because in that last month before I lost it I was reading them both at the same time. My girl Rah told me it is like any other material item just because it meant the world to me doesn't mean I couldn't lose it.
Thankfully we live in a Bible rich household with many copies. So don't think I haven't been reading..I just don't have mine.
I decided last night that I just need to walk my buns down to the Christian Bookstore and buy myself a new one. We are blessed and spoiled to live in a culture in which we can do so. And I will just start over filling the margins and underlining text and writing names and psalms and hymns to remind me of things.
Now you know...its important to be transparent.