2011.......What a Year.

This last year was at best nuts. Good nuts, bad nuts, crazy nuts, busy nuts, relaxing nuts, rush rush rush nuts.....sometimes just nuts. I can say I have memories that I couldn't live out and others that I am hoping disappear. I gained knowledge and made mistakes. I learned things about myself and changed things about myself. I gave up some things and gained others. I enjoyed my family and friends. We argued and made up. Laughed and Cried. We did it all this year. I am not sure I could pin point anything we missed out on.

I have learned a lot about myself this year. I have learned I am just fine the way that God has made me to be. I am not sure if every woman feels this way but each year brings me more security ad more contentedness in my own skin and I like that. Long gone are the days that I strive for the things that are just never going to be important to me. I will never be the woman with the perfectly clean house and the flowers planted during the correct week of May. I will never have my decor just right or have my laundry completely caught up...because well because life happens and I am okay with that. My home does not need to reflect the seasons changing in order to be a home and well if a dish or frame breaks or if the dog pukes on the couch I probably will get over it pretty quickly. I have found in order for something to matter to me it needs to hold a purpose or meaning....and the rest of it can go. I am realizing more and more that my purpose is to be their for others first and me last. I have come to understand this confuses others at times......I'm okay with that to. I have come to know that my worth hardly ever revolves around someone elses understanding of me. God knows my heart..........And over and over again I realize that having a full house and life and plenty of love means being surrounded by others who feel the same.

This year I was challenged with a thought of living a life connected. I had heard a sermon towards the end of 2010 that challenged to live a life connected. A life in which you lived more in communion of others. A life that caused you to question the definition of family. A life that caused you to live your life in a spirit of putting others needs before your own. Giving in a way that Christ would give. Welcoming people into your home without thinking if it is convenient. In fact it was the complete opposite of convenience. You were supposed to question that as well. Connecting yourself with others in a way where your desires were their desires and vice versa. Their hurts were your hurts and vice versa. Living in complete community and examining what that would mean. It was an experiment and at times it was hard especially at the beginning. But I can tell you in the end this is the most rewarding way to live and i am a better version of me for it. It has caused me to question a lot of things in reflection. Concepts of service and love and attitude and sacrifice have been taken to limits that I have never experienced before and sometimes I failed miserably. But other times, the times in which I let the one who challenged me from the beginning to take full control, HE triumphed. His love poured through and His will was done and that is when the blessings that were intended for others blessed me as well. I plan on continuing this experiment into the next year. I plan on continuing to live a life connected to others which ultimately means living a life connected to Christ!

I don't want this year to end rather just continue on into the next. I turn 30 in Tminus 7 months and I thought about doing a 30 before I turn 30 list but immediately changed my mind. I do have a few goals though and I think they are worth mentioning.
-I want to finish my book this year......not sure if this is realistic.....but if I work hard and allow myself to really pour into it I think I can do it. I'm not even sure what I will do with it when I finish it.
-I want to enjoy life completely in a spirit of gratitude and after reading, 1000 gifts, I am going to have gift journal that I keep out all the time.
-In spirit of the last item I want to focus more on the simpler things and less on the nuts.

And there you have it. No grand plans, because they aren't mine to have.

Can't wait to see what the New Year Brings.