I've been pondering much lately over what type of mom I really want to be for each my kids. You may think it is a bit late to ponder such thing but I think its important to reevaluate and evolve - if you will - as time goes on. My kids change as the sun sets and that calls for new techniques, new goals , new approaches. This job ain't for sissies you know. Its stupid hard sometimes.
I would like to say that I mother both of my cherubs the same, but lets face it I don't, its impossible. I try to be fair but fairness is all relative. Each one of them was made perfectly how God intended and they weren't made with the same cookie cutter. This means they each have their own needs, own ways to be loved, different weaknesses and strengths. And I find with this all being said that is my job to love, nurture, discipline, support, discourage, etc. accordingly.
The day Elliot was born my heart grew to a point that I can not even describe. I never knew its was possible to love this unconditionally, this fully. I will never forget the first time I laid eyes on his tiny face with his wrinkly old man forehead and nose that seemed just the slightest bit to big for his little sweet face. These memories are the type that make your throat burn and your heart beat. It was as if the whole room fell silent it was just him and I and my utmost thankfulness to a God that would use me to create something so utterly perfect, so utterly flawless. I remember almost breathing him in completely. I remember immediately cataloging each feature, each noise, each wrinkle, each mark. And I remember feeling so connected to the calling of being his mother. Its these moments that I find it hard to believe that others would deny the existence of a heavenly father, its beyond control, its instinctual something that I was created to do.
Being Elliot's Mom means being patient with his infinite questions, he has a mind that wants to learn the ins and outs of every little thing, no wrong left unturned no corner to dark. This quality is one that can drive insane but his brain is also something that I stand in awe of, he learns so quickly and he is always, always thinking, there is no brain down time for the E. Being Elliot's Mom means being sensitive, oh man he needs love this kid, he needs reassurance, there is no one that is harder on themselves then this little guy, he strives for perfection in all things, its hard to watch, but something we are working on. Being Elliot's Mom means taking the time to talk, hes a hasher, he likes to weed through the hard stuff, he's a feeler and a lover of the world, out of both of my kids he understands Jesus love the most, it makes me proud and breaks my heart at the same time. Being Elliot's Mom means not always being able to take the easy road, things are hard for him and in turn hard for me sometimes but there is so much reward.
I love being Elliot's Mom and I know that God selected me for the job perfectly.
We went on a date yesterday and he said lets make sure we can spend the most amount of time just me and you as we can. Melt...... We had ice cream, ran some errands ate sushi and the whole time I felt like the most blessed Mama in this whole world. He reminds me of his Dad in the way that I we can anything or nothing together, if its just the two of us thats enough to make the day special...I'm a lucky lady, and someday Elliot will make another lady very happy in this way....he has a gift.
Elliot you are a blessing to me. The thing I hope to teach you the most is that there is nothing to big to conquer if Jesus is in your heart. And that failure is really just an opportunity to grow, its nothing to be afraid of. And lastly that God has a purpose planned just for you.....find it and hold on, in this you will find true happiness.
We have had a saying since Elliot was about 2 1/2, one day I said you k now Elliot you are my dude, and he replied yep you are my girl mom. We still say this to each other now, its our way of saying I love you...and if either of us needs a little pick me up we say our half and the other completes it.
Elliot you are my dude, I love that you call me Mom!!